i'm mad at my dh

Hope I can post this here, wasn't sure where else to post it. LOL

Here's the story,

I have this great friend who's married to a jerk so to speak. I love her dearly, and we have a great time together. She and her hubby bought some property up in eureka springs. And have been going up there on the weekends to fix it up. She recently asked me to go with them, and she and I could go off shopping, and she could show me some of the area, just the two of us. But he would be staying there at the house, and at night. I use to work for this friend several years ago, and I quit because I didn't like the looks, mouth etc. I got from her husband. He was permiscuous I think that's how you spell it. Never really propositioning me, but Always had it on his mind, yall know the type. My hubby knows all about him, doesn't like him atall. Doesn't want me to go up there even though I'm only going to be with my friend most of the time. hubby says He'll still be there. If it were just you and her going it would be diff. I understand his point of view. I dont' like her hubby either. But really want to go. And get this yall

My husband has a boss, who's wife loves to hunt. She's an ex wife of his now, but when they were married, the boss would ask my DH to take her hunting with him. And DH did this all the time. I didn't like it but I went along with it. She's a permiscuous woman too, that';s why they ended up in a divorce, not cause of something she did with my dh, but someone else. Now if he can do this, why can't I do what I want to do. MY dh knows I don't like my friends SH (sorry hubby), and I do everything I can to keep my distance from him.

Should I just drop it and not go, I really want to get away for the weekend, I love it up there, and dh won't take me up there. or should I bring up the subject of dh taking his bosses wife hunting and I didn't like it, Which by the way , I haven't said anything about yet. I'm not the type to stir up trouble, but part of me wants to go so bad, that I don't think he's being fair.

your honest opinions here ok. I'm a christian, and I know I should be submissive to my husband. And have been so far, as of right now, the subject is over and I'm not going to go up there with her. But, BUT BUT BUT, youknow how I really feel, dh doesn't know this.
I could really just forget the hole thing, and go on, I would get over it. HA! sounds like im making up my own mind doesn't it. LOL

kathy_ann

I forgot to mention that my friends dh is not like this any more to me, but my dh doesn't know this. And when I say Your supose to be submissive to your husbands, I don't really practice this LOL he tells me not to spend money and I don't spend money for a couple of weeks. LOL then i'm back to buying plants again.

just thought I'd add this.

Hold on there girl..take a deep breath. I'm sure someone MUCH smarter than me will have some advice for you, and I just can't wait to read it!

Kathy Ann, My advice would be for you to make your decision based upon what is right for your situation without comparing it to your husband's taking the boss's wife hunting. If what your husband did was wrong, it will not make your situation right by default. If what your husband did was ok, it also will not make your situation right by befault.

Honesty and trust are really important in a marriage. If your husband feels that you are not being honest with him and that he cannot trust you, it will create a barrier that will be very difficult to ignore. By all means, keep your relationship with your girlfriend. But perhaps, it might be better to consider doing things without her husband, unless your husband is willing to go along.

If you are angry about what your husband did in the past, please find a way to talk to him about it and/or get help in forgiving him. I worry that this is a situation that will eat at you from the inside until the outside explodes.

What ever you do, I wish you the best. It is ALWAYS easier for someone on the outside to know what someone on the inside should do. Nat

Edited to say, I am NOT someone smarter - - just someone who has made a lot of bad mistakes along the way.

This message was edited Mar 17, 2004 12:59 PM

Nathalyn, you have apparently learned from your mistakes, that is excellent advice.
Pati

Nathalyn, /Thanks so much very good help I might say, I did want to say, I'm not mad at my husband for doing this hunting thing with his bosses wife. His boss felt comfortable and trusting enough towards my dh to ask him, which he probably wouldn't have asked anybody else. I guess I should feel lucky to have a hubby like him. LOL I know mymind is probably decided that i'm not going to be going with them to eureka springs. Just because I don't need to put myself in that situation. My Dh does trust me completely, but I'm sure he feels why putmyself in that situation, where once I quite my job because of this mans attitude towards women in general not just me. So, I'll not say anything to dh about me going with my friend. And Since I don't harbor bad feelings towards my DH over him going hunting with his bosses wife. I won't say anything about that. I more or less used it as an example sort of what's good for him can be good for me thing if you know what I mean. he did put him self in a situation where he might have had to say no. But I should n't think like that. I should decide what's best for me not based on anything else.

thanks again for the help, I've made the right decision, we can go and do other things together, just not this trip.

