Need to vent!

Have you ever been so upset that you can't even talk? This has been one of the worst days of my life and I just can't stand it. I decided to write on this thread because maybe someone will respond and give me some good advice, if not that, maybe just say something that will get me over this rage I'm feeling, I hate being this way. One month ago my Mom went into the hospital with shingles, the doc said the worst case he had ever seen, she was in such pain!The first night there, she fell out of bed and broke her hip.The next day she had surgery and was doing fine, transfered to the therapy unit and this past Saturday a CNA dropped her, full force on her knees. Needless to say, this set her back a while for her therapy but E-rays showed no further damage to her hip, thank God! Today when I went to the hospital she told me she fell out of bed AGAIN last night. The hospital didn't even call me! I'm now waiting to get the ex-ray results.If she was injured I don't know what I'll do. She won't be able to continue therapy for quite a while, even if she wasn't hurt again, because she is so sore.I don't think she'll be able to come home for quite a while now. I can't remember the last time I was this angry.---- Well -- I've vented, maybe I'll feel better by doing so. This has been such a scarry experience for my Mom( and the family that loves her) I have to do something, I just don't know what yet.
Jacquie

Jacquie!!! (((((((HUGS)))))) Haven't been able to catch you to chat with...watch for me!! Love, Hugs, and Prayers...Jo

I can understand your pain and anger at the hospital and its employees. A similar thing happened to my Mother when she went in for an outpatient shoulder surgery (1998)in which she was to stay for one night. She rang for the nurse to help her to the toilet during the night and after about 40 minutes of waiting for the nurse to not respond to the call she got up to go to the bathroom by herself. She had her walker with her but they had stored it in the closet and she couldn't reach it so on her way to the bathroom she fell and struck her head and ended up with 5 clamps to hold the wound together! She ended up staying in the hospital for two weeks from the concussion of it. We worked and got hospital policy changed to make it easier and faster for the patient to call the nurses. We threatened to sue if they did not institute changes. This summer she went to the same hospital for a knee replacement surgery and it was a good experience for her so we are glad that we persued this to the end. I am so very glad that your Mother did not have problems from being dropped on her knees, and I will pray that she recovers quickly from this additional setback very quickly. Hugs to you.

Hi Jacquie,

Sounds like a horribly frustrating day...and scary as well. I hope and pray that tomorrow will bring peace and calm.

Just wanted to share with you that one of my customers had a bad case of shingles, and after trying almost everything, finally found relief with acupuncture.

With all good thoughts for you and your Mom,

John

I'd be talking to a lawyer if I were you. I don't mean to be hateful or anything, but if all of this has happened in the same facility, there should be some consequences for them. Your mom is suffering consequences...so should they. I know that sounds harsh...but they need to understand that they just can't be so irresponsible.

Jacquie, how well I understand your anger, frustration and rage. So often -- as a patient, family member and hospital employee (working for many years in medical records, cancer treatment and radiology departments) -- I have seen horrible abuses and incompetence occur in hospitals. Medicine is now big business, hospitals are overwhelmingly owned and/or operated by large corporations, and the insurance companies are running the show; the name of the game is profit, in one way or another. No one wants to foot the bill for incompetence and negligence, so the buck keeps getting passed. Physicians' malpractice insurance premiums are sky-high, which encourages an adversarial relationship between doctor and patient. The only way around this, on a large scale and in the long term, is complete and utter reform of the system.

That said -- your personal situation sounds horrendous and I encourage you to speak directly, immediately and firmly, with the hospital administrator. Ask to have the Director of Nursing present at the meeting. If you are married and your spouse is supportive, speak to the administrator together. Document everything: have names and dates and times at your fingertips when you have this discussion. Be persistent. Put the administrator on notice that you expect your mother's care to change for the better, immediately.

If, in fact, it turns out that your mother was injured in the latest fall (and even if she wasn't, provided you can document the previous hospital-caused setbacks), I would not hesitate to seek legal advice. You and your family are being billed large amounts of money for a prolonged hospitalization which is the result of actions occurring inside the hospital, itself, through no fault of your mother's or your own.

If you do not get the right results from this meeting, and if your mother's care does not improve, I would urge you to look into moving her to another hospital.

