New Members vs. Old Members

We've had lots of new members lately and I'm really glad to see that DG is growing but it seems that some old members have some pet peeves that are unnecessarily expressed and in a rather rude way.
If you're new, don't be afraid to ask for something, even if you don't have anything to trade. There are 'many' of us who will be more than willing to send you something to get your garden started for postage and some of us will even send you something without. We have all started somewhere and we're all in different stages. Some of us have come here being established gardeners, even master gardeners, and some of us have come here never dreaming of being able to grow anything. If you get a rather rude remark, just shake it off. Someone may just have a bad day or maybe they just feel that something can't be shared for one reason or another. Don't dispair if you're a newbie, there are 'plenty' of us who want to share the wealth with someone else.

I started out with nothing but 3000 castor bean seeds and nothing else to share. I took those 3000 and now have all kinds of seeds. Flowers and plants, that I could only have dreamed about having. Many have been very generous and kind. And if you get offered something in a trade and you really don't need it, maybe you can use that to trade for something else you'd like.

So just remember, there are 'nice' people here, lots of them.

For you oldies, let's give the newbies a break, huh? Let's welcome them with open arms and if you don't want to share, that's alright, but don't tell them that they have no right to ask. Some of us may not offer but if asked would be more than willing to give ;)

I'm not sure what prompted this thread, but it was well stated. Bad attitudes are expected elsewhere, but NOT at Dave's Garden. I do pray no one has had his/her feelings hurt.

I'm afraid there has been some hurt feelings. Worst of all it happened to a new member.
If any thing, I would want to be helpful to a new member.
Hurting someones feelings is childs play, we are all grown adults here and we should all be respectful towards one another.
To any and all new and old DG members, I know I might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer but I will try to help where I can in anyway I can.
I was once a "new" member here too, and I was greeted with open arms and kind words to help me feel at home.
Why should the next new memeber be treated any different??
They shouldn't!

I agree, when I first found DG, it seemed like some of you have known each other forever. I was really shy at first and there have been times when I've felt like I was butting in on a private party, but everyone has been so nice to me, I love you all!

and we love you, you nut.........LOL Now send me your addy again so I can get this violet in the mail. I have more that have some pups I think too.

I'm so glad you feel that way Carena. I think every new member should have the chance to feel like they are part of the family here too. Not be treated as a outcast because they don't have plants to swap or seeds to share right away.

It's sad when the world is full of self-absorbed people and people who are determined that no one else will ever get to them. It's dangerous when we cease to be able to reach out to another person who is trying to climb a ladder we once climbed, because we want to be sure the climb is at least as difficult for them as it was for us. It's pathetic when a person is no longer able to heal from the inevitable slights everyone feels in one way or another in a lifetime. It's scary when we look out into the world with all of its abundance and can't see our way clear to take a chance on a stranger.

It's heartwarming and sweet and wonderful and encouraging and just plain worthy of happy tears when people come together to comfort a stranger who has been hurt. My good friends here just did that, and I am so proud of every one of you.

I can't imagine what amount of abuse Norma has suffered to end up with such a negative outlook as was displayed in the thread which inspired this one, but I want to be the first to apologize to her for whatever was done to her. No, I don't know her. The only time I ever tried to enter into a discussion with her, she totally blew me off. But I know enough about people to know she must be suffering if she is as bitter as she sounded. I hope she will find a more loving environment and recover from her wounds. It would be a shame for someone with her knowledge and abilities to be unable to share with those of us less gifted.

Flowox, thank you for having the courage to speak up.

You know, sometimes the best way to heal is to just quit digging in the cut. I can appreciate the sentiments expressed here, but you can soothe hurt without making new wounds. By posting this thread and addressing an unfortunate moment on another thread, then bringing up one's own grievences, the hurt just keeps on coming. We've got a good webmaster, and I'd suggest we let him deal with these issues.

I think for the most part that what flow ox and some of the others is true. Most people here are wonderful and kind people. I think what they are saying is to remind davesgarden members that if you can't say something nice....don't say anything and ruin the tone here. Just a heads up.

you know weezin, I don't get it. This thread was started to encourage new members, so why do you have to say what you just said?

And to let you know, our webmaster was not too happy about what happened either but I won't speak for him. Maybe we'll all hear from him himself. Dave? Some encouraging words for our newbies and oldies?

flowox, I agree it is important to help make new members feel welcome! We were all there once, and with luck had someone who did that for us. Your post was necessary to balance out some of the more unfortunate comments, especially valuable as coming from another member. John

Flowox: I'm sorry that you don't get it. That means I'm not expressing myself very well, and that can cause hard feelings. I sure don't want to do that, especially if your thread is designed to encourage new members. Your initial remarks were very true, but it opened the door for more comments specifically about a thread that was gone as soon as our webmaster read it. References were made to unnamed subscribers and their behavior, promoting further curiosity.

