CLOSED: No Reply

I have occasionally either posted a reply on a trading thread offer, or sent a dmail to a member requesting a trade, only to have no answer whatsoever. I never post or dmail without either having something or, usually, numerous plants on someone's want list, or in the case where they have no want list, having numerous plants related to the plants they have, and believing they are likely to be interested in some of my plants. So I am very surprised when, especially after sending a long and detailed dmail to someone who has regularly been posting threads on the trading forum, and has posted many times since I dmailed, I get no reply whatsoever.
How much energy does it take to say "Sorry, I'm not interested." ? I just have to say that I find this to be very rude and self-centered, and will certainly never contact any of these people again. To me this lack of response is the same as saying "If you don't have something I want, I'm not even going to acknowledge your existence." Definitely not the sort of people I want to deal with anyway, but I still find it very surprising that there are avid gardeners and members of the DG community who are like this.

It's sad to say, but those things will remain with us for a long time.

there are people out here like that and others like me have experienced it too. like we dont even exist to some people. it is very sad and only takes a moment to say not interested.

over the past 14 months, I have 32 UNANSWERED d-mail requesting trades.

((I went back to my mail and counted))

I don't dwell on the unanswered tho...I accept the fact that sometimes...people just aren't as polite as we would hope them to be.

Thanks for the responses. Dirtygirl, that does really show the sorry state of people's consideration of eachother. I'm glad for you if you can accept that easily. For myself, I find that if I express how I feel about it, by putting it out there, as I'm doing on this thread, and hearing other peoples feelings and experiences, then I can more easily let it go.

if I want a certain plant bad enough, I actually d-mail more than one person who have it, make my offer and move on... not very often does it happen that the one plant I'm looking for goes unanswered by all that I d-mailed. The way I see it...their loss....not mine!!

I just BLOOM on!

Don't sweat the little things-----------It's all little things.

Well Bloom On, Lady! "Their loss...not mine" is a good way of looking at it, but I'm not there yet.

Kenboy, you may be sitting there meditating on your zofu and zobutan, and though I was once there too, and found it very useful, I choose to directly express my thoughts and feelings, which, though , granted, they may be little things, happen to be a part of my reality. If, according to the philosophy to which you subscribe, it's all little things, then how do you decide what to do with your life, what to react to or not react to, what if anything is important enough to consider? I am here trying to talk about the attitudes and behaviors of human beings toward other human beings. I am doing so in a very small sense, however in the larger scheme of things, the attitudes of people toward other people are a good part of the reason that the world has turned into such an abysmal place.

Thanks Dean, but I know that these people are and were members., A few I answered on their own threads which they had just posted. A few others that I dmailed were, at the time also posting regularly on the trading threads or elsewhere on DG.

Oh, okay. Sorry, I didn't read all of this thread.

By the way the same thing happens to me. :)

This message was edited Jun 16, 2010 6:54 PM

Sorry it happens to you too, Dean. Sorry it happens to anyone.

On a slightly different note, things written on a computer can be interpreted so many different ways by so many different people. I have found that sometimes when I am being honest and trying to state my opinion, people take it the wrong way. Sometimes people think I am very upset when I am not.
I have had a few people contact me a long time after I D-mailed them. Sometimes I am no longer interested, so I don't respond. I guess I should tell them that I have changed my mind.

These types of feelings I see as Taking things entirely too personal. It's just not that deep and It's not always that someone is being ignored.
Do you know how many dmails I have sent about a trade with No response?? Can't count that High...I can't sit here and wonder why, get upset, or take it personal as to why a trade didn't go down between me and whoever..

Personally...when I happen to set up a trade it is finalized through dmail. I don't usually set up ANY trades on a thread. But to each their own and I wanted to just add my 2 cents and say I could be the most kind, loving, and generous person. But because I didn't do what someone may think I should do, or react the way they think I should react...I then can be considered "Self Centered"

Do you all get my point??? We should not take these things personal. I don't and just cant...My honest good intentions and heart is in every Trade :-)

Yeah, like I said so many things can be interpreted so many different ways.