I will pray for this situation to be resolved peacefully, swiftly and smoothly, and for your mother to begin receiving excellent care immediately, so that she can return home and heal. God bless you.

Oh, it is so difficult to watch such things happen, I think the most irritating thing is that we don't seem to be able to make much of a difference.

I know what it feels like, went through it with my grandmother, who went in for a hip replacement and died of a fall that ended up stopping her heart! And my mom who despite having a DNR was rescusitated while waiting to die of metastasized breast/lung cancer.

Although I believe in tort reform as one of the biggest steps we can take in reducing the adversarial nature of the doctor/patient relationship (my husband is a doc!)... I think that hospitals that have had to cut staff and reduce costs and get by on skeleton crews and all the injustice that is related to all of this... that needs to be addressed!

Whiterose gives great advice and I encourage you to follow it to the letter. Documentation is VERY important.

I would also get her doctor(s) involved! They can put some pressure on the staff to be more careful and attentive, and get them to straighten up and fly right if necessary.

Moving her might still be a good idea.. since human nature is not to be kinder to those who are reporting that their care is insufficient or negligent... me, I'd get her out of there first and THEN call an attorney.

If possible.

God bless you, may He make his presence known to you in a special way and I am also asking that God protect your mom, too!

Love to you, and peace,
Janie

Thank all of you for the good thoughts and advice. I asked for all the accident reports today, and hopefully they will have them for me tomorrow. I just hope they haven't been altered, I don't trust them very much. The most terrible thing about this is the suffering my Mom is going through, bless her heart.
John, I have a daughter that lives "down the shore" in Brick.

Thank all of you for your prayers. We and Mom need them
Jacquie

Jacquie, that's terrible.
Everyone (above) has offered such sound advice,
there's nothing that I can add other than
I'll be sending "good vibes" your mother's way.
Your mom's lucky to have such a caring daughter.
Melissa

Jacquie, what an ordeal you and your family have been through. The advice you have received from the above posts are excellent, I hope you will go thru some of those processes. Good luck to you and your mom, she shouldnt have to go thru this. Hope it all works out, and let us know what happens.

I can understand how you feel and if it were my mom I figure heads would roll. I can't understand why when you need help all the nurses are busy but when you go to the station several are sitting around and just chatting.

Jacquie, Echoing what was said, and sending good energy out to your mom , that she heals quickly. they need to be held acccountable-it would be great if management was back in the hands of the medical staff, instead of the accountants.

Oh how terrible. I echo the suggestion of contacting the doctor. Something similar happened to a friend's mother. She visited with her mother's doctor and he was furious - her mother's care definitely changed.

As a frequent patient in the past two years, I am furious right along with you. I know the staff is often pushed to the limit, but the only way to get the attention of those responsible for this situation is to make a loud and sustained noise. The squeaky wheel truly gets the oil. Is there anyone who can stay with your mom in the hospital? We have found that to be a necessity, with my care, my daughter's and son's and my DIL's SIL. Those little lights in the hall do no good if no one responds, and I always have trouble getting the response when I am alone. I have started taking along a little "school bell", and if my light doesn't get an answer in a short time, forget patient patience. I begin ringing my little bell gently and briefly. If I'm ignored, I ring it a few quick, vigorous jabs. If I am still ignored, I shake the bejabbers out of it, which will bring someone running, if for no other reason than that they don't want to start a trend. Actually, I have to ring it only a couple of times to train each shift. They know I am not a complainer, and they also know I am not going to meekly submit to negligence. Oh, and I smile as if I am receiving my very favorite person in the world when they come in. I might say, "Oh, thank you, I was afraid I would have to do this myself" if it's a technical thing. Or, "Whew! Thought for a bit I would wet the bed!"

