My Life will never be the same.

Life has been really rough for the past 4 months. My 61 year old mother had been visibly sick for more than six months but refused to go to a Doctor. She hadn't been to a Dr since I was born 41 years ago. On June 10, 2004 she finnaly went. Immediatley they admitted her for a blood transfusion. Three days later they performed exploratory surgey to discover what we already knew. She was diagnosed with Terminal Colon Cancer. Two months to the day she lost her battle and passed in her sleep at my home. I cannot put into words how horrible this experience has been. To see someone so dear to you who is sick and refuses to take care of themself. Had she gone to the Doctor when she first realized something was wrong they could have saved her life. But she was stubborn and set in her ways. So if you don't feel well go to a DOCTOR - people love you and DON'T want to Lose you.

My life has been upside down since. Mom came to stay with me and my boyfriend. Hospice was soon called in and we did our best to make her as comfortable as possible in our small 2 bedroom home. On Friday the 13th of August I was at my wits end. I live in South Florida and was keeping half an eye on Hurricane Charley as my mom was failing. The mailman had just delivered a certified letter to inform me that my landlord was evicting me. (We paid our rent on time for the past five years and we got into an argument over the lawn - and now she was evicting us) We had to be out by September 5th - just three weeks aways. Could it get much worse? YES - Saturday morning, the 14th my mom passed. My world crashed in around me - I am not religous - but they say God gives you only what you can hanlde - well he must think I am tough. And thanks to my mother - I am - she taught me to be strong.

...along came Frances... Did I mention I lived in South Florida? Fort Lauderdale to be exact. Four days before Hurricane Frances struck I was on the phone trying to rent a uHaul so we could be out by the 5th of September. Finally we rented a truck and began moving. As the storm was a pproaching and everyone in town was preparing for the storm we were carting our belongings to our new home. We finished the move on Friday evening. Shuttrers in place we hunkered down for what could've been a direct hit from Frances. Thankfully we were spared - some were not so lucky. Fast forward a week later and we are cautiously watching Ivan churn in the gulf. Thankfully it looks like we will be apred from this major storm. Unfortunately others will not be so lucky.

So between the loss of my mother, 3 Hurricane scares, an eviction and a move - I am still here to say I love flowers. and my mom loved flowers. it was somethign that brought her great joy during her life. I now am the caretaker of her MANY plants of which I know little. I expect to be spending some time here in the hopes of learning and keeping alive my mother's precious flowers.

Please pardon my rantings - durring this entire experience I have not had much time to breath never mind reflect on all that has happened. I am mad about that - and will seek some bereavemnet counselling once things settle a little - and there are no more Hurricanes knocking on our back door.

Life will never be the same without my mom. I miss her terrbily.

(((((squeaky)))))

(((((squeaky))))) - keep your chin up and your faith intact...it all works out somehow....

squeaky:
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost both my Mom and Dad in 2001. My Mom stayed w me and had lung cancer. You have been through so much in so little time. I am glad you had Hostice to help you. I can't beleive your landlord. I don't beleive that was legal. Sometimes, we are better off in the end. Some landlords are not quite sane.
Am saying prayers for you and hope now that Ivan will stay away and you can have some peace.
Jay (smooth)

You are in my thought and prayers. Hold tight and be determined to ride out the storms around you and the one in your heart.

hang in there, prayers can do wonders, I know it seems hard to believe that but it will work out, your love of flowers is just one blessing that you have

I have been in a situation (different circumstances) where I was dealt some major blows in a very short period of time. I lost my grandmother (who lived with us from the time I was 10 yrs old), I divorced my skunk of a husband (who threatened to put me in a bodybag to avoid child support) and I lost my job for taking time off to handle the two tragedies above - all the while trying to raise my 2 yr old as a single parent. It all happened within 2 weeks.

What made the biggest difference for me WAS the fact that I was, and still am, very "religious". I have a personal relationship with Jesus and His Father. My faith gave me hope and someone to turn to (God) for comfort and encouragement. I truly don't know how folks get through such things without God and a church family to help them through. I don't know how I would have survived the pain and sorrow.

I hope you will consider finding a place to learn more about God and what He can - and has done - for you. A healthy church family will love you, care for you, protect you, support you and so much more. In the meantime, I will pray for you and I will ask others to pray for you also. You have so much on your mind and in your heart. I am also anguished at your loss. It's so much to deal with.

Just as you have your flowers to help you heal, I too, had a flower to help me. Mine was in the form of a small child who looked to me for her security and her hope for tomorrow. As you tend your mother's flowers, know that there is always hope for tomorrow.

Thank you all for the welcome and HUGS..
Hospice was unbelievable. Prior to this experience I always feared the word hospice. It meant death to me. But after this experience I highly recommend turning to hospice. Without them and the support from my friends and family - I would not have been able to get through this. Hospice was a godsend. Their ONLY focus was to make mom comfortable.