I totally agree with that. Especially when reading words..

I see your point completely, Kim, but I understand perenniallyme's as well. I just don't think it takes more than a few seconds to type back 'sorry, not interested' or 'sorry, don't have' to a d-mail. It just seems to me to be a courtesy more than anything, I guess. On the other hand, end of last summer we had some family emergencies and I was off DG for months and then never ended up getting back on until March, I believe. Anyway, I had a bunch of dmail starting from a week after I stopped being online. Ack! Well, I wrote a quick note to each person telling them I was sorry. Three people never responded - I figured they were gone, but I did do a few trades and some were no longer interested. No matter what happened, I felt better for at least responding back. I think some people on here act all high and mighty for no reason at all. And yes, I agree that it's hard to read anything into a group of words posted online.

Di

Well, I'm here to tell you They don't like it when you dmail them back and say NOT INTERESTED< i've had folks chew me up one side and down the other because of my Not interested comment, and I have never said NOt interested. It's always kind and sorry but I have that plant that your offering etc.... I have had them get down right irate and curse at me.

You can't win for loosing . I have ignored dmails myself, when i'm being dmailed over and over and i've already said i'm not really interested in trading.

You should just move on to the next trade, and not get too worked up over someone not responding to dmails. You don't really know why they didn't dmail you back, something may be going on in their lives, and they just can't respond.

But people get more upset at the NOt interested dmails than if you didn't dmail them at all. I KNOW>

Nuff said.

not knocking you at all perenniallyme we've traded some good trades in the past. ;0)

just my 2 cents.

Di...I just don't think this is True at all...

I think some people on here act all high and mighty for no reason

Sorry I just don't think it's the case...I'm not saying this argumentatively..Just how I perceive things around here. Everyone's lifestyle is different. I just really feel as though people take things with dmails and responses way too seriously.

I hope this isn't taken the wrong way by anyone...But if I sat around and answered every email, dmail, ebay buyer mail, not to mention cubit mail, etc etc...I wouldn't have time to garden. I try my best to answer as many request and questions as I can..

Example..I put up an auction on eBay and the page was extremely detailed. I get some of the craziest questions, considering all the information was there. Google is a great tool!!! Is anyone catching my point? Sometimes we answer what's pressing and do our best...

This subject has been brought up a million times around here in the last 6 years and I will remain the same...


Don't take NO REPLY So personal.
My father called my house today...I didn't even pick up the phone. I don't think that was rude....Just didn't feel like talking and entitled to that...yall catch my drift??

Durn...I figure I'm lucky to hear back from someone, much less 'yell' at them because they replied!

That really threw me to read that, Kathy, I guess there are idiots everywhere. That just takes nerve to yell at you because you replied to them about a trade they wanted. I guess I never considered someone would do that.

I'm just saying that there is so many thing to worry about, paying the bills, did I feed the dogs, am I getting to much salt in my diet. You can not fix someone else. If you drive in a big city you will face thousands of people who cut you off, follow too close behind you, etc... What can you do? They are out there by the millions and as soon as you pass one, you are coming up on another. You can't take too much to heart. In the last few years, work has been slow and money hard to come by. In spite of that I do not see the world as an abysmal place. Life is good.

Oh Yeah...LOL. Been there done that too.

Yes it takes alot of nerve.

But I moved on.

Oh, I agree with you completely and just hadn't thought it through from another point of view when I replied - such as what kathy_ann and yourself just wrote. I do believe there are some on here that act high and mighty though, not many, but I have run into some...but that's everywhere in life. I don't take things personally - I'm just into manners myself and need to remind myself that there really are no set manners online. ;)

AMEN KEN!

it does hurt when you post on threads for things and people do ignore you or dont email you or anything. its also rude. all you have to say is no dont want to trade with you. I have posted on peoples threads and gotten ignored and they trade with everyone else but me. they answer others but leave me behind. i think its rude. how do you think people feel when others trade around you and you get ignored??

if you post something for trade or postage or anything i think you should at least respond to the people who respond to you. you started the thread its not right to offer something then ignore people who post to your offer. and some people do that i know i have had it done to me in the last week or so by a member here on dg

I agree with Kathy, people's feelings get hurt when you say you aren't interested, and some can get nasty.
Pam

why speechless?

