Another loss

I got some very bad news yesterday. My mother's best friend died in California on Monday. They taught and worked together for 30 years. Even after they retired and Bunny moved away to be with her daughter, they wrote or spoke by phone often.

Bunny was such a wonderful person. The old saying that "if it weren't for bad luck, she wouldn't have any luck at all" was certainly true for this lady. Yet despite all the problems, all the misery that life continually handed out, she remained one of the best, most generous, thoughtful, helping people it has ever been my privilege to know.

It is gut-wrenching to think that I will have to break this news to Mom when she returns from her vacation next week.

I need to share about this lady, and the others who formed a group called the "Belles". It is a very fitting name; all the people in this group were associated with the Alexander Graham Bell School for the Deaf in Columbus, Ohio. It was a pioneer school, built by visionaries in the mid 60's who knew that special education was going to be more and more important in the coming years. The old approach was to dump handicapped children into institutions where they lived until they died. The more fortunate families were able to keep their children at home, but there were so few ways to teach them to cope with life. AG Bell changed that, not only in Columbus, but in the whole state, and in others, too.

The Belles demonstrated that by starting children when they were 18 months old, getting the entire family involved in the child's life, that hearing impaired children were more than capable of learning; that they were, indeed, people! And people who deserved to be able to have a life. Maybe it would be different from hearing people, maybe not, but the important thing is that hearing impaired people are now able to choose.

When the success of this program became known, other states had teachers from this school implement programs similar in their own states. I don't know all the other places it was started, but I know for sure it happened in PA, in IL, and in KY.

I am very, very proud that my mother is a Belle. And more than a Belle. She became the Administrator of the whole Hearing Impaired Program. When children left AG Bell (it is only preschool and kindergarten), my mom was the one who taught the teachers in the other schools how to teach hearing-impaired children. She was a "teacher to the teachers".

The Belles are dwindling in number. There were 15; now they are down to 8. The pioneers stood tall, and the new generations of teachers are leaping from their efforts, continuing to help people with handicaps grow and live.

You are a lucky person to have such a historical and wonderful person in your life. I'm very sorry for your loss, I hope that the fact she's in God's arms and her "bad luck" is over is of some comfort to you and your mom.

That's wonderful news about deaf school etc... and so sorry about your mother's best friend passed away.

Now that is history in the making, Lupy. Glad you shared that!
I really think your mother will accept it more easily than what you might think. Don't fret too much.
As for the Belles, those new teachers who are leaping...they are "Bellettes" eh? And they will keep the momentum going.

Lupine, I am also glad you shared this history. Hugs to you and your mother, you can be comforted by the knowledge that the Belles all made a difference in millions of lives and families, for years to come. Thank God for Belles.

Great story. Hope your Mom doesn't take it too hard. Bet she is proud to have been part of such a momentous undertaking. Sounds like she and Bunny knew the meaning of "measure your life by friends not years".

wonderful story-has me crying!!!

Wonderfull story you hve shared withus. I hope your poor mama doesnt take her friend's death too hard. Your mother and the belles are indeed very special people.

Some person has passed away,
but he/she is still be remembered.
He/she is worthy!

Thank you so much for sharing this inspirational story. It is sad that the Belles are dwindling in numbers, but you're right -- today's workers stand on their shoulders.

As I knew, my mom took the news hard. But now comes the harder part. I hope some of you who have had experience will give me some help.

How do I handle it when she forgets and asks whether there has been mail from Bunny lately? She has only asked once so far, but I really don't know how it should be handled. Change the subject? Tell her, and let her go through the grief anew each time? Lie? No, on second thought, I don't lie. Maybe just say "no, not today" and go on? When she asked, that is what I did; a few hours later she had completely forgotten that lapse, so I am really unsure what is best.

I think you handled it in a good way.

I think so, too. A very dear friend's parents kept asking after family and friends that had recently passed away. She would respond, "No, no call today but I know that they are watching over you". What a heartwrenching situation for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

Susan

I agree, you handled it in the best way. I like what Rudbeckia's friend used to say (above), too.

What a wonderful story Kathy and I extend my sympathy to you and your dear mother. Now I have a question. I don't mean to divert this thread but what is the other school in Cincinnati for the deaf? I keep thinking it's St. Rita's. It's just west of 75 in north Cincy and you can see it from 75. Our priest at St. Brigid in Xenia taught there for many years and when some of his former students would attend mass, he would say and sign the entire mass. It was so cool. One of my dd's and I also took an ASL class when we lived in OH. I wish I were better at it. Thanks again for your story and I agree with what you said as far as your mom, that she just didn't get mail for that day....Hugs...

My sympathy to you and your mom it's very hard to loose a friend. I agree with the advice to take it one day at a time, after all, it's all any of us have.

I think the answer you gave is just right. She probably has very little concept of time, and the lapses aren't nearly as traumatic as it would be if she were more aware. It's not lying if you just go along with her present train of thought when she asks and follow her lead. Someone I know told me about his father after his mother died. He had Alzheimer's but had lucid moments often. When they would sit down at the table, he would ask if "Mother" was coming. His son would say to him "Mother isn't here, Dad. Mother died." The old fellow would look a little sad and say "I didn't know that!" But it wasn't painful to him, just puzzling or confusing. The scene was played repeatedly, and each time the dialogue was about the same. Any answer was really okay for him. He was just doing what he had done for over fifty years.