poo-poo winter storm warning

Their kids!

I'm with both of you. I do this stuff for a living (counsel kids & families) and to many parents:
1 Are afraid of their kids being mad at them
2 Don't want to let their kids suffer any sadness, or
3 Don't want to have their children slow down their own social lives.

There are many responsible parents but they all tend to feel like they are swimming against the tide. I have been very lucky with my 14 year old. She always thought Brittany was gross but now wishes everyone would leave her alone because she is such a lost soul.

In a very middle class town were I work, 8th grade boys gave a party last year. Price of admission for girls was oral . This year as 9th graders, those girls went to the HS dance with short skirts sans panties alla Paris & Britt.

I do always remind myself that there are also lots of positives out there to keep from going crazy. Especially,that boys that are more open and sensitive than any boys were willing to admit when I was young. More volunteerism too. (Can you tell I'm a Libra?)

This message was edited Mar 26, 2007 1:15 AM

One night, when my eldest was 13, she and a friend were sleeping in a tent in the back yard. In the middle of the night, I got up and heard voices - two of which were boys. Nothing was going on. But when I phoned the parents to come get the boys, it was like I had committed a criminal offence. According to the parents, it was okay for the boys to be walking the streets at 3 am. Now - this was in a very safe, rural suburb, but there is a major highway on the edge of the community. Some perv could have snatched one or both of the boys and had been several hundred miles away before the parents even knew they were gone!

We never let our kids go to the store at the gas station at the corner of the highway for that reason. Overly protective? probably . . . But both our daughters have made it to adulthood, so we did something correct.

Amazing!

Wow, that's sick Dave. And your job must be tough! You have my admiration and respect. Do you feel it's a lost cause sometimes?

Seandor, incredible. Instead of being grateful, that's what you hear. I love it when some parent is complaining about what happened to their 14 year old at 3 AM!

It is MUCH worse now than when I was a kid.

This is hard for me to accept. When I was engaged I was home from my dates and asleep by 9:30! No wonder my mom loved me best!!!

Yes, times have certainly changed - and not for the better.

Victor, Sometimes. But more often I feel positive about the kids. Parents can be tougher.

I've never been able to grasp the "I want to be friends with my child" concept.

What teenager ever says, "Hey Dad, let's hang out at the mall?"

Kids can select their friends and that's where the peer pressure comes into play. Friends and their parents should be viewed as extended family and if you don't approve (as a parent) then the trouble begins. I've been so fortunate with my own adult kids selecting friends at 6 and 10 years old that still remain friends. Here's my daughter at the baby shower, January of '06, with her kindergarten friends (who were in her wedding party) - Kim and Allison (at right). Kim led such a wild and uncontrolled life that she was the perfect example of what NOT to become for my Kathy (on the left) and Allison.

Pretty daughter Pirl. You done good.

Not me - my daughter. I'm so thankful that my kids aren't and never were on drugs or any activities that would harm them.

Just caught up with this thread - you're all singing my song! I have two girls in the thick of things - 16 and 12. I'm always the "bad guy" vs. other Moms when it comes to setting limits. No, you can't go to the mall with your friends unattended when you're 12; No, you can't go to that party if the parents aren't home; No, you can't watch an R-rated movie at your 12-yr. old friend's house. What the heck are these parents thinking, that their kids are adults? My oldest daughter has seen the light and now tells my younger daughter that limit-setting is good. She sees her former friends from middle-school that had no limits now drinking, taking drugs, getting lousy grades, getting pregnant.

I firmly believe that extracurriculars really help keep kids out of trouble. Both of my girls are heavily involved in music - the oldest is in marching band at school. I also think that parents need to be around MORE as kids get older rather than less. I've reworked my schedule to be home when they're home, thus no unmonitored computer time, etc. It's a shame that more parents don't have that flexibility. My house every day becomes "homework central" for the lonely kids in the neighborhood that need company. Seriously, I live in a neighborhood where parents leave the house before their elementary school children go the bus stop! Guess who picks up the pieces if the bus doesn't arrive? I had one girl last year (middle school) who showed up at my door crying because she missed the bus and didn't want her Mom to find out because she'd get in trouble. My heart just cries for these kids.

OK, I'm done ranting. :-0

Ok all you mean Mom's....I posted this a while back in the parenting forum but it really fits in here right now, so i'm posting the link for you. Enjoy!!
http://davesgarden.com/forums/t/668689/

pixie - "By the time we were teenagers, she could read our minds and had eyes in the back of her head. "

That part made me laugh! My oldest is always accusing me of being psychic, but it's just good observation skills with our kids! Good to know that I'm not the only one. Thanks for the link.

pixie, What about mean Dads??

Very good, pixie. But let's not be so stuck with old-fashioned stereotypes here! I'm a mean DAD! My wife is a mean Mom too, but I am the stay at home right now. Our boys are only 5 and 8 but they can expect mean parents awaiting their teenage years.

Victor

Looks like we crossed Dave!! Same thoughts.

