I need to vent....

Last year I made tomato pies and fruit pies for a certain PTO's booth at the fair. They wanted to sell my pies, and I SOLD them to them. They said it was a big hit and raved about them, etc. As some of you know, I make my pies from only fresh tomatoes....if I don't have tomatoes, sometimes they are a neighbors, but always local and fresh picked. I make this clear to everyone and my label says 'fresh tomatoes'.

This year, I hadn't planned on doing it as the fair is this week and as of 3 weeks ago, no one had called me. I basically decided I wasn't going to do it because we are so busy with the markets anyhow.

Well, then someone from the PTO came to the market and said they had put in their newsletter that they would have my pies. So a week later the guy that runs it called me to get pies.....I told him I wouldn't be able to deliver, but I could deliver on Sunday but that I just couldn't run back to town every day because of the market. He made plans to order from me the day before market and I would bring them to the market and he would pick up.

Okay, well, Sunday I made 6 pies and delivered them, he was to call me on Monday for Tuesday delivery. No call. He never left me a phone number to reach him. Tuesday afternoon while at the market, I get a call on my cell phone from the woman I had originally talked to, ordering pies for yesterday and someone would come to the farm and pick them up. Fine. I made the pies in the morning. At 6:00 p.m. last night, no one showed up, so I looked up this woman's # on my cell phone and called her. She was shocked that the guy had not come and picked them up. She called him, called me back and said they couldn't come and would get them at the market today. I said that was fine.

Then about a half hour later I get a call from the guy saying he will pick up at the market. Okay. Then he asks me if the tomatoes in the pie are mine. I said, "well they are now because ours are finally coming in." He tells me he wants me to sign a paper saying that...I really think nothing of it, and say fine... Then he proceeds to tell me that he has been told that the tomatoes are not mine and that they are not natural (?) I'm a bit confused now...what the heck is he talking about... Tells me I lied to him. Again, I never tell anyone my pies are natural because I don't use natural flour, butter, spices, etc. He put that idea in his head himself. I tell him that my tomatoes and anyone else's I use are totally chemical free and he has nothing to worry about. He then calls me a liar again!!! Tells me I jacked up the price on them, that he only pays wholesale. Little does he know that he was paying the wholesale price and so does my customers at the farmers market. I had told him I had to raise the price a little from last year as all my expenses went up. He had told me that was fine. (I raised the price .50 a pie). The bottom line is that people really like the tomato pie and I've never been asked if they were my tomatoes in there until this man said it. He claims he did us a lot of favors by selling our pies and he really didn't do us any favors, selling 5 pies!!! I sell 3 and 4 times more than that on a Saturday morning. If they like the pies the way they are, I'm not sure what his problem is, except it sounds like HE was advertising them as something that they weren't and that's not my fault nor my problem.

He tells me he doesn't want to do business with us anymore and that he will pay for the pies he got the other day and these 3 and that will be it. I told him to just pay me for the others, that I could sell these easily. He says okay.

I really don't care that he's not buying pies anymore, because he was a nuisance anyhow and I don't make money on the tomato pies, I put a lot of money into them, but people like them and it draws them to the table to buy other things. What I don't like though is that I know he is at our county fair bad mouthing me. He's one of those "women are lower than me people" and I'm sure when people are asking for the pie, he's saying something like "they weren't what we were led to believe they were, so we stopped buying them" or something to that effect.

I was very kind to him and then my DH called him and the guy turned into a real pain in the butt, telling him we had no right to raise our price, etc. that we were messing him over.

Frankly, I wasn't sure what planet he had fallen off of, but what I think happened is that he and this woman are in charge and he didn't do what he was suppose to do and she gave him what for!!! She really wanted my pies at the booth. I think he couldn't handle being blasted by a woman and so took it out on me.

DH is more upset about it than I am really. I told him the thing that bothered me was that he called me a liair and dishonest and he insulted my integrity. I strive to be a good person and I cannot lie, never have...my conscience would get the better of me.

I also told Ralph that if people went and told him things that weren't true about us, then I have a saying......If they're talking about you, they're giving someone else a break! And talk is cheap! and if I told this guy that the sky fell on the other side of town, would he believe it?

I certainly hope that nothing derogatory comes back to me though, because I just might have to talk to a lawyer about slander. But then again, talk is cheap....

Any thoughts? Thanks for letting me vent. :) Kathy

Kathy...I've never eaten a Tomato Pie...is the recipe in the Recipe Forum? Jo

Sorry to hear you have to deal with this jerk Kathy. I don't have any suggestions on how to handle him directly. Just remember one thing though. If this guys comes off as weird and a jerk to you, he probably does to other people too. Hopefully anyone he bad mouths you to, will take it with a grain of salt knowing his character. Also, if they have already experienced your pies when they are asking if he has any, they will know how good they are and and I bet they would still buy from you at market.

RR, I am not Kathy, but I have seen it in there so I tracked it down. Here you go,
http://davesgarden.com/t/387759/
They also talked about it on this thread too.
http://davesgarden.com/t/427926/

So why did the PTO put the pies in the newsletter? That would be my first phone call.

