I Should Have Said "NO"!

Have you ever had a time when you regret saying "yes" to a volunteer project? Last year, I told myself I would NEVER lead the food committee for our Show Choir Invitaional again. Six weeks of planning, making menus, ordering food, lining up volunteers. Two long 18 hour days of feeding 3,000 people in 3 concession stands & the cafeteria. And cleanup....Whew!

And here I am again, tied up with preparations again---and I don't even have a child in Show Choir! Well, if you don't hear from me again until after March 14, don't be surprised!
When will I learn to say "No"?

I read somewhere that you need to practice saying "NO" in a mirror and then write out some reasons why so that you are prepared next time you get asked!! LOL :)

The hardest part is just saying "no" without feeling like you have to come up with a myriad of excuses for doing so. My friend recently wrote about this and she's so right...
Meet Sharon, from Texas: http://shaedaisy.blogspot.com/2004_02_15_shaedaisy_archive.html#107686814955413364

ACK! You have a right to say no and have your own time.It is hard to say it, but otherwise you will be tapped every year "because you have done such a great job in the past" which , while obviously true, is a kind of dump job-cause no one else wants to do it and you have been nice.
I used to be nice at work ( I loved to bake and would bring treats, along with 2 other staff people) and discovered that after awhile is was just expected that dear little
"us" would do the treats for every staff meeting !! It was really an "eye opener" for some members of the group when it was expected that everyone take a turn and then, when one person "forgot"-we sent them out to the nearest bakery!!

heheh...as I sit here I'm rehearsing my speech for the neighbor who is more'n likely assuming I'm gonna handle the project for upgrading our road. My answer is gonna definitely be a NO. (I've always been the nice guy who's handled the meetings, the various estimates, the work itself, the grading, the gravel, the financial billing, etc. It's a lot of ongoing legwork.)

This time I'll bow out.

The easiest way to say NO is to have a "positive" to offer. If someone wants to borrow your car then say, "No...but if you need a ride to the store I'm going up that way in a little while, you can ride along." If someone wants you to lead a food committee you can say ,"Nope, not this year, I'm taking a break from that. However, if whoever takes on that project I can give tips and advice if needed."

Wanda, since you're already in it, can you back out? Or, if not, can you request more help this year so it won't be such a one-person affair?

This message was edited Feb 23, 2004 7:18 PM

Wow, I'm in a similar situation except that I have said yes to a bunch of stuff and now find that it is impossible for me to keep up with it all. Physically I am simply incapable of it. When I returned to church, after my year of illness, everyone thought that since I had returned, I was able to do everything just like before I was sick.

NOT!

Now, I have way too many responsibilities and too much on my plate and I'm going to have to drop some stuff.

How do you back out gracefully in a church where there are only about 80 regular attenders and many of those are not musically inclined... so most of the music jobs are done by precious few?

Need input here, too, if you have wisdom for Wanda, do you have wisdom for me?

ACK! is right~

Janiejoy...I think you already have the answer..

"Now, I have way too many responsibilities and too much on my plate and I'm going to have to drop some stuff." (Your words from above.) You could also maybe add, " If I can think of someone who would be a good person for the job I'll surely let you know!"

By the way, one of our local churches advertised for a piano player cus no one in the congregation could play. Maybe something like that would work? Or maybe find a 'student of music' at school or college who could help out and it could be a plus for their studies?

Good idea Shoe. We have wonderful Malone College here nearby...

surely someone there would have a nice musical kid who would be the alto in our choir and the harmony in the worhsip team and teach the children their little songs and do special music once a month and organize the Care ministry and be the church clerk and substitute for the adult Sunday School class and put the pictures from the mission trip on CDs for the team and input the data for the new treasurer so she doesn't have to retype the whole congregations' addresses, names and information again, and organize the visitation groups that go out to the shut ins and organize the Mission Month in August...

LOL

not to be tongue in cheek but you get my drift. Takes a real doormat (did I say that) to do all those jobs at once. And that is not an exaggeration - these really ARE my jobs right now. And that doesn't include the special music and the other one-time jobs I am often asked to do.

Actually in church Sunday I received what I feel was a Word from the Lord that comforted me, it said that God has a way of getting me out of all these jobs gracefully without hurting anyone's feelings. Actually God is moving us out of this church because we are so far from it - we just did the mileage for tax purposes and it's 58.6 miles round trip. Not conducive to social activities and no one comes UP to visit, they all expect us to come DOWN to them. It's very one-sided... all the travel is expected of us. We are no spring chickens, and during my illness NO ONE came to visit... which was a wake up call for us - FIND A CLOSER CHURCH!