Sorry Dave & Victor.....didn't mean to exclude you!! DD sent that to me as I was a single Mom for several years after my divorce. She was just letting me know I did a good job and she NOW appreciates it. So all of you.....Mom's AND Dad's out there with teenagers (or about to be) have hope, they only hate you for a short time! LOL

Apologies to phgirl for hijacking her poopoo thread! It's just that when I look forward to (meaning dread) the teenage years, poopoo jumps to mind.

oh i dont mind. as a young person [surprisingly] i can agree with everything being said. i always am telling my bf "i remember not being allowed to wear a skirt higher than a hand above my knee" and i def had the meanest dad [in bed lights out 10 pm/12 wkends] no sleepover at boys house, no parties [well, until i was 17] and most of all, he got this guy who really was effed in the head to move to a different state. i was so mad for a long long time "you will thank me for this someday" was all he had to say on the matter, and he was right. i plan on being a mean mom. [snort] :p

pht, I am very encouraged to hear that! (I could see boys 'volunteering' to check the 'hand above the knee' rule however!!! Hee hee.)

I feel like Grandma Moses here!!!!!!

The thing that really worries me is that we have 2 young girls (not old enough yet to get into that kind of trouble) which we constanly worry about their future. So much has even changed since we were in school and I am not that old - 32. Dh and I believe we are fairly good parents. We both work full time however we believe in talking to our kids and talking a lot. We spend every moment we can trying to teach, play and talk to our kids. We want to instill good morals and values and teach them love, and compassion. However I know once they begin school it is going to be a whole new world out there full of other kids teaching them the wrong things. I just hope that by keeping our doors of communication open and setting boundries that they will choose the right path. It isn't so much "our" parenting skills that worry me it is how my children will react when they get out in that new world.

Part of me would love to keep them chained up in this house until they are 20 but that is unrealistic.

This new world is a far cry from Spin the Bottle!

Oh pirl...I remember the first time I played spin the bottle! The guy it landed on was sitting next to me and as he leaned in for a kiss he grabbed my breast and instinct(from having 6 brothers) took over and I punched him in the mouth. He got a fat lip, not a kiss!! No one wanted to play spin the bottle w/me after that.....I wonder why??

Dawn, we have always felt the same way. We were concerned about life 'outside our bubble'. It was all the other parents that worried us! However, so far, and our elder is only 8, we see the impact we have had on him. There are times when it seems no matter how many times you repeat something, it just doesn't get through and that causes you to worry. Then comes one of those great moments when someone tells you what your son was telling the other kids and it was exactly what you thought he wasn't hearing from you! Or he'll be pretending to be a parent and be teaching his younger brother. Again, he'll be sounding just like us! You make a huge difference in their lives. Important thing is - it can't stop at 10 or 14 or 16.

Good for you! The first time someone tried a certain type of kiss I bit his tongue........and NO I'm not related to Lorena Bobbit!

Victor - we cross posted. I agree - keep the dialogue going.

You know what Jeffrey Dahmer said to Lorena Bobbitt?? "You gonna eat that?"

Eww Victor LOL

Well all I can say is that I hope whatever we teach them stays with them. Those 2 girls are our world and we only want what is best for them and to grow up to be beautiful, intelligent women who can support us when we grow old LOL

Victor!

Well make sure you teach them the joys of gardening. Both my boys have their own 'garden' where they grow whatever they like to eat. My little guy is still waiting for a chicken finger plant.

Oh yes Victor - I am going to give them each a plant to take care of....I don't really have room to give them a garden of their own but they do love checking my seedlings daily and pointing out when they need watering. They are so cute to watch.

My kids' 'garden' was just a plastic half whiskey barrel from Home Depot.

Of course the point of gardening is to share something you love with them.

Victor, your words do come back eventually. At aged 8 all they want to do is to test their limits. Setting limits now saves trouble later!

No worries about DG misbehaving - just got censored for using the d_mn word :-)

lol... you guys are too much!!!!! speaking of Lorena Bobbit.... I went to Nursing school with her sister in law.... yeap! it was pretty funny when my clinical instructor just jokingly asked my friend if she was related to Lorena... she turned bright red and said :yeah, she used to be married to my brother in law.... we didn't know what to do, and of course, I didn't remember the names because I didn't speak much english when that happened... so everyone was laughing at me, when I turned bright red when my friend just said, oh Lorena cut his you know what!!!!! and of course I was not getting it and asked what "what" was....
not so bright some days!!!!

Oh Kassia...I would of loved to be a fly on the wall during that conversation! Too funny!!!!

Dawn & Victor,
I actually have some expertise here. A good relationship that is loving, promotes individual responsiblity and includes fun goes a long, long way. It will not make our kids bulletproof to all the problems out there but it will greatly enhance your child's ability to deal with it.
Second most important, if a problem arises (and it can with the best of parents) deal with it. Parents that make excuses or have no time for their kids are likely to let problems grow too big before acting. Your positive relationships will help you to notice if things go awry with your kids and you both seem willing to be the adults and take action. So you're both looking good!

Thanks Dave. That's been our attitude as well. All that, and lots of hoping / praying!