Exactly, Sledder, but this guy is the head of the PTO. I told my DH that I thought I would refund a check for the pies they bought along with a letter explaining how I was insulted. But who would get this letter and check? Him? That would not be fruitful.

I think that when the woman calls me again or if I see her at the market, I might have a talk with her. She is 2nd in charge of the PTO and I'm sure was not told what he said to me. She was probably given a story. I am hoping that the goodness of the pies will continue to sell themselves, because he really did not do me any favors. If anything, he may have hurt me because he put them on ice last year and they got soaked! After I told him not to put them on ice, but in a cooler with ICE PACKS! Some people don't have the brains they were born with. BTW, they also sell premade Sysco sandwiches and lots and lots of candy, teeth rotters!!! :)

Thank you Sweezel for posting the recipe. Yes, I put it in last year when I talked about selling these pies at the fair and everyone at DG wanted the recipe then :) It is good, so most say. :)

I'm going to say this as a past president, vice president, and publicity chairman of my daughter's PTO...they screwed up. And someone owes you an apology. Furthermore who receives the profit from these sales? It should go directly to the children in the school..not their pockets. And there should've been a form made out for such advertisements in the newsletter. If there weren't then again, they screwed up. Cause it sounds to me like they aren't looking out for the children's best interest. They're looking out for themselves. What a pity.....

((((((Kathy))))))

Thank You Sledder. Just by virtue of what you say, I feel a lot better, because people sometimes tend to make you believe what they say....even though you know its wrong. I start thinking, what if...? and I don't like to upset anyone, I'm just that kind. Now, don't get me wrong, I'll fight for myself, but I avoid negativity as much as I can.

So, being the past president and such, who would you recommend one writes to, I definitely want to put something in writing. Another reason I vented here is so that I can look back at this when my mind goes and remember if I need to LOL.

As far as an apology, I wouldn't accept one from this man, but I would accept one from someone else on the PTO. And I couldn't tell you where the money goes or how much, but they sell and awful lot of penny candy, candy bars, etc....

When I told him he could more than $2.50 a slice (6 to a pie) he laughed at me and basically told me they weren't worth that. I told him that if they can sell pork sandwiches and burgers for $5.00 at the fair, with nothing!!! you have to pay more for lettuce and tomatoes, etc. then I thought he could get at least $3.00 for a piece of pie. I still think that. My goodness, they sell a small ice cream cone for two bucks!!! and it costs $7.00 to get in the fair.....

Frankly, I don't even go but to look at the exhibits and then go home. I don't like to be in crowds like that (I suppose because I am with people all the time at the market.)

:) Kathy

Kathy, I'm so sorry to hear this, but I know exactly what you're feeling, having been in similar situations. Its all about power, and the smaller the power base, the more petty the one who holds it.

I don't think this has anything to do with your pies, or the PTO for that matter, its just the only way he can make himself feel like he's in charge of the world.

I think, if I were you, I would send a letter to the woman who called, let her know what this man is saying and explain to her that this is a part of your livelihood and any negative and untrue statements on the part of anyone that could prove detrimental to your business in any way could lead to legal action. It is extrememly unlikely that it would ever go that far, especially if your letter is worded in such a way that you are presented as a business person who is looking at this in a logical and practical manner and not as an "emotional woman" (boy, I hate that!!!).

Whatever you do, don't deal with this man. He is obviously on some sort of power trip and could just love to get you at full steam.

Good question.. Since the "bad guy" is the president then perhaps the vice president, publicity chairman, or the ways & means chairman. At the beginning of the year you should've gotten a list of everyone involved with the PTO. If not, then address it to them c/o of the school. They'll get it to them. There's also an individual on the PTO Board that is suppose to keep everyone on the "up and up". In other words, honest. I can't remember what that committee is called right now. (old age thing again) And please don't think the entire PTO is bad. There's some really great Moms and Dads out there that really work their tails off for their children.

Question: are you sure it's PTO and not PTA? There's a huge difference. PTO is Parent Teacher Organization and each organization is responsible for themselves. But a PTA is Parent Teacher Association and they answer to a "higher authority" which is the head of their Association. They also have to pay $$ to the Association too. There are advantages and disadvantages to both.

yes, I would talk with the woman that is the vice chair and also tell them to please contact you before they do this next year to see if you are available or not. This guy won't last long and I expect the rest of the PTO would be horrified at his behavior..

Sounds to me like your booth needs to be rid of HIM.

It is the PTO and my children don't even go to this school anymore. I am not affiliated nor do I work for the PTO. How it came about is that I wanted to sell tomato pies at the fair last year and they said only non-profit agencies can sell food. He said let me think and then this man, the PTO Pres. called me back and that was how the pies went to the fair, they wanted me.

I sell them at the farmers' market and frankly, have been so busy at the market this year that I wasn't even planning to sell them at the fair. But when she told me that it was sent out in their PTO newsletter, well how can I let the PTO down, you know what I mean?

