Appropriate punishment for theft of money

Where do I begin? My son is a good kid & has a good heart. He's nine years old. But, there's a trait he inherited from my husband ~ one that I like to call rim running. He likes to push the limits of the boundaries we set; almost as if he needs to know there is a limit. I'm not sure if this is boy behavior or non-gender specific. It's seems as if it's a "thrill" for my son sometimes when he pulls a stunt like this (maybe once every six months or so). It's not always the same type of behavior. This morning, he snagged a five dollar bill from garage sale money we had made over the weekend. We sent him to school knowing we were very disappointed, but I don't know what the appropriate punishment is for this. Do we address the stealing in an of itself? Do we somehow address his need to "get away" with what he knows is wrong? How do we communicate to him that this is JUST NOT ACCEPTABLE? Any & all advice is appreciated!

I think I would sit him down and explain to him that he has had privelages because you trusted him. Tell him that he has now ruined that trust and will have to work to earn that trust again. I would give him a small list of chores to do-stuff he normally does not do, so there is a difference and tell him that each job pays a certain amount of money and that we will have to do them to earn the amount of money that he took. I would let him know how much you love him and how much you like him, but let him know that he hurt your feelings and did something that you can forgive him for, but something that will not be tolerated in any shape or form. I would also let him know that in the future, if he needs money for something, he should ask for it and if you feel it is something he needs, that you will agree to give it to him or help him to earn it. I don't think it is a boy thing, so much as it is, maybe he just wanted to test the waters or just be a kid. :)

Best sit down with him and private talk to him "Humble" ask him why doing this and why... so a lot of time who he associate with who has bad influnece him doing that like others what they re'doing this and most kids think "COOL" but that really bad but it is not easy what doing at school so right now the world is so bad. Try give him do work what he did doing that to you... if he do it that good and later ask him "You want make money" give him something little work to earn money that way good habit will not get bad habit theft when grow up so, if offer him work pay little money the more do the more he will not steal that might be help him stop steal money and when he grow up get habit go work make money for himself instead habit steal all time will never want go work just go look for steal that will be bad. Maybe you think well that good idea. That's up to you. If he get mad when you talk to him just be patient not to get mad back to him that show you care about him and he will see you hurt for what he doing like this to you. I hope it will work out. Let's Pray to hope solve this problem.
My friends had that the same problems and it really work for them no more problems now. I am happy for them.

Here's a good website:
http://www.family.org/topics/a0017831.cfm

Morph,
I believe that you as a loving mother will find your own emotional answer to this problem, and I don't think any advice can help you in this case.
You're the Mum, and you will know what is best for your wee Boy, whether you want to punish him for it, or talk to him about it, reasoning with him.
I really think any outside ideas would be obtrusive to your own understanding of this situation.
Do just what you think is best Morph... you're his Mum.

All the best

Wintermoor

Despite having faced this problem with a couple of my own, I felt I couldn't be effective for you, Morph. I agree with Wintermoor. You know this child, you love him, and you are probably closer to his innermost thoughts than anyone else in the world. Some youngsters need only to see your disappointment to resolve never to repeat an action, while others will take that as absolution and return again and again to the same offense. Some children will learn only by the harshest means, while others are responsive to verbal guidance. You are hurt, and you need refuge and time to heal your disappointment, but after a time you will return with the best ideas available and will be able to follow through with good basic understanding. He knows he was wrong, that isn't the problem. How to help him resist the temptation when it arises is your first concern, and then how to follow the golden rule is your long term project. Whatever punishment or corrective measures you decide to take, they must be your own, formulated with definite goals and with a clear understanding of those goals by you and your family. Everyone is involved, everyone must be.

