just an update

I haven't posted here in awhile so thought I'd give an update.
I have been trying to put my life back together but hasn't been very easy. My church has been so good to me. I don't know how I would have made it without them, Yet the church was my hardest place to go. My 1st husband never would go with me & it was a place Homer loved to go. I still can't sit in the pew we set in. I tried it twice & ended up crying & the lady across the aisle came & got me to sit with them. I probably will never try again.. that empty seat is just too empty.

I'm thinking about started a new life so different fom what it is now. I have put an application in for a low income apartment in Alabama that the Church of Christ University (Faulkner) has. It will be mostly Church of Christ members & mostly seniors. I can walk across the st & be at church. Can walk across the street & go to the school cafeteria & other doings at the University if I want. There is all kinds of public transportation PLUS people are glad to help U too. I haven't been approved yet as it is based on income but they said it looks like I should be OK. There is no apts available right now & 1 is ahead if me. They said they do get openings quite often. It has 100 apartments in it.
I loved it on this farm when Homer was with me but not now. With my health problems now I really don't need to be so far out & alone. My one concern is the pets. The cats & the older dog I'm not concerned about as I know Homer's late wife's daughter will take them in but not sure about the 2 little dogs. I think I can find a home for the 4 year old one but probably not his mama. They are in a run now with access to the porch so maybe she will take care of them too. She is an animal lover & has several of her own.. she lives next door on the farm also.

I also don't know What to do about the gardens. I haven't been able to bring myself to go into them since his death. We put in auto watering before we left for Alaska so the Hostas look great.. better than ever before but do need some weeks pulled out. They aren't as many weeds there as there is in my garden. It looks good too if U ignore the weeds...most plants are Very green & lush. I can walk away from my garden but don't think I can Homer's Hostas. I will have to find a loving home for them & there is a lot of them. As soon as it gets a little cooler I have to make myself get in the gardens & do some cleaning up. I don't know if I can run a weedeater with my numb hands, Feet & knee or not. The vibration may be too much for them.
BTW I got a name for what I have.. polyneuropathy caused by the kidney infection getting into my blood stream. I am on meds but they aren't helping.

I have rambled on long enough.
It is lonely here now but I'm making it.

Sugar we are still here to talk to ya know. It sounds like your thinking of the future as well, it seems to me you are a strong woman with a beautiful heart. My heart and prayers are still with you, and dont ever worry about rambling, I think Im the only one that can go on forever about nothing and think its exciting.
Are you allowed to take at least one pet with you? A little extra warmth at home is always good for you.
How long have you been on the meds? Sometimes I know it can take a while before you see any results and since its in your blood stream it can take longer, Im sorry about that.
Big long hugs to you Sugar and all good thoughts and prayers are going your way.
Janet

So glad you posted Sugar. I have been thinking about youu and wondering how things are going.
I know it is hard to do the things that you and Homer used to like to do together. My mom went through the same thing with our "family" church pew. After sitting there for over 40 years she just couldn't face it without dad. I am so glad the lady next to you was so kind and thoughtful - but that's what being part of a church family is all about isn't it?
Take care of yourself. Keep us posted on what you are doing and don't be afraid to come here to DG to talk about all of your feelings - I know you are going through so much right now.
Dianne

Hi Sugar,
Thank you for posting. I've been meaning to write to you, but just didn't know what to do (or say).

I do think of and pray for you often.

Please keep us posted and take care of yourself...

sending my love,
Lisa

((((sugar))))

Hi Sugar...I am so glad to see your post...I think of you often...did you get my long winded email? I do know what you are going through right now...and I do know that things will get better for you.

I think you are going in the right direction thinking of the move. If I hadn't of been next door to my DD and near the other DD, then I could not have stood it here in the country.

Love & Hugs

Jo

Sugar, I'm praying for you. I'm so sorry that you're so lonely. Internet only helps so much, but we do care, and pray you'll keep staying in touch here. I'm glad you're thinking of a place with more activity available to you.

Please, please, tell your doctor the meds aren't working in case they need to be changed.

Sugar, I'm so glad you posted to let us know how you are doing. Some people can handle living in the same house and doing the same things after a spouse passes away, but there are others who need to do something different, and it is in no way disrespectful. It's good to be thinking of the future, homes for yourself, the animals, and the plants. I'll keep praying for you.

SUGAR how GREAT to see you here, I had to read it twice but knew it was you, I will be gone all next week but will be in touch when I get back, keep the faith, God Bless. kare

Good to hear from you, Sugar. You're such a savvy woman. You are already embarked on a 'new life', maybe not by choice, but there you are. I think we all get knocked loose from and comfy spot and shaken about a bit many times over our lives. I'll bet it has happened to you before, and I'll bet you've always landed on your feet and got on with it.

