Coffee Break # 79

Thanks, Victor.

you shouldn't feel guilty... you can only do what you can.. if that is the best option to keep him safe.. that is what it is.. his safety & health is most important

Hang in there Karen♥ Don't feel guilty, you have already done so much more than some people I know for your dad, he is blessed to have such a good daughter.

Ditto to what has already been said, Karen. You can only do what you can do and his safety is most important. Growing old isn't for sissies as the saying goes. Sometimes very tough decisions need to be made. (((big hugs))) to you, dear.

Hugs and prayers to karen and family, as also for the other members of the DG family.

I have a nice thing to report. Last night, at the high school language award ceremony, they said they couldn't choose between five kids to give them the award in memory of a former student who had died. Yep, DD1 got it. The bios of the kids she was awarded with were unbelievable. The effect of an auditorium full of highly achieving kids was also inspiring.

Congrats to DD Rosemary!
Karen, don't feel bad, you are only doing whats right for him. He may not understand but we know you love him and only have his best interest. (((Karen)))

Great news, Rosemary!! Heartwarming to hear about highly motivated kids.

I thought there was a duck in my front yard, went out to see, it was a cat bird imitating a duck....LOL

That is the nasty thing about memory loss, not being able to adjust to the non-familiar. I worry about it for myself as i get older. You know you are doing the best for Dad & they may be able to keep him from getting worse.

Cngrats to DD1, Rosemary! Karen, placing someone in a nursing home is very hard, but sometimes it's the only option....Doug's niece was trying to care for her sister with the help of aides, but it became harder as Sharm became more agitated....I visited Sharm & could see how much better off she was in the nursing home.....Shelley is still having problems accepting it, but that's Shelley......you have to do what's best for the patient.....

Congrats, Rose! Kudos to her.

Dementia is horrible. Dealing with it with my aunt and neighbor.

Victor are both moms still home with you?

No - neither right now. My mom is home and doing okay, though they told her she has ANOTHER blockage! And my poor MIL is still suffering with C diff. That is one nasty bug. The runs for five weeks and counting now! Two antibiotics, one IV. Still looks like weeks before she gets out and comes here. Otherwise, she is doing well with rehab and the wound is closing nicely. Thanks.

Continued prayers for your dad Karen
Congrats Rosemary!
Hope your 2 moms are better soon Victor

So sorry about Mom & MIL, Victor...continued prayers......

Thanks, ladies.

My thoughts and prayers are for the elderly, infirm, and those who love them. If we have to blame anything for the difficulty, lets blame modern life that makes it hard to age gracefully. There's no one on this thread who isn't doing their very best, I'm certain. I think I want my kids to know not to feel guilty if the time comes for me.

We're very blessed to have happy events at the moment, but have been through the nursing home thing ten years ago, and it was very difficult.

I tell my kids I look forward to being a burden to them. ^_^

You mean because they don't always like your jokes, Victor? :)

Wonderful news about your DD, Rosemary! Happy for you!

Karen, nothing is more difficult than what you are having to go through now. As others have said, you have been a very good daughter to your Dad, and you are continuing to do what he would know is best for him if he were able to think it through rationally. Please don't waste a second of your energy feeling undeserved guilt. Even if this were not necessary for his wellbeing, your life matters too, and you are not being selfish. Cut yourself some slack and understand that dementia is not rational and you do best to love the person, but not the unintentional behavior that goes along with the dementia. All the way around, it just stinks! Hang in there and be gentle with yourself. Saying prayers for strength and comfort.

Did you know that for the Facebook generation when kids want to go to the prom, they send a preliminary Facebook greeting, then in frot of everyone's cell phone, they have to do something dramatic? The easy one is to have a sign that says prom. One kid tricked his potential date to drive him to the bakery to pick up some cupcakes. There were letters on the cupcake that spelled prom.

Thanks for all your prayers, kind words and thoughts and encouragement. I really needed it all. I will try not to feel so guilty, but it's hard. Tomorrow I will go to visit him. Today I had to work 13 hours, and was hoping to find some time to visit him with a client who knows Dad, but I ended up getting doubled up with someone else, and we were so busy that there was no time to visit him.

Victor, I hope your mother and MIL will be better soon. Sorry for your troubles as well, and for everyone elses' troubles, too. Life isn't easy for sure.

Rosemary, congrats to your daughter! That's cute about the prom cupcake.

Karen

Hope you as well as your dad will feel better tomorrow, Karen.

It's a great day to head for the garden....that helps to cope with a lot.....

My older guy had his NYSSMA clarinet recital today. Will get results soon. He thinks he messed up the reading part a bit.

Oh, no....hope he does well!

Good luck to Victor's son. The sight reading parts were always hard for my kids.

What does NYSSMA stand for?

http://www.nyssma.org/

neat

It is. And it's refreshing to see all the kids filing in and practicing. So nice to see a competition not involving sports or academics.

MA has a state music educator's association too. The kids go to the competitions in busses. It is very social.

DD1's piano teacher gave her a great big trophy at her final recital. It's because music kids don't always get all the sports trophies, and they should be recognized for their achievements.

Absolutely. Same with art, etc.

Definitely!!!

Our school always went to a fine arts competition. We had one boy who played the piano very well, but he played by ear, so he never did well because the judge sat there with the music and followed along. Needless to say those listening loved it, because he always improvised, too. He also sings. He now has his own CD. I haven't heard it yet.

I hadn't posted this, yet, cuz we had such a roller coaster ride with our one DIL recently about her pregnancy. She is doing very well and because she needs to have a c-section because of her bone structure the baby will be born Nov.1 u less she goes into labor before that.

However, our oldest son and his wife had also recently learned they were pregnant. They live in Oregon. Because of her past history with miscarriages, she was very concerned. They have an adopted son, one born naturally, and an older foster daughter who has 2 kids of her own. Last week was a very difficult one. Royale, my DDIL, on Mother's Day started cramping. Blood tests showed the levels were not progressing. This miscarriage wasn't like before and took all week. She is still very weak and needless to say devastated. We now have 4 babies to hug in heaven. 3 from this family and one from another son and his wife. Please pray for Royale's strength and her emotional well-being, as well as my son, Charles. Many thanks. I hadn't really grieved until now, when the finality set in.

That's neat Victor, I hope your son did well.

Jan, indeed you and your family have suffered a terrible blow. Prayers for all and that your DDIL and son will find their way through their losses.

sorry to hear that jan - prayers to the family

prayers for the family's recovery.

Thank you, dear friends. Life stinks sometimes.