Don't really need advice, just want to talk

Me, too.

You're in my thoughts as well. Hope your alright.

Karen

Thinking of you and your family. Prayers and hugs to you all. Barb

not to take away from another persons pain... but we went to a funeral for a woman that Randy calls his Aunt... and is actually the wife of his fathers best friend... they had a small ceremony in the funeral home and the family read letters from all of her 7 children, grandchildren and great grand kids

all soooo very touching ... I only met the woman twice and the letters made me cry like a baby... then as one of her kids was reading short goodbyes from the grands.... the one wrote "you will always be my cracka lackin granma lama ding dong"... the whole house broke out in laughter... she was a wonderful woman that took care of everyone else first... the model human... what a great send off she had today and I do feel blessed to have met her prior to her illness ... and hope you all can crack a smile over that statement from the kid!

That's really cute, Allison!!!

Karen

Hi Pam, sorry to hear about your mom... just read this today... strange that its 3 am and I have to go to work in 2 hours...but I can't sleep and maybe this is the reason why... so I could see this post... I honestly believe God leads people into our lives sometimes just to pray for us... so I am praying for you right at this moment... ah, life is so short... no matter how we look at it... it's never enough time it seems...

a garden is trully a healing place....

big hug

Kassia

Thanks so much everyone, your thoughts and prayers mean a lot to me. My mother came home from the hospital Friday and has been under hospice home care since. I drove back to WV from MA today and my sister is still with my mom. DH and I are looking for a small place for my sister and my mother to live here in town so she can be with her daughters at the end. We're also setting up hospice care here. If there are angels walking around on earth I am absolutely convinced that they are nurses and hospice workers.

I'm exhausted and probably not completely coherent right now, please bear with me. :)

pam

Great to hear, Pam. Get some well-deserved rest. Don't forget you and your sister when awarding wings.

((Pam)) so everyone would be in WV? Sounds like it might work. Where are you guys from originally, there or here? Hugs to all, you are real troopers! I hear you on the possibly incoherent thing - been there, felt that (incoherent). Try to rest/sleep, please. (DH always says "get some sleep" and I always want to say "I want more than some, I want plenty, or a lot, or at least enough!")

Glad to hear she's home and that Hospice will be with all of you. Blessings and hugs!

hope you get some rest Pam.... glad to hear she is home and I hope your search for a place is quick and easy

Hugs for you and family. I'm glad hospice is on board. They definitely are angels. Please do get the needed rest. Hoping the housing search goes well.

Yes, although we're originally from Essex MA my sister and I now work and live in WV. My mother actually wants to leave her old house (she never felt much attraction for it, I think) and live with us in WV, rather than have my sister and I move back up to MA. Which makes things easier on our end, since we won't have to take unpaid leave and I won't have to leave my son behind.

I'm trying to sleep, but my brain won't let me, so I'm usually up at 2 or 3 in the morning. *yawn* I feel hungry but I don't want to eat, which is HIGHLY unusual for me, but I do manage to snarf down something on a semi regular basis just to keep going. DH has been FANTASTIC, he has his annoying moments during regular life but he sure comes through in a crisis. :)

Off to make phone calls...thanks again everyone for being there. :)

pam

And we will continue to be here. So glad to hear you have good support on your home front. That is a blessing in itself. Please keep us posted on how things are going. We are praying for you and your family.

Dear Pam, how sad and heartbreaking. I am so sorry. I have to tell you that I lost my mom early last year after a long illness. I started a huge perennial garden last spring, adding whatever was in bloom as the months went by. It was very therapeutic to get out there between hospital visits. I poured my grief out into that soil with my bare hands. I finally finished my planting in the fall with 1000 bulbs. I received a 5 foot angel statue from a friend as a Christmas present. She now graces my garden, in memory of my mom. Here in MA. those 1000 bulbs are just starting to wake up and it lifts my spirits tremendously to see those small heads peaking out of the soil. Life does go on, and my plants remind me of how much I loved my mom. I feel closer to her somehow when I am in the garden.
God Bless....Jenny Anne

That's a LOT of bulbs, Jenny Anne!

Wow, Jenny Anne, that's wonderful. I take care of the gardens my late mother left behind at my Dad's house, and I'm constantly reminded of her while working in them. I have done a lot of renovating and expanding, and it gets better every year. I'm always thinking how she must be looking down at everything from Heaven and smiling at all the work my sister and I have put into it since she passed on.

Pam, glad to hear things are calming down somewhat, and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts. I wish you and your family all the best.

