Another horrible tragedy

I am sorry to intrude on you all like this, but I am really in need of comfort right now. I just found out that my best friend's son was killed in a car accident this past weekend, less than 2 weeks before his 22nd birthday. He was driving home alone from a bar, and he lost control of his car and hit a house and broke his neck. He died instantly. I have known this boy and his mother and brothers since he was 11 years old, and I'm here to tell you, this was not long enough! I still can't believe he is gone, he was the middle brother of three and such a patient loving young man, always the peacemaker. He was in the Marines, even though he was home, and in the process of getting out, they are going to give him a military funeral, which is ironic, isn't it? He said he didn't fit in there, he needed his family around him. All of his friends told his mother he was really happy that night (Friday), had a date for Saturday all lined up. I know Kevin wanted a wife and family someday, and he told me at his father's funeral (last time I saw him) that he maybe wanted to be a teacher. I called his mother, as soon as she answered at home in the middle of the day, I knew it was true, but I played along, and I said "I've heard an awful rumour, .." , she said it was true, and we both broke down and cried, she was too distraught to call everyone she needed to, so I didn't know until a friend of ours called my husband, it was in the local paper. Thank you for being here, looking at the words on the screen is helping to make it real, I am still in shock.

So sorry for your loss and so sad to have him to leave so young.
Sidney

you are right, typing it out and looking at it does make it more real and all the more sad when that knowledge sinks in. so so sorry for his sudden loss. debi

Thank you debi and sidney, I needed to reach out. The good side of modern technology! I have to brace myself in order to tell my 17 year old daughter when she gets home from school, that's going to be so hard. She went to daycare with the youngest, that's how I met the mom, at her b-day party at a local arcade type thing, you know how you invite the whole class? We were both single moms (now married) and found out that we were both moving within 2 blocks of each other the following week! Needless to say, we shared a lot of dinners, and movie nights, etc. fun times with the kids. Trick or treating in the pouring rain, same school here for pre-k to 8th grade, so many baseball games, scouts, it was so much fun, even though both of us were emotional train wrecks, obsessed with men (why didn't he call? what did he mean by that??) LOL it's funny now, the kids played together all the time, the boys even played "Pretty, Pretty Princess" with her, that was hysterical!

Prairie Girl, I'm so sorry. When someone dies in the prime of their life, it is so hard to take. May God be with you all.

this is so terrible to happen. so sorry for you . prayers for all his family , friends. yours to....

Twyla

So very sorry for your loss a boy taken so young and with so much more to give in life.
Hearing your stories about the kids and remembering all those good times will help.
Thoughts are with you and his family
Anne

Vicki,

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's son. I lost my seventeen year old son, Nick, in a car accident over five years ago. It was only through the love of some friends and family that we made it through. We are finally able to live our lives again, but the pain of not having Nick with us is horrible.

Please keep in constant contact with her calling often. Even if she doesn't answer the phone (believe me, she won't) continue to call and leave a message, if she has a machine. Stop over, if she hasn't answered after several calls. Take her lunch - she won't feel like going out. Just be there to listen when she wants to talk. The things she will go through are indescribable. There are no words to comfort her. Your friendship is the best thing you can give her.

With me, it made me feel better to have people talk about Nick...memories, sending us cards or calling on his birthday, or graduation day so we knew they were thinking about him too. Too many people think if they mention a birthday, etc. they will "remind" you of your child. Believe me, we don't need reminding and it is more painful to think others have forgotten about him.

I lost my dad when I was a child, my sister just over a year before my son, and my brother a year after my son. Losing my child was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I questioned my faith in God repeatedly, and your friend will too.

If she, or you, would like to talk to me, PLEASE contact me.

I will pray for your friend and her family, and for you to have the strength to help her.

God bless,
Jody

This message was edited Oct 12, 2005 6:08 PM

Jody I am so sorry about your son
That is truly the hardest loss I could imagine and your words are good advice for all to take when trying to help a friend with such a loss.
Thank you for sharing
Anne

My sincere sympathy to both of you.
It certainly does help to talk about the loss of a loved one.
Wishing you strength and peace.

thanks for all the prayers and jody thanks esp. for telling me about Nick, my friend and I have lost plenty of loved ones, my kids have no grandparents, her father died when she was young, and her first husband drank himself to death (reason they were divorced), but I can't imagine losing your own child. She was pretty good today at the funeral until they were putting his casket in the hearse at the end (he will be cremated). She wailed like a baby, there wasn't a dry eye in the house. I swear I will do exactly what you said to do, his birthday is Oct. 19th, and you're right, pretending he never was would be so much more painful for her. We haven't been in constant touch. We're both married, and go to school and she works full-time and has a grand-child (her older son's), plus I have a 4 year old, who seems to require constant stimulation. Life gets busy and relationships get put on the back burner, but I will make better effort to keep in touch, let her know I care about her. We also have used same family therapist in the past, so may suggest she talk to her again, she is such a good counselor. Peace.

Oh Vicki, what a tragedy. I've experienced many losses to, and the most painful were those with parents left behind. At 16 I lost one of my best friends and our mothers were close also; its seems a wound she'll never fully heal from. My niece was hit by a drunk driver 7 years ago and her husband and 5 year old son were killed. She was in a coma till after the funerals. The advise above is so true. So often people are afraid to speak of those lost for fear of upsetting the family, but talking of how they touched our lives is so important. She must be allowed her grieving process, and may even need grief councelling. Your friendship will be more important than ever now. My heart goes out to both of you at this time, Neal.