I really think this issue could have used some space, but that's my opinion. I don't think we are giving new members credit for recognizing a case of the grumps and leaving a bit of space themselves. For every bad encounter, they'll have so many good ones. Maybe emailing new members with advice or information is a good way to help things heal over. I think we should have left this in Dave's hands and have been done with it.

I'm sorry but I never referenced any people in this and posted this just as a friendly reminder to us oldies here and as a welcoming to our newbies so they don't get discouraged easy. Everyone else is pulling needless things into this thread that don't need to be said here :(

If there are any negative remarks here, they must be mine. My response wasn't meant to be negative, but I can see how someone reading this and not reading the companion thread might have wondered about the root of this thread. I apologize if I have not posted this in a manner which pleased everyone. If I had posted after the other thread was removed, I would have been likely to word this differently. I am considering editing my first response in this thread, but am not sure it really needs it.

This isn't the first time in recent history that one thread seemed to be connected to a more negative one, and my input was subsequently re-played to me in a distorted manner, with a member assuring me I had been responsible for causing a thread to be removed. That thread wasn't removed, is still here, but someone didn't bother to check it out, or apologize when I pointed out that it is here. As a result, a totally distorted impression lingers. I would like to say this: it is not my nature to attack, and it is very much my nature to try to soothe hurt feelings. As a human being who is susceptible to the human condition, I identify with anyone having a bad day. I remember many psych classes and labs in which it was stressed that the only way to heal such a problem is to address it and purge it. Hiding it and pretending it doesn't exist never works.

My name is Aimée, and I am a sensitive humanoid. I am also an adult, capable of growing and healing after proper care. I am able to forgive, to make mistakes, to have bad days and to learn new things if they are presented clearly and I'm not having a bad day.

Weez, I did not attack your thread, nor was it removed. If you would like to discuss it, I will be happy to call you.

What is wrong with the world today? Doesn't it seem that evertime there is a good site to go to.........suddenly people who have been there for awhile think they own the place.

People!!!! Wake up, we're all paying to be here. We are not any more special than the people who decide to sign up today and become a paid subscriber. If you don't like that some of us, be it new or old, have questions to ask or are asking for plants or seeds, or prayers, or a helping hand for someone, then I guess you're in the wrong place. In my honest opinion. This is a christian site, right? Does that not mean that you should share your love? That you should share your wisdom when asked? To spread the love? I never thought it meant to criticize, to judge people, and to be hateful toward one another. "WE" 'choose' to be here and we 'like' this place that we call home away from home. We are thankful for the things that Dave has done to get us here and we are thankful to all the wonderful people who make this what it is. Do we go to church and criticize our pastor for what he has said in a sermon? Or do you tell him to go collect cans or lumber out of a trash pile to fix the roof on the church? Come on!!!! Wake up!!! We are supposed to share love, laughter, and happiness..........along with plants, flowers, seeds, and whatever other goodness we can give.

Well said, Susan! I couldn't agree more. Lately, for reasons I don't know, there does seem to be a bit of churlishness in the air. For a time, it was so bad that it split a forum. With a very few notable exceptions, this membership is made up of amateurs and hobbyists. I am in the larger group, and happy to be here. But despite the fact that I have been here long enough to be an oldie, I feel really rejected when someone pounds on me for my lack of expertise in any area. Even worse, sometimes the experts seem to exclude anyone with less impressive credentials. This is contrary to all that DG is famous for. People find this site because they are looking for information, sources, sharing of methodology. You can almost predict who will come forward with the best answers to a posted query.

I do hope the experts don't stop helping newbies. I have children and grandchildren who might someday decide to have a look at this site about which they heard so much, and I hope they will be welcomed and assisted and led to the enjoyment I know when I garden or talk about gardening. They will have some opinions, some experience, some memories of what their granny did with her plants. Treat them gently, they come as friends.

I must not be hanging out in the same forums, because I haven't seen any of the bad behavior talked about in this thread, or some others. I gather that certain specialty areas are a bit territorial, and I'm glad I'm not yet interested in those areas.

I'm still a newbie here, but I've been on the net for a good many years. While in real life I tend to say things without thinking at all, on the net it's best to think it thru to it's worst possible conclusion before posting. Because on the web no one gets to look you in the eye when you say what you say. And no one has to look you in the eye when they say what they say. It's too easy to be misunderstood, too easy to misunderstand, and oh so easy to be obnoxious in this type of text only environment.

We all have bad days, we all have pet peeves, we all have quirks. These are our own problems, not everyone else's. That's another thing that's easy in text based environment, keeping your bad attitude to yourself. Because you can verbally rant at the person's message and they never hear you. You can type out a hateful response and never send it. You can turn your back on the whole thing and no one will even notice. And two days later when you can't even remember that you were upset, no one else will either.