Because it's just too many emotions on a non-emotional situation. Try something different... Don't answer in the thread..If it's a plant you really really want and you have something they really want then dmail them..If you don't get a response move on. This is the internet.

I see your point completely Kim, but it's not whether or not a trade happens that upsets me. And Kathy, I want to say this to you too, though we've only had a really good trading experience (5***** out of 5). I truly would not be the least upset if someone said no to a proposed trade. Why should I? I really don't get it that someone should complain to a no. It's mostly when I go to the trouble of making a detailed list - often from someone's want list - of plants I have that I think that person is interested in, or likely interested in, and send them a dmail, only to have no response at all, that irks me, if I know that person is around and posting on DG, so that I know they would have seen my dmail. I do think it's really rude to have no reply at all. If someone says no, I would just forget about it. And Kathy, I would understand completely not dmailing someone back if you've already told them you're not interested. I would call what you describe as harrassment, and I doubt I'd email back again after having already said no. I guess this leads me to some understanding of why some people don't respond, if there are lots of people out there who argue with you if you don't want to trade. Who needs that?!
I haven't done a whole lot of trading here, or even proposed a whole lot of trades, but between the cold shoulder no response, irresponsible traders, and with attitudes like the ones you folks are describing, I'm feeling less like trading all the time.
I had a great spring plant sale, so I was able to order lots of great plants with the proceeds, so I might just stick to that route. Also met a lot of friendly gardeners that way and had a great time.

Maybe I should also say that I've been sick in bed with the flu most of the past few days, and that may have led to me thinking about this more than I might have otherwise. I suspect I may have blown it out of proportion, but I do still believe the basics of what I said.
Thanks, guys, for your responses.

not many do get upset, but it's the ones that do get upset that make you wonder why you responded at all.

we've traded 5 times? girl you got a good memory. ;0)

always thought of Dg more then just the internet more like faimly but guess there are some who dont feel that way and think its right to ignore people and not respond.

still say if you started thread you should respond to the ones who reply and not ignore anyone. you started the thread and opened the door to responses. so you should respond back. but hey i know who didnt respond and wont trade or anything with them. because if you want to be rude then its not worth my time.

its wrong to get upset at a no to a trade. i agree with that but most dont and move on. i have had a few no due to they feel their plant is worth more then what i have had. im fine with that. i have told people no because i post pics and dont have any of the plant at the time to trade. saying no shouldnt upset people.

what im saying is being ignored completely is rude. while you say something to others and dont say nothing to what someone else has posted. thats rude. example posted i could for postage skipped over my post to next post like i never even posted thats rude. i dont mind you saying no to me but it is what it is rude

OOps. I guess I missed a whole lot of responses while I was posting my response.
Thanks for your support, janaestone and imzadi. Sorry Ken, if I let your response rub me the wrong way. Woodthrush, I know that Kathy has had that same experience of people getting nasty when you say no, but I haven't experienced it myself, and, though I do believe you, I have a really hard time trying to understand why a "no thanks" would make someone angry and nasty. They are, after all, someone else's plants, to do with as they please, and I really wouldn't want to twist someone's arm to do a trade they don't want to do. I generally find it as rewarding to send someone plants they want as to get the ones I want. I would much rather buy the plants I want than to try to bully someone into sending them.

yes it is wrong to get upset when folks get mad at you for saying no. it's wrong to be rude and not respond when you post in public. but you can't change folks. you have to just move on.


We could all learn a little about being thoughtful of others. Myself included.

Kathy, no we just traded once - last summer or fall, but you get 5 stars out of 5 for your end of the trade. Love all the tricyrtis you sent, as well as other stuff, all extremely healthy, well packed, etc..................................

Kathy, hope you didn't misunderstand me. I was saying it's wierd for someone to get angry if you say no to a trade. I can certainly understand getting angry at someone who won't take no for an answer and continues to bug you or says something nasty to you for saying no.

no misunderstanding.