You are so wise to listen to your own feelings about what makes you feel better, what gives you pain, and what works best for you. Take your time deciding, but life, like that pew, may need a few sit downs before you decide.

Sugar, it's so good to see you. I keep you in my prayers and I hope the apartment in AL comes through real soon for you. You might want to think about calling the botanical garden in your area for the plants you have. They might come get them and you know if they have them in their gardens that they will be well taken care of and you won't have to dig them up. Thank you for posting and stay in touch with us.

Sugar, About a year ago, I lived very close to the area you're talking about moving to. In fact, my husband got his Master's at Faulkner. It's a beautiful area. I know the University Church of Christ is very active, too, and will welcome you. If you want to know anything else about the area, give me a holler.

Sugar, like the others here, I'm glad to see you posting again. I'm so heartened to hear the kind support your church has offered you. I really do wish we were closer to Florida. ((((Love you)))

sugar I am so glad to here from you, I have been thinking about you, I know it is so hard to have to start over like you have a whole new life, nothing like it was,can be devistating., my mother is just now getting on with things after three long years, you must of already went through this once. you are doing a good thing thinking ahead, like that, I do hope things improve with your nerve damage. I have something similiar. Do they have you on Nurontin? If not try it. I believe I will be very close to you, if you get to move.

I will have to drop in on you when i come to visit my mother, I go right by there. I wish you all the best on your move take care and god bless~~~

This message was edited Aug 9, 2004 3:34 PM

My computer is down I finally hooked up a OLD computer so here I am. I have now heard from Burmingham Al (UAB hospital) I have to be there Sept 3 at 9 am. It is about a 4 hour trip. I already call the medical transport & they will take me. Then I have to go back in about 2 weeks. I will have to get another EMG & nervecondution test amoung several other test. I really dread that as I know what it is like... already had one in the hospital.
I go to the outpatient in Dothan Aug. 19 for a 3 hour gloucose tolerance test even though I know I'm not diabetic & the bladder infection was the START of this problem.
I am calling tomorrow for an eye exam. I know I need new glasses & this floater I have is really bugging me. It is like a spider & web over my whole left eye. It never goes away but I can see through the web. I went to a eye specialist & she said there was nothing we can do about it. If it got worse let them know as it can be the starting of a detached retina. This started on our way to Alaska (the day we entered Canada) What has happened to my health.. I was doing real good till May 23 (the day before we were to leave for Alaska)

Dravencat
NO they don't allow any pets in the apt.
I have been on Neurotin since the end of may & Amitriptyline for about 10 days. I started out with 1 & increase it each week till I am taking 3 at a time. When it reaches 3 I was told to stop the Neurotin.

Roadrunner,
Yes I got your letter & sorry I didn't answer :( I believe U said U may be up my way before too long. Please do stop by if U are. I'm sure even if I qualify it will be awhile before I get in the apt as right now there isn't an open & 1 is ahead of me. I'll be happy if I get in in the next year. I just hope I qualify & should know that before too long.

Cheryl_IL
I'm trying to be patient till I get to the full dose of the Amitripaline. Along with the numbness & stiffness now my big toe sure hurts if I bend it down. I know the answer to that.. don't bend it down LOL My big toe throbs some too.

kareoke
I'm just as surprised but glad to see U here.
For those of U that don't know Kare as been an internet friend of mine since about 1997 .. or was it 98? We go to a 60+ chat. We have met in person a couple of time.

Weezingreens
Yes, I have started over quite a few times in my life. As some of U know I lost my 1st DH New Years Eve 1991. Then coming here was sure a big chance as I met Homer on the net. On that one I sure was a winner. I never regreted the day I made that move..I did have a home to go back to if it didn't work. With this move IF I do get to I also have a home to come back to if I don't like it... My home right here.

Vic
I'm not sure where a botanical garden is around here. MAYBE
Dothan or Panama City. I don't know if they would be interested or not but will sure keep that in mind..Thanks

smiln32
I do have a question.. Do U know if the apartments there have patios? I hope so cause then MAYBE I can still have a few pot of flowers *SMILE*

gardenwife
My church friends is one thing I do hate to leave BUT If I get the Apt the church people there is just friends I haven't met yet. It will sure be different though going from a church with the average attendance less than 50 & thats counting kids.

springsong
Yes I have been on Neurotin since the end of May but it hasn't helped but again I don't know what it would be like if I wasn't on it. I think it is getting a little worse though.
As I said above I will let the Dr know if the Amitriptyline doesn't help when I get up to 3 pills which is full dose.

I want to thank everyone for the prayers & kind words. I do believe in the power of prayer.