Despite having faced this problem with a couple of my own, I felt I couldn't be effective for you, Morph. I agree with Wintermoor. You know this child, you love him, and you are probably closer to his innermost thoughts than anyone else in the world. Some youngsters need only to see your disappointment to resolve never to repeat an action, while others will take that as absolution and return again and again to the same offense. Some children will learn only by the harshest means, while others are responsive to verbal guidance. You are hurt, and you need refuge and time to heal your disappointment, but after a time you will return with the best ideas available and will be able to follow through with good basic understanding. He knows he was wrong, that isn't the problem. How to help him resist the temptation when it arises is your first concern, and then how to follow the golden rule is your long term project. Whatever punishment or corrective measures you decide to take, they must be your own, formulated with definite goals and with a clear understanding of those goals by you and your family. Everyone close to him is involved, everyone must be.

i have one of my own he is only 9 and his mother and i have very different views when it comes to punishment.she usually takes the more moderen timeout way and i take the older way. he responds to both but we still have our problems. seems nothing is full proof and you have to just do the best you can just like our parents did when we broke something or stayed out to late.....

I think you are correct being concerned. Whatever you call it, it does come down to stealing and a habit of stealing CAN( not always of course) but can become a habit that grows....not to be overly dramatic or harsh but we all have known kids who started stealing small stuff and unchecked it gets to the point where they steal from neighbours employers etc. I know that's the extreme and I am NOT suggesting your son would go this route. It sounds like you are a great parent and I commend you for taking this seriously. I think explaining to him the consequences of stealing would be good. I know the PC way is to treat these situations delicately and explore the hidden meaning behind the behaviors of children but stealing is serious. I might be wrong but I think you should focus on the theft and not his motives. To me anything that minimizes wrong doing....giving it a cuter name etc. is a mistake. If our children lie...we don't call it fibs or if they steal we don't call it a nicer term because we want them to know they action is UGLY and WRONG and SERIOUS.Only my feelings and I wish you well handling this matter. Whatever you decide will be the right choice for you and your son.

Morph,I have no solutions or answers for you. My oldest daughter has the same problem with her son and one day she literally took him to the police station and had an officer talk to him about the situation. No one really has any easy answers here, but do wish you the very best of luck in trying to solve the situation.

I feel sometimes raising children is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.

I agree with Amanda in calling a spade a spade and concentrate on the action and not so much the motive; how to talk to him about it, and what punishment to administer, however, depends so much on his personality and your relationship with him. Like Aimee said, methods must vary with the kid. I was extremely strong-willed as a child, but I had friends and relatives so sensitive a cross look would reduce them to puddles.

Raising children is never easy. I will pray that you find the right words to say that will let him see the wrong that he has done.
Hugs
Ruth

I had this problem with my oldest child. It happened 2-3 times. I ended up taking her to talk to a policeman in the police dept. I also made her watch a video of kids in juvenile detention. (this was a suggestion they had) She took candy once...I made her buy some, return it, and tell the lady she was sorry. I caught her in a store once...she was very young them. I thankfully caught her before we left the store. The last time she took something at a store is when I was crushed. I decided harsher measures were in order for her. So far it seems to of done the trick. I dont think your son is a repeat offender. But if he does, you might try that.
Oh, one idea is to make your son work off double the amount he took. If he does it again, make it triple. Maybe that would help. Kids have to learn there are consequences early before they are older. You sound like you are gonna handle it just fine. Good luck.

The ideas must be respected from all Mums and Dads who have written their bits on here, but I'm sorry folks, if Morph is a Mum, then she will know what to do, I don't think we can give her any ideas.
I wouldn't take any ideas from any one if I had a problem with my son, and especially NOT from people I only know over the internet, friendly or not, no one knows how my wee boy feels at 8 o'clock in the morning when he starts school... before you all tell MORPH how to look after her own flesh and blood, think of this... have you met the kid???... does he like Mickey-D or Muesli????
Sorry Ladies & Gents, I think MORPH should sort this out for herself.
She after all is the Mum, would you like someone else telling you how to bring-up your kids???
I also think that MORPH should not have brought this subject into the fori of Dave's Garden... this though, is just my opinion.

