Advice Needed: DG Trade - gone bad

I am new to DG and was happily exploring all of the goodies (forum info, co-ops, round-ups, - trades)

after posting Beverly Sills, a Tall Beard, ReBlooming iris on my have list I get an email.
The offer was for a ground cover, Stokesia, that had blue flowers. (pics was sent.)

Okay.
then was asked if i had more than one rhizome. okay
- so we agreed on three Beverly Sills to be sent for 15 stokesia.

I sent the irises, Priority, Delivery Confirmation.
Mine came in regular mail - four days in transit.
(for the exact dollar amount - i could have gotten it a day earlier if sender had bothered to ship Priority)

I usually ''hold" plants for a while before attempting to plant.
just a habit - to check for any problems . . .

now i learned what ive got grows 3 feet, maybe more.
sender really doesnt know what she sent.

when i mentioned this to her asking if she can try to find what was shipped
- i got a cryptic response something like what I got is what I got.?????

dunno but this leaves a very sour taste in my mouth.
this member has good feedback so why have i been chosen to get the bum deal??

after a while it doesnt matter why
- all that matters is this not right and sender should be making arrangements to make it right.

but they are not.

they seem to have many friends here on DG and i am apprehensive.
if i leave honest feedback - friends of this member may do
- dunno what all the ramifications may be.

would this mean no more trades - least im dealing with one of their friends and will get ripped off again?
or no more co-ops because some of their friends may not ship my plants?

Im not miffed at sending the rhizomes!
(I sent LOADS MORE in another trade - where I got what was promised.)
Im miffed at the attitude of: Yes, I sent you crap and So What!

please advise.

Definitely post a negative review of this person - that's exactly what the purpose of the reviews feature is for.

And in the future, perhaps consider trading only with members that have a few positive reviews already...

this member does have positive reviews. a whole page of them.
as i mentioned i dont know why i was chosen to get the bum deal . . .

i am d-mailing them
- and asking them to make right:
either send what was described or another known plant we agree upon.

even with this request
- why must I HAVE to pursue this for them to just DO the right thing??

I'm guessing that's somewhat rhetorical, falling under the general heading of "why isn't life fair?"

Generally speaking, there are no clear-cut answers: sometimes people (or companies or countries) don't live up to their end of a bargain. Why? Occasionally, life throws us a curve ball and something got in the way--their failure to do the right thing can be chalked up to an honest mistake. In some cases, the other party never intended to follow through--sad, but true (and thankfully, not the norm.)

Sometimes we work from the premise that we have a clear understanding and agreement with the other party, and later realize we (or they) misunderstood the terms. Sometimes we have to accept the disappointing reality that our expectations were higher than theirs. (Whether our expectations were unreasonably high or not is another hard-to-answer question in most cases.)

But the best way to handle private disputes is privately, if at all possible. It's also a good idea to assume the best: that they are working in good faith, and don't assume malice unless you have no other choice.

Give the other person the opportunity to do the right thing, just as you would hope for if the shoe were on the other foot.

If a private dialogue doesn't ultimately result in a happy ending, then you can leave negative feedback for the trader. (That's why we have trader feedback in place.)

Publicly bringing up the details of a trade gone bad, even if names aren't mentioned, rarely turns out satisfactorily for anyone. It fuels onlookers' curiosity to know who you're referring to, and can cause division and defensiveness--none of which will get you a good result in the end.

50glee: It is sad when we do trades with fellow gardeners through the mail and don't get what is expected but it's a chance we take. Is the DG'er you did the trade with a paid subscriber? I know I've received d-mails from folks who have seen pictures of my plants and asked for cuttings, a couple have asked if I have extra rooted plants to send them. Some offer to send postage, others offer nothing in trade and just want me to send them plants! I have gotten so I don't even respond to a d-mail if it's not from a paid subscriber.

I hope you find resolution in your bad trade. I have done many trades since subscribing to DG and out of the many, maybe one trade/swap was not as I'd expected. I just chalked it up to lesson learned and wouldn't trade with that person again.

Definitely leave honest feedback of how you feel regarding your trade! I know you said the person had lots of positive feedback so maybe they have something going on in their life at the current time that caused a not so good trade with you. If they make good on the trade and correct the mistake, you can always go back and change your feedback to positive.

oh i am sorry.

i didnt know our activities on DG were public.

somehow i was under the impression because it is so large and diversified
- I would only be exposing my vulnerabilities.

again i apologize.

I am a newbie and as such learning
- the many ways one can learn.

thank you Terry for sharing.
sadly, the reason i posted here rather than a feedback was to avoid besmirching anyone.
sadder still are the realities "this rarely turns out well in the end" and im on the road that "will not get good results in the end."

the prognosis is grim. but the words have been written and read.
at least i have a heads-up as to be cautious.
I have already marched thru the poo and
will have to bear the consequences.

hind sight Is 20/20.

Thank you all for being kind, understanding and helpful.

plantladylin -
BTW ~ How can you tell who is a PAID subscriber??

uuuggggh!

the one trade that does '"show"
- was with an Absolutely Wonderful Gardener and an equally Wonderful Trade!

dunno maybe there is somewhere else to observe the activities of others . . .

just confused.

