We gave our son no allowance.
We as a family have money to spend or not as life is fickle, especially if you are self employed. Thus, we, DH and I, have to justify our personal needs to each other about money being spent, so we did the same with our son when he was born. He was taught at the earliest age that most impulse buying (except for plants), was not part of our budget. If any of us wanted something it was discussed, researched and pondered over. Most major items that anyone wanted often needed to be put on the Birthday list or Christmas list, rather than bought on the spot by any of us.
He was taught to use any gift money from grandparents to buy a real item, so that he could write to them about the special item he bought with "their" money. He was not allowed to just fritter away his gift money on throw away stuff like candy or impulse buys or now for him to use to pay his electric bill. He once saved his gift cash for 3 years to get a better bike, as we insisted that his was still fine, just like my old car, quite usable, just not trendy.
When he was little we never said he couldn't buy something because we didn't have the money. We always said it is not in the budget now, and lets talk about it when we get home. We also might reject something outright as dumb, trash, dangerous, harmful, evil or nothing we would ever allow in our home. Period. He knew by age 3 about the magic CC's in our pocket and he would also see all the cash and checks in the registers at our bookstores, so that any line about not having any money would never work with him. I always brought home the days cash receipt each night, so a bag of money was nothing new to him. But he also knew we didn't take any of that money, as it had to all go to the bank in the morning. Uncle Sam's rule.
If he asked for something that we thought was OK and appropriate, we gave him the money. He was often surprised when we agreed to his request, as this was not the normal response. We played hard ball, a lot just to make him think. This child had pretty much everything he could need, but not always everything he wanted or when he wanted it.
He also got no money for doing jobs around the house or at the store, as those jobs were part of being a family. He always was expected to help with the laundry, yard, boats, cooking, pets, cleaning and anything that we did to keep our life moving forward. He had no assigned chores, but if something needed doing, we expected him to pick up the slack without being asked. His room was never the spotless, but he did far more than most of his friends on the domestic front. He certainly never got money for grades. His education was a gift and it cost us plenty, but in the end it was for him to enjoy and relish and to use in any positive way he wanted.
He never thought it was strange not to get an allowance as all his friends did. He thought it was more weird to get paid to be someones child. He once asked why some kids parents had to pay their kids for staying with them. Non of his friends seemed to save anything from their allowances. They wanted to blow it all the minute they had a penny in their pocket. I suspect our practice cost us more than giving him an allowance in the long run in actual cash spent, but we always felt that talking about money was a healthy way to learn to treat it wisely.
As for now, my son can save, as no one can, as he knows that he has to work at a real job, in the real world to get money. He also has a great deal of patience to research and wait to get exactly what he is looking for rather than buying things on impulse. He is a very educated consumer. But he, with those same skills of debate he learned at age 12 year to convince me to buy him a boom box, somehow recently got me to agree to help him furnish his new apartment in NYC with a fat check. I was happy to help him out. He spent his day off over many weeks looking for the perfect couch at a reasonable price even though I was paying, before finding it. Then he took two more days to decide. He is not indecisive or cheap, but very thoughtful about money, mine or his. I think his not having instant cash as a child gave him a good perspective about choosing wisely in a controlled fashion.
When he went to boarding school in the eighth grade we set up a limited account for him to draw from. It was to be used for minor expenses. We required him to keep an account of his expenditures and to report to us about them on a regular basis. He needed to learn that a random movie ticket, a couple of albums, a few burgers, a pair of new shoes etc become real money, real fast. We had only one issue with a questionable expense while he was in boarding school over 5 years. He bought some new electronic game. We made him return it. We also gave him a credit card to use only in emergencies. He never violated that thrust. He now has a debt card which is what he uses mostly along with checks. No money, no buy! Thus he has no debt. His credit rating is very high which he discovered when he rented his NYC apartment.
So I would say our son never suffered from him not having an allowance. I never had one either as a child, as the above is basically how my parents raised me and my 3 brothers. My husband had an allowance and was also greatly indulged in general. But he saw this as confusing and not great preparation for learning to spend wisely as an adult, so he was game to try the no allowance thing.
My biggest concern is, that when an allowance is given to a child, what they seem to learn is that this magic money comes with no effort. It is then usually blown immediately on inconsequential stuff, as the amount of money received in the allowance is never enough to buy anything substantial. Then lo and behold the next week rolls around and the same old sucker will hand this child more of the same to just blow again. Nothing learned and nothing received that is lasting. This child also seems to learn that an automatic raise is given by the parent for doing nothing more than growing older. This is a sweet, but totally unrealistic practice unless you believe in Welfare for the Able, Age 18 and Under.
But I am sure some have had good results from the practice of giving an allowance. Plus we had but one kid to herd through childhood. Good Luck. Tough question. Patti