As for the landlord issue. I foolishly did not resign a lease after the 3rd year. So I was running under a month to month. The landlord had every right to ask me to leave when she did. However she does not have the right to my last months rent - wish she currently has. I will be in court for this at some point. In my entire life I have not had to go to court, nor seek a Lawyer's advice/assistance. The next few months that will change - between the eviction and my mother's estate I am going to get a crash course dealing with the legal system.

I feel ok - I've been told I had grieved for the three months while we knew mom's disease was terminal. So when she did pass - I was extremely upset. But for the most part I felt relief. For her and everyone who was helping.

I am going to do some work now. It's therapy.
Have a great day...

thanks,
squeaky

squeaky, God love ya, honey!
Having lost my father at 17 after a 7-year illness, I can definitely relate to your pain. However, my memories of my father, and constant 'enlightenment' about him and his life, I have grown closer to him over the past 30 years. I loved him dearly then, but immeasurably now.

I was left with an alcholic mother who did not show love my whole life. I quickly figured out that this was God's plan for us. It forced us to draw closer and get to know one another on a different level. While she's still an alcoholic, I have come to appreciate her in so many ways. My love for my mother began to grow after the loss of my father. So there ARE good things that can come from bad ones.

And like you, I felt I was more prepared for Daddy's death after the lengthy illness, and felt relief for him when he passed. I knew he was no longer suffering and was with Jesus (and I feel his loved ones in heaven too). And I know I'll see my daddy again some day.

One more thing... last February I lost my best friend of 20+ years. It was devastating for me because she was only 53 and we'd begun to drift apart. I felt guilt and immense sorrow. That night I prayed for the grace to get through my loss and was answered with the suggestion of a Memory Garden. I have commemorated Nancy's life in the form of a garden. All things related somehow to something she loved or that she and I shared. It turned out so well, and I spend so much time talking to her there, knowing she's smiling down on the garden I made in honor of her and our friendship. I'll always have "Nancy's Garden" within my full gardens.

I recommend a Memory Garden to anyone who suffers a painful loss. (And I SO believe gardening is the best therapy!)

Hugs,
~ Carole

My Friend Nancy: (and my baby girl)

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom.. I too have drawn closer to God through the storms in my life and there were many.

I am praying for you..

words just seem so small.

Cajun2 - what a great idea. I've known that I would be the caretaker of her plants - but never thought of doing something like this. She absolutely loved gardening. The front & back of her home was just a jungle of exotic tropical plants and gardening trinkets. Even tho I cannot move all of her stuff here - a few things that remind me of her in the garden that is full of her flowers - is a super idea. Now I just have to figure out how to manage 30+ orchids and other assorted tropicals. The new move has given me a very large backyard. I just need to wait till the hurricanes stop flying by - and I will feel safe taking such treasured plants out into the open air. Right now theyre all pushed into a corner on the patio - as I fear the minute I move them to a more permanent location a new storm will be approaching.
thanks for the idea..
and the baby is a cutie. My sister just had twins - and thankfully grandma got to see them before she left...

Hi JustmeLisa,
thank you for your kind words. I take comfort in knowing that I am not alone. And my life considering - is pretty good. There have been some really ugly bumps as of late... but it seems to be smoothing out now.

thanks for the tips on the soon to be butterfly... I need to keep them off my roses - or my heart will break.

I'm so happy to like the Memory Garden idea. squeaky... it sounds like you might have the answer to your 'wonder why' on the eviction... everything happens for a reason. Had it not, you wouldn't have had ROOM to add your mom's beauties to your garden! Be sure to include any that you know she's had the longest. I just wish I'd taken cuttings from Nancy's roses... I was not able to gain access to her home after her death and I regret that. I don't know anything about roses, but I would have LEARNED!!

Your niece and nephew are darling! And you gotta love God's timing...

If there's anything else I can do to help on your Memory Garden or anything, just LMK.
~ Carole

squeaky... you sure have had a full plate lately and it looks like you have come through it with the flying (if battered) colors of survival. My heart goes out to you and I honor your strength.

Have you found our Caregivers Forum? Some there may benefit from your experience with Hospice when you feel able to talk about it.

Hello darius,
Yes I did peek into the caregivers forum - but I am not sure if I am up to reliving any of that right now. I will keep it in the back of my mind tho. One thing I realized during this experience - there's no schooling for it. You are learning as you go. I chose not to get online and share any of this as I was going through it - as it was to painful and I just didn't have the energy. It saps every bit of strength you have emotioanlly, physically, mentally. Nothing else mattered at the time - but to take care of mom.
Thank you for your kind words,
squeaky

cajun2,
my eviction was a blessing in disguise. I know that. We had been living under such stress for the past year. Between the hassles with the landlord and the illness of my mother. It was perfect timing to remove myself from that house. It held to many unhappy experiences. Time for a new slate. And I feel so much better being out of there. It was horrible to have to move so soon after the death - but in hindsight it was the right thing to do.
God's timing is amazing. Those babies where born 3 months prior to my mom being diagnosed. They where able to come down for a short visit before she passed. Not that they will remember - but Mom was happy and my sister was happy.
Thank you again for the idea of the memory garden. I think it is a fitting tribute. And I can take it with me whereever I go.