Would like your help for my neighbor

Many of you know who - the guy that is ill (has cancer), and we found out that the girl selling drugs in the neighborhood is staying with him, supposebly a caregiver.

Well - I know she doesn't have time to care for him - she is always out in the streets. But that is besides the point now.

My neighbor Dee got home from Iowa yesterday and we talked today about how to help him in this situation.

I really CAN'T go over and mow his lawn right now, because that girl is still there, and she and her friends really frighten me. I wish that weren't the case, but I'm scared to death to go over there, and believe I should just listen to my gut instinct on this one.

Dee has talked to him, and found out he's been driving himself to go get his chemo treatments. He was so sick today, he couldn't get out of the car when he got home.

So.... he's doing it on an outpatient basis.

Aren't there groups, organizations or something that could get him RESPONSIBLE care at home, even if he is low income? I don't think hospice helps as long as he's outpatient. Not sure on that, however.

We do, however, want him to know that his neighbors are there, and that we'd like to see him get someone decent and nice in there. We kind of feel this lady there is just taking total advantage of him. It is really very sad, and I know there must be something we can do for him.

Please share suggestions of any orgs you know out there, that aren't just local to you, so we can start seeing if something can be done for him. Dee and I plan on doing this "gently" as we also believe he's a little stubborn, and is not willing to just say the words "I need help."

We also, for his sake, have called off, temporarily, calling crime check when we see the girl active. He told us that he told her to stop, and that if we notice the behavior continue to make record of it, and he will tell her to leave. We have done that, and Dee is letting him know tomorow.

I do hope it isn't too difficult for him to remove her from his home, as he is very very ill.

Karrie, I know you need info in your own area. But all I have is information about FL. Maybe you can find some of these resources in your local telephone directory.

FL has an Elder Hotline that can be used to report elder abuse, which this appears to be. The report goes to a division of the State Department of Children and Family Services, who take the information anonymously, and are required to investigate within, I think, 24 hours. To reach this line here, you just dial 211. You may have this service there.

If you don't have 211, this Elder Hotline, or whatever WA calls it, may be listed in the business section of your telephone directory. You might also try the yellow pages under Social Service Organizations.

FL also has a Department of Elder Affairs. There is probably something comparable in Washington State. They seemed to have a pretty good elder program when DH's mom was living there.

You can probably find what you need on the web: Elder Abuse Reporting, or WA State gov. Elder Services.

Here, DCF sends in the needed services immediately. They also request the services of the Police if needed to check out the report, or to remove someone from the elder's house. Of course, if he denies having a problem, they might not be able to help him. But we used to get clients all the time from DCF when I worked at Elder Care Services as a caseworker.

I hope this info helps. If not, LMK and I will check further. That's all I have tonight/this morning. : )

Karrie Im trying to think of names here, sorry, but Social Services is a good call or if you can find the name of the company/agency who sent this person to his house and report to them what you have seen. Most likely if its an agency(or either) it would be best to put it in writing and hand/mail it to them. I have found that anything put in writing with a date and an immediate action request is more likely to get action as then its considered a priority. No one can say " We never got a call about that". Send it certified if necessary( very inexpensive).
Unfortunatly I found out the written thing with my DD middle school, a substitute teacher had shoved her and NO one even looked into it until I called the police and filed a report. This was after 2 weeks of phone calls from me and the staff putting me off with weak excuses. DD wasnt hurt but it did happen in front of the entire class, when I filed the report I told this to the officer and told him Ive spoken with several other students and thier parents who all said they would make a statement.
Not trying to take over here, just trying to give an example. Even the school system doesnt give it priority unless you sent them a dated letter and give them a time limit in writing of when you want action or they wont do it. Sad but thats the way it works sometimes.

Karrie - I'm a nurse and we just watched a film about elder abuse (I work in labor & delivery but sometimes we care for older women who have gyne surgery). Abuse isn't just hitting or yelling. It also includes neglect, stealing food/money, moving in and freeloading, etc. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE or 1-800-787-3224 and report this. They keep it confidential so you don't have to worry that the druggies will come after you.

Eileen

I will talk to Dee about all this. What we are trying to do is avoid trouble for him. Because of the drugs, he could get in trouble too.

This is all quite weird, as this man is former law enforcement. I think it's the chemo that he is on, that is causing him to not think clearly.

I guess his house is a very big mess, and Dee wants to go help him with it. I told her I'd love to help out, but simply can't until that girl is gone, as she knows I've seen her, and whom I believe is her drug boss (and he's even seen me see him).

Hopefully some more suggestions will come in. Something in the way of "caregiving" so that he can freely tell this girl to move out, knowing someone nice is going to come in and keep an eye on him.