And you're right - some of these jobs DO need to be hired out to someone who can do them professionally or someone who is not emotionally attached to them.

Thanks, Shoe. Always good to get your ideas!!! : )

This message was edited Feb 24, 2004 2:27 AM

This message was edited Feb 24, 2004 2:29 AM

Hope it all works out for you. Sounds like quite a load.

Sorry if my brief answer made it sound so easy and trivial.
If so, it wasn't meant to.

I agree...you've really done a lot(!) and have been really putting yourself out there! Wishing for things to get better for you.

Another yes-man here. Seems like if some of us don't take the bull by the horns, nobody will & a lot of the things would fall by the wayside & never happen.
Entirely to many "slugs" in the world that like to sit back & let the other guy do it. If they would participate after it is planned, even that would help. Then the big clincher, the ones that won't help are the first to complain about the way it is done!
Keep up the good work volunteers, your reward will come in due time!
Bernie

I hate to tell you this, but the "disease" (I call it a GIFT) of sharing and caring is usually terminal and will probably go with you to your grave (although it will lessen over time). The nice thing about this "gift" is it has a wonderful reward - that very good feeling you have inside when your mission of sharing is accomplished. I hope this helps!

Shoe darlin' I didn't mean to make it sound like I was wonderful or like you were being anything but wonderful with your idea. And you are absolutely right!

I needed to tell everyone NO when I came back to church last April and they wanted me to jump back in and be everything to everybody.

The deacons had all the info for the care ministry (there are 8 deacons ) and they sat on it for the whole year I was gone.
NO ONE did anything!

So you see what Bernie says is true - folks sit on their duffs and some folks carry the bulk of the load. Thanks, Karrie for your own gift of encouragement.

I just wish I could keep up with it all like I want to and used to be able to do, ya know?

But - someone once said if you do it all you rob others of the blessing of being able to do that job. So there y'are.

THanks again Shoe please don't think I'm trying to be a brat here. I appreciated your input. I'm just overwhelmed - can you tell I need my upcoming vacation where I do nothing but give my order to the waiter who then brings me a drink with a little umbrella on it to my lounge chair at the pool?

Wanda:
I just want to give you some encouragement here and give you a big pat on the back for being willing to take on such a huge project in the first place and to have the ability to do such a thing!!!

I will be praying that you get it all done and that it all works out splendidly for you.

And that next year you will have just as much gumption to say "No, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to do that this year but I'll be available to answer any questions that come up."

God bless ya!

JanieJoy, why don't you start "delegating" more and get them off their lazy butts to do some of the work! Make up "chores" for each and everyone of them so that you're not doing all the work. Take charge kind of like a manager, since they have put you in that position and hopefully, after they have actually helped out, they will feel good about it and experience the gift of sharing themselves.

I think my posts were meant for Wanda!

Yikes I didn't mean to hijack the thread here, sorry Wanda and everyone!!!

I guess we all have these burdens at times.

I hope it all works out for you and that you have LOTS of volunteers to help you Wanda

Actually, my posts were for ANYONE that devotes too much of their time helping others. :)

JanieJoy...you are far from being a brat! And yes, you certainly could use a vacation, complete w/the little umbrella's! OR....

...Maybe a trip to a DG Roundup! There is one in Md coming up, another in Tenn, another in KY later in the year. You best be making some plans!

See ya there!

I think a roundup would be a great idea - would help my DH to understand why I spend so much time online talking to all you wonderful people. : )

Janiejoy thats what I'm hoping for too when I go to the mid-atlantic roundup in June. I'm soo excited!

I have to give you guys who volunteer so much of your time a hand((clapclapclap) but sometimes ya have to go back and say I'm sorry, I realized after checking my calendar that I have so much Ive already promised my time for that this would not be something that I could give the attention that it needs, I could help with setup/cleanup/small things but you are going to need to find someone else to manage this event this year. They should understand, especialy if you tell them NOW and not a month later.
I know too that its not easy but sometimes ya gotta do what ya gotta do. : D

wow the spell check is nice but doesn't help if ya cant spell in the first place.LOL

hey Yall, I have the no thing down pat now LOL I say no to everything he he, especially if it's something that's going to happen down the road a ways. I have never liked to make long term plans that happen 2 months from now, I never know what i'll be doing, and hate to say yes and have to change my mind later, So I've gotten into the habit of saying no all the time now. turned down a chance to speak at a local garden club, and turned down the oportunity to teach a soap making class somewhere about 3 hrs from where I live, my life is so much simpiler now that I can say no.

take it from someone who can say it, it feels great, and You don't have to feel bad because you said it.

kathy_ann