Life goes on

No matter how empty it is life has to go on. I feel so alone. We had a nice service for Homer (Grenwood) this Thursday. Now I feel so alone in this big world. I'm sure all of U will be here for me but thats not the same. I can't feel your hugs. All I had to say if I was upset over something or down was, "I need a hug"...The last time I told him that he couldn't return it. I miss him so much. I know I will go on but it will never be the same.

My yard is a mess & I have no energy to tend to it. I have to somehow get the weeds out of his Hostas. He loved them & took such good care of them. He told me before we left that the arbor I had red honey suckles (sp) on was to heavy & would go over.. well it did the day we had his service.

I feel like God tried to keep us away from Alaska but we wouldn't listen. At least he died happy doing the things he loved to do like flying & fishing, He died after a fishing trip in the sea plane (before takeoff) I don't think he even knew what hit him..it was so fast. His cousin even let him fly the plane which he hadn't had the chance to do in many years.

I know I not only lost a husband but also lost a family. Sure they will call for awhile & his son may have to return for bussiness but they will drift away soon. Nothing will ever be the same again.

I hope I don't lose my love of gardening but right now I see no joy in them. The greenhouse is in shreds & I can't fix it even though I have the good plastic here.

I have 2 big health problems. My numb hands, feet & knee.
Thank goodness my 2 typing fingers aren't too bad.
I also know I have a detached retina starting & could lose the sight in that eye. I'm gonna call about that Monday..should have already done it but had other important things on my mind.

As some of U know I don't drive (no lectures please as I have heard them all) I found out that I can be taken to a dr anywhere for a small fee that the county runs. To My Drs it will be $10 round trip if I am alone & $5 if another person is going also. At least I won't have to bother people for rides to the dr.

I can't say I'll never find anyone else but doubt it will be the same if I did. I know from past experiences that time heals most wounds. This wound is pretty deep.

Your wound is deep indeed. I wish I had magic words to speed you along on the road to recovery but that is impossible. All I can offer is heartfelt sympathy and a willingness to 'listen' to you here when you want to talk about your Greenwood/Homer.

It is good to know you have transportation for Dr. visits. Do they have a service available for other things such as shopping?

As for the trip, I prefer to believe that God helped you overcome the obstacles to make the trip possible. I think he wanted Homer's last days on this earth to be enjoyed and for your last memories to be pleasant ones of times spent together before he called him home.

I am sorry that I cannot lift this sorrow from you but I will pray that you find the strength to carry on.

Wish I were going to Florida, instead of California next week, I would difinitely give you a hug........many hugs!!

"eyes"

Sugar, I hear so much pain in your words. I know that you are back home and lonely and memories of Homer are everywhere around you. I'm sure you will expect him to walk through the door or say those so familiar things and do those most expected things and he won't. I saw my MIL and great aunt suffer so much pain and loneliness after losing their mates of 47 years. They always said it got easier but the pain never truly went away. The biggest thing they could not get past, was trying to cook for one. There is no joy in that and no joy in eating alone. Little by little they found ways to get things done and tried not to be upset over what was *his* job and the things they could not do. I know none of can say anything to remove your pain or to make your days any easier. I am sure though, you can email us or even call some of us if you just need someone to listen. I don't really know you and never got to know Homer really well either, other than the friendly banter we all exchange here. I sure wish I lived closer because myself and any of my family would be thrilled to help you with things around the house, running errands or just sitting outside with a cup of coffee and exchanging a few words. I hope you can find hapiness. You'll be in my thoughts.

sugar_fl, so glad to see you posting. There's a lot of comfort to be had here in the garden. Right now, there are so many changes in your life and so many things to deal with, that you must feel overwhelmed. From your posting, I can see that you will survive this loss and make you way through the world, just as Homer would want.

I have had such a loss some 14 years ago, suddenly, to a plane accident. I cannot begin to presume to know how you feel, but I might be of some help. Email me anytime.

Zany, Thanks. His last days were truly happy for him. The 5 days in Alaska I didn't see too much of him as the woman did things & the men did things. That doesn't bother me at all.

They provide a trip to town once a month. They make stops at the bank, store & a few other places. How can U buy a months groceries & bring it home on a bus? They go to WalMart every 2 months if enough wants to go. I don't believe shopping will be a problem though. The church & next door which was Homer's late wife's daughter & probably her brother will see I have what I need. I jokingly called them my step-step children. It is the emptiness of the house that hurts me. We were hardly ever separated.