Does he have a relative that should be informed of the situation?
Does he qualify for Home Health Care to come and visit daily/weekly?
It's hard for you to help him because you are not a relative and due to confidentiality issues, no one will want to discuss his case with you (like his doctor). So you will have to ask him what you can do to help him. It's very likely that the drugs have sapped his physical and mental energy and that he is incapable of making good decisions regarding his own care. If only you could inform a relative or his doctor of the situation, then they would take over from there - even if they won't discuss his health with you, they would still listen to your report and then they are mandated by LAW to provide assistance.
I still think the hotline is a good idea - they won't hold it against him if he is being taken advantage of by a drug user.

Eileen

Dee is supposed to touch bases with him at 2:00 this afternoon (it is now almost 9:00 am on the west coast). Maybe we can find out then.

Dearest KARRIE, On May 3rd your thread was "Maybe I'm a bad person", on May 5th "Would like your help for my neighbor". You obviously lead with your heart, and feel disapointment when things don't work out. Thank GOD there are people like you! Your's is not an easy path to tread, but the world is richer for your care. You have received some excellent advice here, call on the resourses suggested. This is one case you will need all the help you can get. If there is no solution, you know you have done all you can.
Pati

If he is a senior, check out www.medicare.gov/nursing/alternatives/pace.asp. It is called the "Program for All Inclusive Care for the Elderly."
That is where I found home health care for my Dad. There is actually a program here, that combines medicare, medicaid and whatever other resources available. We had to move all assets into Mom's name, (we weren't hiding assets, the county told us to do so), but now the combined program covers everything. My father has had six strokes, and cannot see much, can't talk, has limited movement, (confined to a wheelchair), and cannot swallow, (tube feeding).

This marvelous organization has a facility where he goes that combines doctors visits, physical, occupational, and speech therapy, day care, and more. Every weekday, their CNA arrives to help get Dad up, bathed, shaved, and dressed. Then their wheelchair van arrives and takes him to the center. We had noticed his feet were a bit swollen, so we sent a note to the doctor. No waiting for an appointment. She is onsite. We also send notes when we need medicine refills, which they provide, (at last check THAT was $1100 per month) they provide the food for him, as well as all the equipment, i.e. hospital bed, wheelchair, transfer disk, outdoor ramp, and more. Every evening, they bring him home, and another CNA is there to help Mom change him, get him to bed, or whatever is needed.

It allows us to have him home with his family, not be in a nursing home, and still work, and have lives of our own. Check and see if something similar is available where you are. The daycare part isn't mandatory, we just use it because we do work, and Mom cannot care for Dad by herself.

Terre

This message was edited May 5, 2004 4:30 PM

This message was edited May 5, 2004 4:37 PM

WOW, what a blessing, Terre. That's great.

Oh, I'd nominate these people for sainthood in a minute. But since I actually found them starting from medicare website, maybe there is something similar in Seattle?

Karrie,
You are an awesome person! Anyone would be blessed to have you as a neighbor!

I am sure you got some good info.Pa. has area angency on the aging,which is very helpful with lots of good info. I AM A caregiver in penna. Just be very careful with the gentleman because they get terrified that they will lose their helb and be alone. You didnt mention age,be careful this is not a girlfriend.

Yes - my neighbor Dee and I are trying to be very careful about this. We know he doesn't want to lose his home. Thank you all for all your ideas so far.

PMJI,
Hospice is DEFINITELY for outpatient care, that is their primary thing!

What is Hospice:
http://www.hospicefoundation.org/what_is/

By definition hospice exists to provide comfort and support in a terminal illness. Your neighbor is having chemotherapy so his illness may or may not be considered terminal (the chemo can be for cure or "just" for putting off the inevitable)... perhaps you are not comfortable asking if you don't know...

But he surely should have a consultation with a hospice representative! My dad had terminal cancer and we kept saying we didn't need Hospice: there were three strong grown women (one a nurse) sharing care. Well, my dad went from actively using a walker & engaging in computer stuff to bed-bound & unable to swallow in less than a week! Fortunately Hospice facilitated dermal-patch pain relief, where his oncologist had him only on short-acting oral meds -- unfortunately, we didn't have their help until so close to the end. It's pretty much impossible to predict the precise course of events or their speed.

Talk about people in line for sainthood! The man who came to the house was so reassuring, knew what to say, -- I believe the earlier the better -- if the illness is even possibly terminal, some consulting and counseling helps the person and family to work out how they themselves feel!!!

Second point: In upstate NY the county has the home health care nurse on some kind of sliding scale -- you do not have to be destitute, just in need. I don't know the details (this was for my grandparents not my dad).

Let us know what's happening! ~spin!~

Karrie, if you Google 'elder abuse help' you will get an extensive list of sites which have local, state and national organizations that can help protect your neighbor.

crystal, thank you and I will share this with Dee.

The rest of you, see my new post of victory for him and our neighborhood, on this forum!!!!!!!!