All the best

Wintermoor

I don't think Morph is in a hurry to run out and do what any of us says, rather she is collecting opinions and ideas on how others handle such things. It would seem she does have her own ideas about what to do, but just didn't want to do anything either too harsh or let him off too easy. Most times the best thing to do, is to stop, walk away and think about things before reacting and many us us do turn to a friend for advice or just for the set of ears. I have by the way met him. :) He is a sweet, delightful little guy. I don't know him well but do think a lesson of sort is in order, not because I say so, but because I know how much she loves him. I am sure I am not the perfect mother but do the best I can and sometimes I ask for advice too, not answers, just advice. I have five kids and sometimes the world can be a tough place.

I would never have told anyone how to raise their children but Morp asked for suggestions. I can't see anything wrong with Morp asking for suggestions here....I read all kinds of trivia on Daves as well as life changing issues...who are we to tell anyone else what is suitable to post? I don't think one single person here would have given the impression that their way is the right way...I think we were simply doing as Morp had asked offering suggestions....OH COURSE Morph can do what he or she feels is best. Never hurts to gather info in my opinion.

If this would have happened to me and one of my five, I probably would have asked for input also. Sometimes as parents, we need support and ideas too. Being a parent is the toughest task in the world, and just because we are a child's parent, that doesn't always make us a perfect parent all the time, and it certainly doesn't mean that we always know how to handle issues that come up. Many times I've been in situations when I just did not know what to do, and afraid of making the wrong choice in haste. I applaude Morph for taking the time to think it through and ask for input. I know Morph will be the one to make the ultimate decision, and if an idea posted here gives her a boost as to what she thinks would be appropriate, I see nothing wrong with it at all.

I wish I could offer some input Morph, but I really don't know what I would do in your situation either. My initial thought would be to address this from a religious angle, and point out why his actions was hurting him more than anyone. I hesitated to post that for fear of starting something else. I certainly hope nothing gets started because I said it now.

Keeping you and your son in my thoughts. I hope it all works out for the best for both of you.

Morp you are in my thoughts and whatever you decide to do, I think you have been very wise in your concern. That shows you are a very good parent. We can always learn from others...even from their mistakes. Brave of you to come forward and seek help inHo.

Morph... How it goes with your son? Hope it work for you. Don't give up your son ok. Take care!

What a way to have started the week...

Thank you to everyone for your support, thoughts and ideas. My son has spoken to a police officer on a separate occasion for unacceptable behavior at school this past year. I do think the school & the officer handled it very well given that he was speaking about what he wanted to do vs. actually following through on what he was saying. Either way, that needed to be addressed seriously as well. It is crushing when you think you've made great strides as parents and all is going quite well and then, "oops" your child makes a wrong choice. It's just like a blow to the gut!

He's been grounded and in addition to returning the money to us, I am in the process of having him read about charities. He will also be donating ANOTHER equal amount of what he took to the charity he chooses.

Again, thanks for your support and help. It helped me handle this & myself a little better. It's just so hard for me to fathom some of his choices since I practically raised myself and though we had very little, I just didn't choose to challenge the rules like he.

great idea...sounds like you made a very wise choice...hope your son gets the message loud and clear...

Morph, I think you handled this very well. You are a very good parent I think.

(((Hugs)))

Well done Morph,
that is a great idea with the charity.

All the best

Wintermoor

VERY well handled Morph. With a parent like you, you son will be just fine. I will be keeping your ideas in mind myself just in case.....I am really glad you shared your solution. Parenting can be tough with 2 but when you are alone you sure can second guess yourself. The trials and solutions of other parents you respect can sure make you feel less "at sea". ((((((Morph and Son))))))

Thank you all ~ I'm sure this won't be our last dilemma, but I appreciate your support this week.

{{{{EVERYONE}}}} for being there!

Makes you feel like you have a whole big bunch of sisters and aunts and big brothers to help you, doesn't it? I think we were as afraid of a couple of strict aunts as we were Mama, and to lose their approval was just the worst thing that could happen. We knew they could have a huge impact on how Mama viewed a transgression.