I think this guy wanted something for nothing and I can't do that, as little as I am. Wish I could be very generous. And Kathleen, I think you are absolutely right....his biggest problem is he is on a power trip.

Thanks guys, you all are making me feel so much better about this.

And it just occured to me I know the principal very well of the school, maybe I can talk to her. :)

Kathy IMHO I would write a letter and CC all board members of the PTO (then mr Prez would not feel like you were trying to get around him and yet other would be aware of the situation). I would not be on the offensive or the defensive simply state that there must be some misunderstanding either on your end or theirs and you would like to address them so they can be cleared up.

I write alot of letters both good and bad so if you need any help getting your thought into words email me and I can try to help out. Sometimes it is easier to write when you are not emotionally involved.

edited to say::: Wow missed a few posts trying to get this written at work. Sounds like others already said this same thing. And talking to the priciple sounds like a great idea

This message was edited Jul 29, 2004 3:22 PM

ditto to what old_rose said. More proffesional that way and you are heard by everyone involved(hes part of a committee, everyone is involved).

I just saw this thread, Kathy. I know how hard it is to be unjustly accused of stuff -- and this is such an outrageous and silly thing for him to be doing, too! I agree with Old_Rose about writing to the PTO members, all of them. If this guy was like this with you, many will probably roll their eyes and nod their heads when they read about the hubbub; he's probably got a reputation for such silliness.

Kathy, I hope you are not going to let what this guy did and said bother you too much longer. Just deal with it by talking to the principal or writing the letters and then put it behind you. (Easier said than done, of course).

He is the one that has problems, unfortunately he has been giving you grief too.


((((((((((Hugs))))))))))

Esther......((((((BIg Hugs)))))) I haven't seen you here for so long. Write and let me know how life is...How is Bob? We think of you guys often.

Thanks for all your kind words and encouragement. :) Kathy

Kathy, have Ralph don his KY RU outfit...you know the one...and call on this "gentleman". When he see a 6'+ blonde, with long braids (and a beard) approaching it will curddle his blood!!

(I looked for the picture to post but it eluded me!) LOL Jo

Well, it is in the middle of this posting. I tried to copy the pic, but it didn't come through.

http://davesgarden.com/t/401887/Ralph

Is this the one you were talking about? tee hee

Yeah...ya'll just scroll down past GeorgiaRedClay and turn your head sideways (she didn't know how to turn the picture.LOL), and you will see whom I am talking about!! Jo

Update: Yesterday I had farmers' market and at the beginning of it, when we are usually the busiest, the man that insulted me (above) came with a check for the pies that he did take.

Now, I want you to know what a real coward does! He drove in, jumped out of his car, handed a folded check to a friend of my daughter's that just happened to be behind the table at that moment......[incidently, Ralph was standing right behind the friend]....said "give this to Kathy", jumped in his car and I saw him taking off, rather quickly, from the parking lot. Can you believe it? I looked at the check and you can hardly read it, it is in such chicken scratch.

I just couldn't believe he couldn't hand it directly to Ralph or I, we were both no less than 3 feet away!

I have given up the anger on this one :) A placard at a church on the way to town says "If one angers you, he controls you." Makes sense and I gave it up. :) I think they put that up for me....

Anyhow, I wasn't mad that he handed it to someone else, just had to laugh, because his colors shown through bright.

Happy Day, Kathy

Kathy, and here is the fun part....you will always know he is more uncomfortable about the situation than you will ever will be... you had "right" on your side, acted accordingly...

I like the end of your story....you handled yourself with grace and dignity all along and his colors showed through...and...he realized it himself - either through some self-awareness or comments from someone else...

Those are the best wins...where the other party concedes all on their own... and you just go about your business...

Cheers from across the pond!
Sandra

I must second what Sandra just posted so concisely. :)

When you roll good things forward into your future, despite what might be going on at any given moment, *THOSE* are the types of things that will return to you. Likewise with bad things. You're a winner, Kathy, all the way around!

*HUGS*
Donna

This message was edited Aug 4, 2004 5:55 PM

Kathy, I just caught up with this thread.Here I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth because you had so much work to do and it was because you were jumping up and down so much with anger and wondermont. Is this guy a doorknob or what?
I feel so bad for you, I know how hard you work and how much pride you and Ralph take in growing and making 'your own" things.I am so mad I could spit. But as usual you have handled it with far more grace and character than I ever could have. Yah Kathy!
You are right if this guy wasn't talking about you he'd only be talking about someone else. And people say women are gossips. Hurrmp!!!
Next time someone asks you to volunteer your time or pies or produce I know you will because that is the kind of person you are. My hat goes off to you. I am so glad that someone as small as this "bigwig" (I use the term with tongue in cheek) has run up against someone like you. Grrr! MY teeth are sore from gritting them and lo and behold my tongue is sore too!
Take care of yourself. Remember it is people like this gentleman (ha, ha) who help make the world go round.
Hugs,
Dianne