communication

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when
dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to
understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single
rule
applies: Make the woman happy.
Do something she likes, and you get points.
Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.


You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's
the way the game is played.

Here is a guide to the points system:


SIMPLE DUTIES

You make the bed..............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.....0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets......................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex.....-1
When the Kleenex runs out, you use the next bathroom..........-2

You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.......+5
In the snow...................................................+8
But return with beer.......................................-5
And no liners................................................-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat.................................................-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party............0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy......-2
Named Tiffany....................................-4
Tiffany is a stripper.............................-10
With breast implants...........................-18

HER BIRTHDAY

You remember her birthday...............................0
You buy a card and flowers...............................0
You take her out to dinner.................................0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar................................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your
face is painted the colors of your favorite team........-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS

Go with a pal.......................................0
The pal is happily married....................+1
The pal is single...................................-7
He drives a Ferrari..............................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER

You take her to a movie...................+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate.....+6
You take her to a movie you like.......-2
It's called Death Cop 3...............-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans.....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE

You develop a noticeable potbelly...............................-15
You develop a noticeable potbelly & exercise to get rid of it.....+10
You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts.................................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter.....you have one too.".................-800

THE BIG QUESTION

She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding......................-10
You reply, "Where?"..............................-35
You reply, "No, I think it's your butt".......-100
Any other response.................................-20

COMMUNICATION

When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned look.......................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes..................................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience........+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying,
'Well, what do you think I should do"...........................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV.....+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen
asleep............-200

Hmmm, how about it, ladies? Anyone have a good reply list? We could kick it off with something like: She prepares dinner after her double shift, and cleans up afterward before collapsing beside you on the sofa...

She picks up the wet towel you left on her favorite antique table and doesn't strangle you with it...

She smiles and continues preparing dinner without a word of complaint when you bring home a buddy, at 9 PM, with no warning...

lol Well I'm a woman and I saw the funny side of it!! In fact - it was hilarious!!!! Wonder why I didn't feel miffed!!!! Could be it had more than a grain of truth in it?? On the other hand.....from a woman's perspective:-

He sits down to watch the golf at 3 pm + 5
He sits, watches golf and up comes the recliner + 50
She wants to see a movie - 100

She washes dishes left sitting + 10
She feeds cats + 20
She fetches beer for hubbie still sitting + 50
She empties litter boxes + 100

She wants to go for a walk - 100
She wants to go to a nursery - 500
She wants an evening without TV - 500
She wants a cosy, romantic evening - 100
She joins He and watches sport + 1000

She tells him he is wonderfull without asking him to take out the trash + 5

Shecomes in from taking out the trash herself and tells hin he is wonderful + 10

She waits til after he takes out the trash and then says he is wonderful -4

She waits til he comes in from taking out the trash and then reminds him ther is another receptical in the other room -25

ROTF! I don't know if I want Howie to see this thread or not!! ;)

lol you guys!!! It's a bit early for me yet, but I'll no doubt come up with some more.