Sugar... thanks for letting us know how you're doing. I've been thinking of your earlier posts about how you and Greenwood met and came together late in life, embarked on the wonderful diet, your travels, the gardens...

I hope you can retain your love of gardening - maybe with the hostas you can remember the love that Homer had for them, your love for each other...

Sorry, I don't have any eloquent words, but just wanted to send a hug... and let you know that I am glad you posted - please do stay in touch...

Sandra

Oh, Sugar, I was just going to e-mail you and ask how you're doing, but then saw this post. Honey, I'm so sorry. I can imagine the loneliness, and I wish I were closer to Florida.

Let DG -- let us -- ease the burden a little. You know we always have someone online, day or night. There's always the nightowl thread going in Jokes and Chat. Even if gardening's the last thing on your mind, gardeners are a good-hearted bunch and we're here for you.

Sugarfl,
Although I don't know you nor you me, I live close enough (Crestview) that I can come out there and give you a hand when you are ready. Just say the word.

My prayer is that you can find peace, as I have. It's been five years this week that my husband passed away. Now I can remember all the wonderful years we had together and be thankful for each and every one of them. It isn't easy, but as the memories return, they replace so much of the grief. Now I hold him in my heart as I once did in my arms. The arms may be empty, but the heart is full. I will hold you also in my heart and my prayers.
Pati

Sugar, my heart goes out to you and am sorry that you have to face this hurt, loss, and lonliness. Don't expect to view anything the way you used to. Feelings of being over-tired, overwhelmed, and listless are normal, as is losing interest in things in which you took joy in before.

Those feelings are normal. And, eventually, they will change (for the better). But that takes time, so give yourself PLENTY.

Talking to people who have had similar losses helps us to understand the grieving process -- it is a complicated one. But, sometimes, knowing what to expect and what is going on might help to make those feelings less frightening for you. The more you talk about it (to family, personal friends, or here at Dave's), the better the healing process.

And please remember to take care of yourself.

I don't mean to sound preachy, but wanted to offer some sympathy and, perhaps, some help. I've handled the losses of loved ones both alone and with help -- 'with help' is better. Generally, people don't mind listening. And, although many feel awkward because they don't know what to do or how to help, just listening is sometimes enough. You know that the folks here will always listen and help if they can.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Sugar, when you need a hand with that garden or anything for that matter, just holler. Trish lives just down the road from me and I will grab her and we will come up and help. And if you need me to run up there on a weekend and take you grocery shopping, just holler and I will be there.

Sometimes I feel so limited in the words I can use to convey a thought. Telling you "I'm sorry" is such an understatement. Saying "I am praying for you" just isn't enough. Please know that in my heart there is a sadness that is somehow joined to yours and a longing to share what strength I have with you to help you through this. I do not know from experience what you are feeling. I can only say that I hope, in time, you will feel better and will be able to focus on the world around you again.

Sugar-- I too am a newbie here so as a total stanger to you I will pray that God' healing hand will pick you up and carry you in this time of need. Like the others said--- things will never be the same but with Gods Love all things are possible and will continue... When I lost my ex mother in law--- (I loved her like a mother) I stayed alot with my ex father in law at the time for my ex husband was working out of state and there was no one near for him. Well at first he was tickled to have me there as company but then as days passed I found that he was craving for some time alone to grieve over his wife. Then one day I went over to spend the day and noticed that he had changed the furniture around in the living room and I questioned him about it and he told me that he had done it so that he could watch the door from his recliner because he knew that she would return after her weekly bingo game. Then I noticed that he was going for awful long time without anything new in the ice box. Well when I questioned him about eating he had stopped. I don't think that it was on purpose but more that it was "their" time together. They were the type that no matter how small or large the meal was the two enjoyed it together at the dinner table. He thought that if he didn't eat then he wouldn't hurt at that time. Well he wound up in the hospital. Which was the best thing for him because then people other than I could see that severe depression had set in. Well they ordered some grief counseling and with time he improved but like you and Homer they had a very strong relationship. I don't know what to say except from one stranger to another I send you peace. I send you strength and patience as for we do not know why God does the things that HE does but we are not to question. Sugar God will walk with you thru this horrible time in your life but you have got to be willing to rely on His strength and love. In the meantime all of us here will continue to pray for you and may the weight that now is sitting on your broken her be lifted by our Heavenly Father daily. Marie

thehumblebumble Going to bed alone & eating alone is very hard for me. I doubt I ever eat at the table again (alone). I went though this in 1991 & I Went 11 years eating at the computer (kinda hard on keyboards.) I'm sure that will happen again but I will eat as I know I need to.
I think this will be the hardest though as my 1st husband chose when to die. I told myself I still had a lot of living to do.
It is hard not having family here except for my church family & DG family. I hope to be able to remain here in FL as It is my home now.

