Have a Caregiver Question

Without going into detail, what kind of "situations" can be set up for a person who is quite capable of living alone, but cannot deal with a checkbook or pay their own bills.

Will the bank help with something like this for a fee? Does a lawyer need to get involved?

What I am most familiar with, is an adult child getting power of attorney over a parent. I imagine for anyone to do something like that, they would need power of attorney. I'd be careful who I turned that over too. Unfortunately, a number of people have trusted the wrong person. I wish I could tell you more.

I do have Power of Attorney and my name is on this person's checkbook. I am taking care of financial things right now. However, in three years or so, my husband and I are going to be moving an hour and a half away from where we now live due to his job. Running back and forth every week is not going to be practical, and this person does not wish to move with us.

I wish I could motivate this person into RELEARNING what needs to be relearned so they could take over their own finances, but they are content to let me take care of things for now. :-(

Oh Sherry, I am sorry. I kind of had a feeling that is what you wanted to know. With my hubby's mother being older and not well and several of my elders, they depend heavily on their children. Luckily their children are able to help, because with most of them, their minds have gotten a bit off. My MIL has had a brain tumor for around 14 years and was widowed the year after it was found. In your case, does she not want to do it or she just doesn't know how? I know often men take care of stuff like that and when they pass away, women just don't know how or don't want to. My great aunt was like that. She'd just call her son to do it. I don't know if the Council on Aging or AARP or someone could point you in the right direction? It is scary to count on someone else for money matters.

The County Social ServicesDepartments here have several older folks for whom they have Power of Attorney. I'm not sure I would do that, though in your circumstances.

Couldn't you have her/his bills sent directly to you, and keep the checkbook with you? You could monitor things better that way.

Assuming that you might consider helping from long distance, you might could arrange for his/her bills to be mailed to your home, arrange for all funds to be deposited electronicaly, and arrange for internet banking services. You could continue to pay bills via long distance. I don't know if this is an option and may create an undue hardship on you.

Is this person able to get out on their own? If yes, you might arrange for a bookkeeping service to pay bills and manage the checkbook. I would recommend that they provide you with a copy of her/his monthly bank statement so that you can monitor for mismanagement of funds. However, this would probably only work if this person is able to get to the bookkeeping service office on there own. It's not likely that they would make "housecalls".

I knew someone on here would have good suggestions. I am one of those people who has trouble seeing the forest for the trees sometimes. I just couldn't think of a viable option. :-)

I like the idea of having the bills forwarded to me. I also like the idea of online bill paying. I think as long as I kept her supplied with Walmart mad-money and grocery money, she wouldn't object to my having the checkbook. Another option is setting her up with another checkbook that I can transfer "mad-money" into and continue to pay the bills with the main checkbook just as I have for the last year.

She (my mom) is able to drive, is coherent, and gets around quite well. It's just that the two strokes that occurred have left her rather befuddled by numbers, addition and subtraction and the like. She has physical possession of her checkbook, and if she goes shopping, she can sign her name, she has the cashier print the check for her, and she simply saves the receipt so I can write the amount in and subtract if for her. She's not "absent minded" with money and I trust her, she just can't write the numbers very well or subtract them. The strokes left addition and subtraction an absolutely foreign concept to her.

But who knows what could happen in the two or three years that we have until we move? She could regain the ability to do those things (Although I think sometimes she drags her feet because she thinks if she doesn't relearn numbers, we won't move and that's just not the case.) I just wanted to have a plan or some ideas in case she never regains the ability to take care of her finances.

Thanks guys!

IndaShade, My mother is in 24/7 nursing care from a stroke. She was okay during the first few months, just NOT doing her part to get better. The health care profession pretty much agrees that little progress is made after 1 year.

Such is the case with my mother. She COULD have improved and didn't, and I believe it's all due to her own lack of follow-trhough on what all the VHP (Visiting Home Professionals) taught her in all her re-hab threapy.

I have all but one bill that my Mother gets taken automatically from her checking account and I write a check for the other bill. If I was in your shoes I might consider buying gift certificates for her at the grocery store and her other favorite stores and giving her some cash too. That would free you up and also give her a sense of her own life being in order without the possibility of overdrawing a checking account.

I was just thinking the same thing before I read your post, Lani. The gift card/certificates, or even a pre-paid VISA or Mastercard as are now available, would be great because they'd be pre-paid and she wouldn't need to worry about overdrafts.

I am still taking care of Lucille. I have power of attorney and pay all her bills. I just moved her for the second time to a better apartment. She has one son who helps me some like taking her to the doctor in Baltimore.(I am not too good at driving in the city of Baltimore) I have some good doctors here in the county that I take her to. (her other children just ignore her for the most part)
We talked to her attorney who is handeling her accident and we are not expected to have a trial date until late November. She has one account with Freedom Bank (Her anuity check and she writes checks out of this account but I still have to keep tabs on her. like you said she gets confused with subtraction, etc. Good luck with your Mom

Mom came over this afternoon to have me subtract the checks that she wrote out of her checkbook, and I said "The next time this needs done, how about taking a piece of paper and your calculator and trying this on your own?" I told her NOT to write the numbers in her checkbook in case they were wrong, but to let me see the figures that she had when she was done.

She seemed suprised that I asked, but agreed to try. I told her this would be a good place to start with getting her finances back under her control. I think she has become comfortable with our "routine" and just doesn't think about trying anything new. She wasn't too happy about having to come over to my house with it being so cold outside, so I made the point that if she could do this on her own, she wouldn't HAVE to go outside!

I also think I am going to get one of those addition/subtraction schoolwork books that you can get at Walmart. This was one thing they didn't work on with her in therapy, which surprises me.

Thank you for all the good advise.

This message was edited Jan 16, 2004 4:12 PM

My Dad has had 6 strokes since June. The first was minor, the second major, and after that, the rehab hospital was absolutely marvelous with therapy. Numbers are what really mess with him as well. We learned that a stroke several years ago that we didn't even know about left him with a numbers issue that caused confusion and stress.

My solution to some of this, was two bank accounts that had online banking and a debit card. I put running money into the account with the debit card, and pay the bills out of the other account. I can access mortgage, utilities, medical, taxes, and almost everything else through the internet. I use the USPost Office website to pay the bills.
The bank I use provides a website that shows me all activity on her accounts 24/7. Really easier than it sounds, because several of the accounts like the mortgage and utilities I set up on automatic pay so even I don't have to pay them.

Good luck
Terre

How old is your mother?