For all the Grannies.

A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is that one day she wasn't there, and the next day, she was.

She is a clever old lady, and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, completely obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is very rude. I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

If she insists on hanging around, the least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later it's all gone. I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me.

You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream. She needs it.

And money isn't the only thing I think she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. I can't seem to keep that stuff in the house anymore.

She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scale to make me think I am putting on weight, too.

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit.

And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized. She also fiddles with my VCR so it does not record what I have carefully and correctly programmed.

She has found other imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do, and blurs the print so I can't read it. And she has done something really sinister to the volume control on my TV, radio and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things-like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum cleaner heavier and all my knobs and faucets harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge.

Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars. Is this any way to repay my hospitality?

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me! No one is going to believe that the picture of that old lady is me.

Author unknown

That sounds like the overweight woman who moved into my house!

LOLOL GL and gw. She's been to visit me as well. Trouble is i think she's considering moving in :(

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Oh my....I think you have finally come out of the closet GL!! Do you think she's related to the weird woman that follows me around constantly and dogs my every move?

I fear she is here also! Even pulling weeds, she holds me down so its an effort to straighten up and in the house, the same thing!

She's here also, but most of the time she just wants to sit and eat every bite I cook. I tell her she should be up doing something and she says "it's too hot".

That old lady musta cloned herself a hundred times a hundred, cause she certainly can't move that fast across country!!!!!

"eyes"

SHE'S HERE! She takes over my computer and stays on DG all day. I can never get anything done for peeking to see what she has found. She loves chocolates...so you better hide any you might have...she'll be at your house.......sooner....or later!! Jo

Well, I don't know about you girls, but I am young and thin and beautiful! Now, someone did take my husband and leave me an old man to clean around! LOL (He is six years older than me, so I love to get my digs in). Maybe I should go back to the top here and add delusional to my adjectives. :)

Well,somehow she found her way to my house too..(I really think Jo sent her)Maybe I'll just send the old man that eats and sleeps here off to Jo for a while,hehehe.

Heck, she's been living at my house for years! LOL

ooooooooooooo do I feel better,,I was beginning to think
I needed the white coat,,,cause her twin showed up here
last spring and has totally taken over my life,lol
[[[[[[[[granny ]]]]]]]] I really needed this.[[[nana]]]

love it, i am not a grandma yet but old enough to be one. i know this old lady well.lol.lol.

This is so funny, NOT really, she's here too.

She just arrived out west 6 weeks ago!! She must be 'The Little Old Lady From Pasadena".
After watching my grandson today, she sure was showing her stuff all evening around my house. lol

Donna

I'm so glad you all liked it. I just loved it.
When I got it in email, I thought it was absolutely hystical because it's so true.

She's been interferring in my life for a while now and seems to be more and more active in the last few months. She must have a bunch of clones or something .... either that or she's Super Granny who can really get around fast.

She cmae to my house for a short visit and she still hasn't left yet. Just can't get rid of her. Maybe if I quit baking all these goodies for awhile,maybe she'll leave; ya think?

If she is missing her twin sister, she's been hanging around my house for years. She also falls in my ponds sometimes and walks on the flowers when she trips on her size 11 feet!

Hey...I wondered why mom's line was busy. Now I know....

LOLOL! Yep, she's here, too! She's really been packing on the pounds this past two years. And whenever I spend a bunch of time in the garden weeding, then go to bed feeling wonderfully proud of myself, she beats on me so I wake up hurting and can't enjoy what I did the day before!

Wing, she's been helping me in my garden projects also. I think we need to send her back to GL as she visited her first.........

Donna

LOLOL! I agree!!!!!

The description you gave seems oddly familiar...I gave it a lot of thought but just couldn't seem to find her name in my memory bank. But I passed a mirror on the way to the kitchen and there she was....brazen as could be....my mothers face looking back at me!

She's Everywhere!! North, south, east & west.. LOL.. And oh yea..Badseed? My hubby is 9 years older than me, and believe me, that gap will close a lot sooner than you think, LOL..We females don't age nearly as well as our male counterparts for some silly reason..Think someone got that backwards? I'll try to pass the "old lady" on to someone else.LOL
Larkie

You girls make me feel a lot better, I am not a granny yet but hope so someday, the girls need to get a move on. I have been thinking alot about this time thing. It is absolutely amazing, I have been married 30 years almost and in another 30 I hope to be singing with the angels. Incredible, where does it go? At least you have sense(s) of humor about it. I posted a picture of my oldest two on the prayer forum, it was twenty years ago already. Incredible!!!

Larkie, I read that married men fare better in health matters than single men, and married women fare worse than single women. But we still outlive the men on average, and I think it's Mom Nature's way of making sure we get a chance to indulge ourselves. I have studied this subject for decades, and finally reached the conclusion that I needed to be married to three men: a nice sedate one who could deal with my feminine wiles in a calm and supportive manner; a contemporary one, for all the times I needed to have someone understand my current state of mind or my memories; a young one who would adore me as a wise and wonderful goddess of no particular age.

Kenny's fourteen years older than me, but most of the time, I'd swear he's fourteen years younger! LOLOL! Aimee, marry a younger Gemini and slip him a valium when your wiles need dealing with in a calm manner. ;)

GrannyL I thought that I was the only one with this free-loader in my home. I find her in my mirror and tell her that I don't believe my lying eye's but my mind which tells me I am still 29, so I tell her to get lost, it doesn't work because she is still there. So your not alone, we just have to do something about these old ladies taking over our homes. I am going to serve her an eviction notice and give her the boot.
Could it be gremlins that is stealing our youth...mmmm I wonder???

This message was edited Sunday, Sep 8th 6:02 PM

WS, she's definitely a menace~ I think we need to have a meeting to decide how to rid our homes of this menace ~

I think your right because everything I have tried doesn't seem to be working.

I've never seen such a pest in my whole life ....

I thought I sent her packing, back on Aug. 29th...
Darn if she didn't show back up this weekend and give me a terrible pain in my back (literally). I spent the weekend at my DD house to help with my new grandson (hubby was away) and I had a hard time trying to pick him up and hold him all day with my bad back.

Please go now.. and don't show up for at least another 10 years.

Donna

I am going to ware a mask so I don't have to look at her ugly face. Grannyl do you think that we might have mirrors that lie to us.....now there is a thought lol.

WS - maybe it's the opposite kind of mirror that the wicked stepmother had .... (in Snow White - remember?) I believe we need to get one like she had.

Shoot! I'd settle for one of the old funhouse mirrors that made short people look tall and thin!

GrannyL when you find them please let me know so I can buy one as well. I think that if I see that 29 year old woman again it will just make me do cart wheels.

Lol Zany.