MzMunchken & rylaff I just may take U up on that offer later. It is very kind of U both to offer.

Weezingreens we had talked about coming to see U the 1st of the week.. we almost made it.
GW we had hoped to come see U after we returned in Sept..we had a lot of places & people we wanted to see there.

Homer prayed almost dailey for us to have a save return home from Alaska. I guess this was partly answered as this could have happened when he was driving the motor home.

I feel like I will very soon have eye surgery & not sure what can be done about my hands, feet & knee. I only pray something can be done. I fear that it is permanent.

Even though these post bring tears to my eyes they help.
God bless each & everyone of you.



This message was edited Jul 17, 2004 11:20 PM

Sugar, I am at a loss for words to comfort or bring you peace of mine. All the others have already said anything I could possibly think of saying. Just know that I think of you often and pray for you too when I think of you. I watched my mother go thru the sudden loss of her mate of over 50 years and it was so hard-for all of us. GOD bless and keep you daily and even moment by moment.

((((((Sugar))))))

((((Sugar))))) Just to let you know Sugar-- I added you to the church's prayer wheel--- so you will have many "strangers" but sisters and brothers in Gods Love praying for you. Like leaflady said--- you have to take it moment to moment and then day to day. I am holding you close to my heart.

I am at a loss for words Sugar, please know I am praying for you.

Like some of the above I don't have the words to express to you the sympathy I feel for you. Please know that we are all here in the garden for you when you need us. Just a email or post away. You will continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.

Darlene, I cannot find the words to say to you that may make you feel a little better, but just know that you have my heartfelt sympathy, and I will keep you in my prayers for you to find happiness again soon.

Surgar,

My prayers go out to you in your time of need. I met you at the Fl. Round-Up in April. You are so warm
& outgoing. I know how terrible things are now, but God has a plan.
God will see you though this terrible time.

Honeybee~Bonnie

When I read these messages of love I think of my families favorite hymn, "In the Garden". Truly the spirit of God walks here in DG, and offers you comfort through your friends.
Pati

May God bless you, Sugar, real good!!

I, too, don't know you personally, but I echo what patischell said, "Truly the spirit of God walks here in DG, and offers you comfort through your friends." Because of the Lord, we are all brothers and sisters in Him. There is no greater love than what he gives to us all. My heart aches for you, too. I know, too, that time and lots of support from your friends will help you to heal. I pray that you will continue to seek out the medical help you need now and that God will heal your numbness, and eye problem, and broken heart at the same time. Please take care of yourself and rely on the Lord and all your friends at DG and elsewhere to love you through this. Sounds like you have DG neighbors who are knocking at your door. May you find God's peace while you are healing.

I love "In the Garden." It was a family favorite. And the words of another are ringing in my heart now. "Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place. I can feel the brush of angel wings, I see glory on each face. Surely the presence of the Lord is in this place."

Hugs and prayers,

Barbara

This message was edited Jul 18, 2004 11:31 AM

((((Sugar))))

We all feel at such a loss for words at times, this is one of those times. You'll be in my prayers, may God's peace be with you through all your days and nights, and in all that you do to adjust to this tragedy.

God Bless You Sugar. You are in my prayers.

Vicki

You are in my thoughts and prayers Sugar. I too like so many just don't know what to say to comfort you. Just know that your family here at DG are just a click or email away. GW is right, you can find someone here 24/7 who will be more than willing to "listen".
Take good care of yourself, you too are important.
Dianne
Edited for spelling

This message was edited Jul 18, 2004 8:20 PM

May God be with you. Doris

Still praying for you sweetie. XoXoXooooooooooooooooooo

(((((Sugar))))) Here for you too, I wish I was closer but know that Im thinking of you and praying for you and Homer still.