Karen

Pam, just dropping by to say 'Hi' and let you know im thinking of you. Hope the apt. hunting and getting settled in is going well and not to stressful.
Take care,
Celeste

Thanks
Here's the latest in the soap opera of my mother's impending demise:
* arranged hospice in WV, found apartment in WV, moved stuff in but didn't sign lease (lost in the mail, of all things). Sister is taking care of mom at home in MA.
* sister calls, mom is in bad pain, she's admitted to the hospice house in Danvers, looks like the end.
* apartment in WV cancelled, stuff moved back out.
* amusing interlude where Pam attempts to build two new raised beds and plant seven fruit trees, 50 bramble saplings, and several hundred seeds in a 48 hour period before driving up to MA again.
* Pam and sister spend all day every day in hospice house (which is actually a very nice place).
* mother stabilizes, pain is controlled, paranoia and dementia still full throttle.
* hospice house has to release my mom because she's now stable, physically if not mentally.
* mother insists on moving to WV, continues to freak any time my dad enters the room or my sister or I leave.
* doctor insists she can't fly, she'll blow a blood vessel on the plane.
* mother freaks at long term care option (which we couldn't afford anyway, holy moly) and refuses to move back to Essex with "that man" (my dad).
* The plan as of now, 6:07 pm April 09 2009, is to drive my mom down to WV in two or three days and put her in our guest room. There is no way she can be in an apartment alone with my sister, even with hospice helping. So we have 3 adults + hospice home care + maybe elder day ? volunteers? private nurses? to watch my mom in some sort of rotation 24/7. How this will affect my four year old son, I don't even want to think about.

I am going to kill myself, sooner if not later.

*bad words*
*bad words*
*bad words*

pam

so sorry it's such a rough road for you... i know it's easier said than done... but try and take it easy.. will be praying it will all work out

Oh Dear, Pam. I am so sorry to hear that you are facing such stress. I wish I had some great words of wisdom or comfort for you, but all I can say is that I am thinking of you and sending you thoughts of strength and patience and some time to enjoy the things that keep you sane and make you happy. This too shall pass, but the road takes so many twists and turns, doesn't it?

Sending you hugs!
Louise
PS - one thing I did learn with my own Mom in a similar situation......you must learn to hate the illness but love

Awe geez, stress isn't even the right word here....OVER LOAD is more appropriate. I'm so sorry!
As for your son, be as honest as possible for his age....kids are resilent for the most part, thank goodness!

You go ahead and say all the bad words you want to! You deserve to say what ever you want and i'll pray for some sort of peace and stability for you and your family.
Celeste

Pam - sorry, the message flew to you before I finished the sentence....."hate the illness but love your mother through this" was what I wanted to share.
Louise

Ugh - so sorry to hear this, Pam.

Big hugs, dear Pam.
I agree with what Donniebrook said. I'm glad you will have your garden to destress yourself. Speaking from experience of being there 24/7 you MUST have some me time. I'm getting better at it. Know that we are here anytime you need us.
Jan

Oh, Pam, and also your poor Dad. He must feel so hurt by all this. To have stood by your Mom all this time and to be shut out by her must be so hard for him. Will he be going to WVA too? Hospice will help you so that you have time with your son I'm sure. They really try hard to accomodate the family's needs. Please keep us posted when you can and keep our thoughts and prayers in your heart.

That paranoia is the most hurtful part. In the case of my Mom, it was my younger sister and her kids that became the scapegoats. Whenever my Mom hid things because of the paranoia, she would then forget that she had hidden them and then my sister, etc. would constantly be accused of stealing things. So hurtful!! Sorry your Dad is having to go through this, Pam. My friend just went through this with her husband who just died 2 weeks ago from early onset Alzheimers. When she would visit him, he would act like she wasn't there, and when their kids or others came, he was very alert and responsive. Just too unfair.

I usually lurk on here but I wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you and saying a prayer for your family.

Ugh is right, poor sweet Pam! And hugs for your DS and DH. (I just noticed "hug" and "ugh" are almost spelled the same way.) Sounds like a tough situation for everyone involved, from your dad down to your four-year-old. When did she first become ill? That's how long you have all been grieving!

Working in the garden can be very healing. It also helps because it provides physical exercise. When I"m stressed or sad, Iike to go and walk in the peach tree orchards near my home. There is something about the trees that makes me feel safe. Somehow, it makes you feel the connection between man, nature and, for me ----God.