I feel bad for you, and I don't want to be mean to you, but maybe you should investigate what you are trading for, if you weren't familiar with stokesia you could look it up on Plantfiles.

Outside of the fact that the plant was taller than expected, you did receive the plants you were supposed to, right?

Stokesia are really, and attract a lot of butterflies and bees. Plantfiles lists it as growing 6-12 inches, which I think is correct (I only have one plant of it).

You received the plants that you traded for, which is a good thing! Doesn't always happen, for one reason or another.

Most of my trades come through regular mail, if you want them to be sent priority mail, discuss that ahead of time.

I looked up the vendor that is selling Stokesia- they are $6 each. So if you compare dollar wise, it seems like a good trade too.

I don't think this trade is as bad as you think it is, you could have done worse!

thank you for your kind words.

we are not sure what was sent to me. what i have grows 3 feet plus.
all Stokesia data indicated more of a ground cover. Sender is not sure either.

guess i fell uneasy planting a wholly unknown.

i have done other trades. and sometimes i do not mind giving more than i get.
im releasing some plants due to upcoming plans.

i just want to know what i do get/have. planning around an unknown can be placement challenges.

the mishap was unfortunate.
i realise now i should not have expected anything.
and anything received I should gratefully appreciate.
a fellow human being did take the time to wrap and ship to me - regardless the contents.

this reminds me of a saying - something like do not loan what you cannot afford to give
- away without it ever being returned.

maybe that is how trades are too.
it is the fun and joy of giving.
whatever is received - was sent in good faith.
this should be added to the DG trade info. I did not realise such.

thus feedback becomes a moot point.

this has brought me to a broader reality and even greater spirituality - i think.
I did not understand, initially, this was how Daves Garden is.
nothing wrong with the love thy neighbor vibe.

Once you "get it"; all else is trivial.

it is nice to know our community understands one can send whatever in a trade and all is well.

Again thank all of you for your assistance and guidance through the nuances of DG trades.


This message was edited Jul 29, 2009 10:52 AM

I think one SHOULD receive the plants expected in a trade and for the most part, usually do. I know some folks send "extra's" along in the package but if the trade is for a specific plant or plants that is usually the priority.


Oh, to find out if someone is a PAID subscriber, click on their username which takes you to their home page. It will list their subscription date. For instance if you click on my username to the left of this post you will see:

plantladylin signed up on September 20, 2006
Subscribed through September 27, 2009

If they are NOT a paid subscriber it will just give the sign up date.

Or you can just simply hover your mouse over a user name, like plantladylin name above, it tells me when she joined and that she's a subscriber.
I hope the plant does well for you and you enjoy it's gift to your garden. Some of my favorite plants are those shared to me from other DG members, even when I get unknowns, they are a wonderful surprise, maybe not always what was expected but I do try to make room for them to evaluate them, either in a pot at first or into the ground. I feel they are special for the reason that someone did want to share them.

LOL, Sue ... that is so much easier! I keep forgetting about the "hover over username" feature ... older and blonde here! ^_^

Thanks for the subscriber info - hover and otherwise! ^_^

I apologise for being off topic, but how do you get that "hover" feature to work? Nothing happens when I hover over user names.
Thanks!

It should work...Just take your cursor and point at the blue name in the box to the left. It takes a milisecond to pop up. Yours indicates that you are a subscriber who joined in 2004:)

Try leaving your cursor there for a few seconds--sometimes it takes a couple seconds to show up (and if your internet connection is slower, it may take even a few more seconds)

Hm, left it there for a count of 30 and nothing happened. I'll ask hubby, he has computer locked down pretty tight for safety.

The hover hasn't worked at all for me for a while, but I also have that pesky "Done, but with errors on page" message wherever I go in DG.

50glee,

You may well have traded for Elliott's Aster which is in the aster Symphyotrichum elliotii family rather than the stokesia family.

I have several Elliott's Aster here and have read they are a sub-shrub. Some of mine are now 4 feet tall and have not bloomed for the season yet. It looks as though these will do well in your area too.

Although I am guilty of NOT using the proper botanical names, I am well aware using "common names" can lead to much misunderstanding when trading.

I don't want to make light of this trading mishap, as I have had a few of my own, I just thought I recognized the plant you received and wanted to let you know what it might be.

Molly

MollyMc
- thank you for your assistance! I have checked the various varieties of asters and stokesia family leaves.
- mine is neither.

i had hoped sender would provide some info or re-send right plant.
was told the correct plants were shipped. but ive not received any.
sender shares: their plants are now potted for swaps and rest for themselves . . .

yes i did want what was discussed. but we all want to be Billionaires too! ^_^
maybe next time things will work out differently.

bottom line:some plant matter was dug up and shipped to me.
it fells good to acknowledge the bounties of ones heart to just ship to an unknown person.
Prior to this trade and posting in this forum i had not given that proper thought/consideration.

While appreciative of whatever i have - i am cannot, in clear conscience, plant these unknown plants.
Im in a development and some plants are invasive in my zone.

I am in continual marvel at the kind gesture of shipping of shipping whatever you have to a persons youve never met. . . and I thank all in this discussion.
Some present health issues are taking front stage and ive little time or interest to quibble over why things occur.
Suffice to say im thankful to have learned this lesson.

Thanking all for your patience and understanding in helping me see the big picture
- stokesia or not. ^_^