Im here and ive been there!

(((((((((((((((((((hugz))))))))))))))))))

My Prayers are with you! God Bless! Denise

Sugar_fl, although you and I have never crossed paths here before I understand to a certain extent how you must feel from personal experience. The loss of a beloved one is always emotionally tragic, but always remember that everyone has their own personal emotional timetable when it comes to grief and their own personal way of coping with the loss.
When my adopted father died of cancer, my adopted mom was very angry in her grief about him leaving her alone in this world after 42 years of marriage. She cleaned out all of his clothes from the closet to give to charity almost immediately after the the funeral, and all us kids could do was stare at her with wide eyes in disbelief. I'll be honest for the first few days after the funeral I didn't know what to say to her, but then I found talking about their past and experiences together would bring a smile to her voice.
I guess what I am trying to say is that you have friends here and if you want to talk about your memories with Greenwood/Homer you have many ears. If you need your own space that will be respected too. Whatever you do take care and remember alot of folks here are thinking of you. Carol

Sugar, I've tried not to post sugary things for you because I have almost an understanding of the depth of your grief.

However, I came across this today when looking for something amongst my bookmarks, and thought it was an interesting observation.

"I am standing on the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she is only a ribbon of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.

There! She's gone! But someone at my side says, 'Gone where?'

From our sight, that's all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left our side; and just as able to bear her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size is in us, not in her.

Just at the moment when you say, 'There! She's gone!' other voices are ready to take up the glad shout: 'There she comes!' And that is what we call dying."

Right now I'm trying to just go on. I have appointments with the doctors now. The one for my eye is Wed.. I wish it was tomorrow but it has been like this over 3 weeks so hopefully another day won't matter.
Homer left things kinda in a mess & don't know how it will turn out. I found evidence of another insurance policy (checks to them) called & there is one but he never put it in my name. I'm sure it is in his sons name. I hope he gives it to me as I know his dad meant me to have it. He (son) makes VERY good money & he doesn't need that little bit of money. I doubt it is over $5000. That will pay off a credit card he had.

His daughter search the whole house (every drawer & closet) & took anything she thought was his before we married. I was gone when she did it. I told them they could have his guns & OLD machanical (sp)tools. I wanted them to have a few things to remember him by but I would like to have a say in what. I think she just grabbed all she could. A small pocket knife he bought at the flea market is gone. A small knife I had layed on the dresser is also gone. I knew I couldn't take it on the plane. No telling what else is missing. I know the old pump Homer fixed for our pond is gone. Sure she lives in the FL keys & will probably never come back here but she could have asked. She had to know we had plans for it. I'm sure glad his wallet & OLD money clip was in my pocketbook.
He has lived here since Hurricane Andrew & this is her only time being here. I though she came to his memorial service but now I wonder. I know it sounds like maybe we have fought for 4 years but we haven't. I think death brings out the best in most but can bring out greed in some.

I sure hope his son will do right by me. His father always told me that he would when he was gone. I hope he doesn't let his father down.

I guess I'm in the angry part of grief but not at Homer. I know he didn't want to leave me alone. We had many plans for the future. He read something in a book & told me, "When we leave this earth no matter how hard we have worked we will always leave a TO DO LIST." He left a long one. Some will get done but most won't.

Sugar,

I'm so sorry for your loss, and your emptiness. I've often worried about my DH and his health problems, and wonder how I'd survive without him. I know the time will come eventually, but I don't want to think about it because I'm not sure how I'll handle it. (My DH has high blood pressure and just can't give up the smoking - he turns 50 in September). He also has a high stress business that worries me.

I will keep you in my prayers, that you will find comfort and strength to go on, and gain more strength each day. From what I have learned, as time goes on you do get better, you let go, and your life continues.

(((((hugs)))))

Karrie

Oh, Sugar, it would be so upsetting to have someone come in and basically rob you. I'm praying Homer's son does the right thing. Praying for your health concerns, too. Write any time!

The Daugther had no right to go through your home and invade your privacy like that! I understand that she lost her Father and grief can make people act badly but her actions were unacceptable. I pray that his son will be more considerate of you and know that as his Father's widow you deserve to be treated with curtesy and respect and Love.

Oh Dear! I didn't read that part! You two are absolutely right!

Sugar,

Don't let them in and show themselves lacking of self respect.

That is WRONG.