Definitely, I would document everything, and I would make a duplicate file to keep "clean" for myself. Take a file with you to any meeting, and a sheet listing the contents and date along with space for those who attend to initial that they have had access to the contents. If they want copies, have them check a column, and do get copies for them, at their expense. (Nothing gets the attention of an attorney faster than someone with documentation and a plan.) If someone fails to initial, make a note for yourself with details of the omission. Afterward, compare files, and note any changes on a separate sheet for your clean file, so if an item is accidentally lost out, you know immediately. Never forget, the hospital administrator has a magic wand which is even more powerful than the one your doctor can wave. Your doctor is aware of this. Approach them as an ally, someone who trusts them to do the right thing, and as someone in need of help who has tried other avenues without success. And you are entitled to full access to your medical records, so don't let them deny it. (Whiterose, we seem to share a bit of common ground here, medical records. I was there when the courts were being forced to rule on this dispute, as a mother of a patient and a med rec tech.)

Don't let them wear you down. Refuse to be shuffled about aimlessly, as you have a right to expect them to do their job. Remain calm, and if one step bogs down, back up and look for a different route. Review the entire history of this case before you begin, and know exactly what you want them to do. Then hold firm. It might take a while, but it can be done.

I wish you the very best, on behalf of every patient in every medical situation in the world. The time has come to address this problem and solve it once and for all.

Bravo, Aimee. I am in complete accord and applaud everything you said above. In response to one of Jacquie's comments: the incident reports filed by hospital staff will no doubt be "spun" in such a way as to put the offenders in the best possible light, but the reports can't be materially altered (at least in Colorado; verify that this is also the case in California); if changes need to be made, they must come in the form of addenda or attachments to the original documents.

This message was edited Tuesday, Dec 10th 2:45 PM

(((sguimo))) I went through something very similar with my mom this summer. Due to the hospital's gross negligence my mother suffered greatly during her hospital stay. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. Take dated photos if possible. Get a tape recorder (not digital -- those are not legal proof) and get a voice recording of all hospital staff members who attend to your mother. You and your mother are in my prayers. Many many hugs. Kathy

Jacquie doesn't the hopital beds have the bars on the sides that can be rasied to keep your mother safe while she sleeps? I know this is a hard time for you as well as your dear mother and my heart goes out to her and family. I would take my mother out of that hospital and talk to a lawyer about what can be done to these people. I know that a lot of people might not agree with me but when you trust others to take care of your loved ones and are paying thoes out rages prices you expect them to do their jobs. Your dear mother must be going through h--- and she deserves better than that. I will be praying for your mother and family.

I trust the lawyers to make a big fee after they drag you and your family through every imaginable sneaky tactic to justify it. Lawyers, as a rule, are not trained to help you, they are trained to create a paper storm and charge you for it, beginning with a retainer. But there are agencies whose function it is to be your spokesman, and there are numerous methods for remedy in a well documented case, without hiring a lawyer. Once you place it in the hands of a lawyer, you lose a tremendous amount of control, and don't ever think for a minute that they aren't sharing your information and bargaining with the other side. Essentially, you will be battling a very large insurance company, which covers such things for the hospital. They use our money to hire the best lawyers with the most questionable tactics and scruples, and then they fight us while we finance it. I would try everything to avoid the legal battle. You will have buried your mother and most of her relatives before you are finally offered a pittance to settle, and pressure will be put on you to settle for it. You will be lied to, manipulated and insulted in many ways, but you will not solve one of your mother's problems, nor will it do any good as far as changing the playing for the next unfortunate soul. We have been brainwashed to go for a lawyer every time we need to stand up for our rights. We need to think long and hard before we make that call, and make every step count in the meantime. If you appear to be confident, competent, aggressive and intelligent, you will be able to do this in a way which will have far reaching benefits for many people.

Have to agree that lawsuit would be the last resort and would definitely not help your mom in any way shape or form.
Even during a very simple and cut and dry worker's comp suit I was submitted to being called a liar, being called other insulting names and being lied about to my face... when I called him on the lie my own lawyer kicked me under the table.

It just isn't worth it. They really can hire the best, slimeyest lawyers out there. Ugh. Our system really stinks.

The best advice I know is for someone to be with your mom 24/7. I even slept in my mother's room, and lo and behold! they had rollaway beds for the family to use! fancy that!

Gather all your relatives, and take shifts, and do keep that tape recorder on hand for any and all interactions between your mom and the staff -- although having a family member there all the time virtually eliminates the negligence problem.

God bless you in this difficult time.