So, I understand what flowox was trying to do when she started this thread, and I get what Aimee is saying, too. And I actually agree with both. I also agree with Weezingreens - some cans of worms are best left unopened, or at least better with a little age on them. Fresh wounds need time undisturbed to begin healing.

And thinking this post thru to it's worst possible conclusion, I should prolly delete it. But just this once I won't.

Cheri'

By Gods grace may we all just forgive each other and go on being friends and fellow gardeners.
The thread that was originally alluded to in this thread,
{ unless there is another one I know nothing about } was started by me and has been deleted at my request.
Though I felt attacked by a fellow member, I reacted in anger also. Sin is still sin no matter how we want to rationlize it and make excuses.
May the critizicing and condemming end here.

Well said, Cheri. You are more eliquent than I! That is what I was trying to say.

Flowox, I didn't find your post to be negative... just perhaps untimely. Feelings were running too high. We just have different approaches to a problem...not bad, just different.

Aimee, I got totally confused reading your post. I've missed something somehow. The thread that was deleted was not mine. I only posted in it twice in hopes of smoothing some feathers on both sides of the fence. However, I surely agree with you that we all have our bad days. The difference may be that I allow for it while you wish to eradicate it. Again, this is a different approach to a problem...not bad, just different.

I have no secretive agenda here and I can't imagine that anyone else does. The Christ-like tone of this website is what keeps it so family oriented. It is what cements us. However, we are not all Christians, nor do I think it is required to be. Out of respect for all members, let's just work on being good to one another and let God & our webmaster do the rest.

Well, I'm a newby here, and I must say, that everyone. I have had contact with, has been extremly helpful and incouraging. I am so glad to have found this site and to have so many new friends. I am learning new things everytime I tune in which only incourages me to come back again. I don't know what happened and I may be butting in on this thread but I say tie a knot in this thread and lets get back to the business of sharing, caring and new friendships.
Jan

Well said, Jan. There are seeds to be gathered, weeds to be pulled, and today I am digging out an old flower bed. It's nice to take a break with a glass of icewater and check my watched threads. I'll bet there are others just like me! Of course some of you are many hours different in time, so maybe you're sitting down to a nice supper and the evening news, or you're climbing into bed. We're all different, but we're all pretty much the same...good gardening folks! The only dirt I'm going to be digging is in the garden!

YEP

E Pluribus Unum. Let's pull together, team.

;)

AKUNAMATADA-lets put the pass behind us!!!
I luvz ya'll! :)

:) Me loves happy endin's

:>) :>) ô¿ô :>)

Luv ya'll!

Yeahhhh!!! One big happy family again!!

Hugs to all

I dont think it's a Christian site. If it is I dont belong here!

I've been kicking around this forum for about a month now and I, too, have not had any negative experiences. I am a member of a couple of other gardening forums (hope that doesn't get me into trouble here! :) ) and I've found that, all-in-all, gardeners are some of the nicest people going.

Even on a bad day, a gardening forum has nothing on one of those political discussion forums--they're brutal!

You folks are great! Don't fret about a single incident of someone behaving like an arse, especially since it was dealt with swiftly. That just shows that the system works.

Rhonda

Mark, read the Mission Statement:

To nurture and support, in a Christ-like attitude, an online community of gardeners and farmers with open and safe discussion forums, friendly and intuitive web-based applications, and accurate and useful information.

I think the word 'Christian' is being used here as an adjective, describing behavior - not as the name of a specific religious belief.

I think no matter what religion subscribe to, 'Christian' and 'Christ-like' behavior is appropriate.

Cheri'

This is a common confusion, and those who like to rail against Christians oftentimes (I think purposely) misunderstand our mission statement.

That the management of the site are Christian folk, does not mean that it is a "Christian site" or that Pagans and other non-Christians are not welcome here.

Dave

I'm sorry if people misunderstood what I meant by Christian. I'm not a Christian and I certainly feel welcome here by most anyway.......lol ;)

I'm sure I've ruffled a few feathers before but don't we all and don't we all get ours ruffled sometimes? Just smile ;)

Wow, well I feel very impressed by the honesty here. I myself am not a Christian either, but am usually very reluctant to give out that info because people tend to translate 'non-Christian' into 'devil worshiper'. Well, now I feel even MORE welcome. :)

Thankyou, I haven't had a bad experience yet and have been so VERY GREATFUL for all the kindness, direction and sharing that so many of you have been willing to give of yourselves. So Truly, THANKYOU VERY MUCH!. A Newbie, Denise

Dave, I am so grateful to you and Sundry for addressing this common misuse of the word "Christian". And it helps to re-read the mission statement often. At the top of one forum, at least, I think it states to remember to be nice to others, but after a time we tend to stop seeing that. It's an unfortunate human trait.

Well, I'm a Christian, but I strongly suspect that some of my plants are not.
They don't seem to mind.
=)

Cheri'

LOL :) I assure you they don't mind at all. All they need is love. Same as all of us.