Secret Cousins

Hi everyone. Wasn't sure where to post this so chose this forum.

This last weekend I got a very odd email with my grandparents name listed as the subject line. So I opened it and learned that a 24 year old girl had done a search on the Yahoo search engine with my grandfather's name and found my website (my website has a family tree type section with old photos). Apparently, my uncle fathered them when he was married to another woman. He had told none of us about them. This girl rarely saw him, but he had told her mother his parents name, which she held close to her while she was growing up. She said every couple of years she'd try to search for information on this family she knew nothing about, on the internet. She finally found us.

I phoned my father, who had me forward the emails of our conversations to him. He told me she was telling the truth, because she had too many details about my uncle's life and his other children - details noone else would know.

My dad is in the process of trying to get ahold of his brother to ask if it is ok for us to meet them. We welcome them into our family with open arms but need his go-ahead in order not to open up a can of worms. His wife does know about these other children already. My new cousin would really like to meet our grandmother.

I'll keep you posted on the outcome.

Karrie

How exciting!!! I hope your uncle won't impede this. I can't imagine what it must be like to search for years for biological family threads. Do keep us posted!

That IS exciting. My mom is working on some of my fathers family history..which there is very little of. I found a little info. for her on the internet and sent it her way. It is exciting to think of learning more about family history. I hope things go well for your family and the meeting can take place. :)

Well - so far so good. My father finally got ahold of her dad tonight on the phone.

I wasn't home when my dad called, but his message was something along the line of "I talked to "*****" and you have the go ahead to give out information. But I want to talk to you about some things."

To me that was kind of vague. So I called my mom (my dad work's nights) and asked her to post somewhere where he would see it to call me in the morning before he goes to bed. I don't want to keep missing him.

Ya know - I can't help but wonder who had a hand in this....... GOD?

About 3 years ago (maybe less) my Aunt Faith sent me some pics of my grandparents, their parents, and even THEIR parents. Old fashioned black and whites. I didn't ask her for them - she just sent them to me because she knew I was interested in my family tree.

From there, I added the page to my website, "family history" and posted those pics, with their names.

I never expected anything like this at all. On my website there is a "contact me" button that you can click to email me. When my cousin (I can call her that now) found the website from a web search with my grandpa's name (she had very little to go on) she found us.

I can't help but wonder if there was a bigger reason Faith sent me those pics and why I made that section on my website. She would never have found us without that.

hmmmmmmmmmmm

I have worked with genealogists who can learn to be quite tenacious until they get all the family lines straight. This is also true of folks looking for missing family members. They try and try and eventually find a piece of the puzzle. I don't think it is fate or faith, just determination over a long period of time.
I would imagine this whole rese arch effort is very important to the person who contacted you. They probably need and want a real sense of family .
Good luck to all of you.

She did express, after finding me, that it gave her comfort knowing she'd found us.

This is great Karrie. It would be wonderful if you get to meet her face to face soon.

Lani

I am SO happy for you. We had something similar happen in our family in the last couple years. My grandmother had a sister who was unknown to us. That sister had two children out of wedlock - who grew up shame based and very poor. Those two children - brother/sister, now in their 70s, have made the connection (via an Internet posting not unlike yours) and THEY finally have a bio family tree. I wish my grandmother and my father had been able to share the information about the existence of this relative before they passed on. Times were different then, however.

Very cool! I have tried to find a half sister of mine. No luck so far, but i've been told that she probably doesn't want to be found.

I am wondering what your father wanted to "talk" to you about!?

Inquiring minds want to know...

Melissa

For your inquiring minds (lol) my dad passed me some info to share with my cousin. Her dad would very much like to talk with her so I was given his cell phone number for her to call. She is not altogether sure if she is ready to talk to him. I think she is hurt because he pretty much abandoned them all of her life. It will take time for wounds like that to heal. She does, however, want to meet the rest of her new found family. Our grandmother is on a motor home trip for about 2 weeks and my dad won't be able to contact her to give her this news until she comes back. So we are in a waiting time now.

Kerrie, what wonderful news. I would love to find out that I have family out there somewhere. I am the only living person from both of my parents sides of the family. What a gift you have been given. I wish you, your cousin and her father many years of closeness.

Carat,

My cousin Lacey isn't too sure if she wants to talk to her father at this point. She'd been pretty much forgotten all of her life. I can kinda understand how she must feel. It must hurt. My dad is going to try to get ahold of my grandma tomorrow (before he leaves on HIS vacation) and get things rolling so that Lacey can finally meet our very wonderful grandmother. I am truly hoping this will work out.

Karrie, I dont know how she feels exactly. I only imagine it would be hard to accept that someone who is suppose to love you unconditionally and always be there for you and wasn't, now wants to mend fences that are high and painful. But sitting in the position that I am in I would rather go through the pain of at least meeting this person, and talking with them with the possible outcome being bad then for me to hold the pain in, and never give it the chance to mend.

I hope that your grandmother and her have a wonderful time together when they meet and hopefully it will grow into the beautiful relationship it should be between a grandmother and her grandchildren.

I also hope that she finds it in her heart to at least allow herself to meet and talk with her father. If it doesn't go well or she decides that she doesn't care for him then at least she can say that she tried. To judge someone and or dislike someone that she has never really met is really not fair to herself. She may end up enjoying the converstation and the person her father is today, allowing his mistakes of the past stay where they belong in the past and together they can begin to build a relationship that they both can treasure. Everyone deserves to have as many people love them as possible.

Keep us posted on how things go.....

Is this an example of being careful when you ask for something? Didn't this gal start the search? Wasn't she the one who wanted to make the connection? Now - that she has the connection, it would seem she is having huge second thoughts about that. It happens to all of us in a myriad ways as we work our way through life. I hope she finds peace, and answers for the questions she is able to ask.

Karrie, no one can change the past. What's done, can't be un-done, you know? I don't feel anyone should have to carry their mistakes along with them forever. And if you have a chance to rectify one of those mistakes, then thank God for the opportunity and go for it!

Today is a brand new beginning, just like yesterday was and tomorrow will be. Your uncle needs to be forgiven. And your cousin needs to loosen his chains.

Please let us know if anything develops.

It is sad, you know, when things don't happen as they would always seem to you. Wannadac hit it on the nose. As well as others.

I was finally able to tell my grandma about her and she was excited. Since then, I have not been able to reach my new cousin by email or phone.

Basically: My grandma is excited and wants to meet her, but she's no longer communicating. It's been over 15 days since I've heard from her.

Weird.

It makes me sad.

Keep at it. It can't hurt to keep trying. How exciting for your grandmother!