kathy

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? DO YOU HAVE A GOOD MARRAIGE? iF IT WAS ME I WOULD TELL MY HUSBAND I WANTED TO GO , AND IF HE WAS NOT HAPPY WITH IT TELL HIM TO COME WITH ME,ALTHOUGH WE HAVE SUCH A GOOD MARRIAGE WITH LOTS OF TRUST THAT THIS WOULD NEVER COME UP, i AM SORRY YOU ARE HAVING TO FRET SO OVER A SIMPLE WEEKEND AWAY. iT MAKES YOU NOT BE ABLE TO EVEN ENJOY YOURSELF IF YOU DO DECIDE TO GO. BUT i WOULD TELL HIM THAT IT WASN'T FAIR TO TELL ME I COULDN'T DO THINGS WHEN I DIDN'T TELL HIM HE COULDN'T DO THINGS. i AM COURIUOS, DO YOU LIKE TO HUNT? WHY DIDN'T YOU GO WITH HIM ON THESE TRIPS? i CAN SEE HIS POINT, BUT DOES HE REALLY FEEL LIKE THIS MAN WILL ATTACK YOU OR SOMETHING? dID THEY COME HOME WITH DEER WHEN THEY WENT HUNTING? i AM NOT KEEN ON LETTING MY HUSBAND AROUND A WOMAN WITHOUT ME THERE LIKE THIS THESE ARE BONDING SITUATIONS THAT CAN LEAD TO THINGS HAPPENING THAT MAYBE WERE NOT INTENTIONAL BUT THEY HAPPEN . THAT IS WHY WHEN MY HUSBAND WANTED TO CAR POOL WITH A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL FRIEND, AFTER WE WERE MARRIED I TOLD HIM IT WASN'T A GOOD IDEA AND EXPLAINED MY REASON YOU SPEND TIME WITH SOME ONE IN A CLOSE SITUATION AND BOND AND WAM BAM YOU A DOING A REGRETFUL THING THAT DOES NOT INTENTIONALLY MEAN TO HAPPEN ,AND YOUR MARRIAGE AND THE LOVE YOU HAD IS RUINED EVEN IF YOU ARE TRULY SORRY. iT CAN'T BE UNDONE good luck on this

Or try this..........extend the invitation to your DH.....ya just never know, might be the olive branch ya need.

"eyes"

Kathy_Ann, If the thing with your DH boss' wife bothers you, you should bring it up at a time when it is not volatile for both of you; a time when you two can sit down and talk about it.

As far as going, I believe that only you can make that judgment call. If itwere me and I felt strongly about going and I knew that my DH would be okay with it in the end, then I would do it. I definitely would offer him to go, sort of throws the ball back in his park.

I very much dislike the word submissive! Husbands and wives should be equally giving of one another to each other. Sorry.

Spring....I would love to read your posts but it is so hard when you put the entire thing in CAPS. Perhaps you could tone that down a bit sweetie. :)

Kathy :)

MY goodness, I had this on my watch list, and it never came up that I had replies to this, wonder why?

Springsong we've been married l6 years, and together for l8, he does trust me , but doesnt like it when I or both of us put ourselves in situations where we have to "watch ourselves" you know what I mean, I'd have to watch myself around her hubby, stay away from him, don't be too talkative that sort of thing, And my friend is very untrusting of her hsband, with good reason LOL I sure don't want to rock the boat, something just told me not to go, I didn't and I won't bring up gong with them again. Having my DH go, is way out of the question, since he doesn't like either one of them. I really at the time, didn't have a problem with my dh going hunting with his bosses wife, I trusted my husband, and I did trust the lady involved too, Not that my dh doesn't trust me, because he does, I told you how this man was. No he would never attach me. My dh, would have never went with this woman had I said I didn't want him to. And now to this day he wouldn't do something if I truly didn't want him to. Granted he says no to me more than I do him, LOL I say he's grown and can do what he wants, but no he doesn't feel the exact same way I do. Anyway, Things are aok here, and I am not even fretting about it any longer.

Mistymeadows, I know, the submissive thing was not the word I was looking for, because I'm not submissive to my husband, but rather like you, equally giving, but there's a but here LOL he does feel he's the boss. lol I give in enough to let him think that, he he

thanks for all the input guys, I have decided jst to forget about going, because not because My dh said no, because if push came to shove I could talk him into it, but I didn't really want to be around her dh.

I have learned to use reverse psychology on my DH, let him think he's boss, but know I am! LOL

glad to here it k take care