Give Your Opinion Please

Here it is. My Mom has alzheimer's and she is really forgetful. My Dad died 2 years ago and I was supposed to be the one to take care of things but he changed that about 3 weeks before he died to my Sister. Well I guess I understand that because of all my physical problems I would not be able to do it as well as she. My Mother has cats and of course they are very important to her. One day around the first of the year she called and said she didn't have much cat food left and didn't think she had any money.
I sent her $10.00 for gosh sake. My Sister took that to mean that I thought she was spending my Mom's money and told me she never wanted to talk to me anymore. Here is my question: Should I call her or not??

Yes....what is going on in your family is extremely stressful. I would use it as an opportunity to talk about how easily misunderstandings can happen and problem solve on how to avoid them. Taking care of someone with Alzheimers is a huge job... your sister and your mother need you. Wishing you strength and blessings. Dee

By all means fix this relationship now. When your mother is no longer around you and your sister are going to need each other extremely. I know from personal experience about the rivalry between sisters. It took my sister and me 30 years to finally get along. I look now at how much we missed so don't let this happen to the two of you.

call her. tell her you love her.

Call NOW HoniBee, none of us is promised tomorrow!

"eyes"

Call I went thru alot with my family when my mother was dying of brain cancer. I was the one that was taking care of her because my sister and bother were both in college and had jobs, my dad was working to support us and I was in highschool. I held alot of resentment towards all of them for that. Now after all this time I am grateful that I was the one who did it. Please understand your sister is going thru a great deal as well as you are. She may be harboring resentment at the moment and lashing out at you on as a last resort. I am not saying she was right and you were wrong I would have done the same as you did. Just saying Im sure her emotions are on her sleeve so to speak.
Hope this helps.

If your Mother has Alzhimers, she may have told you that she had no money, even that your sister took it, even if it not true. If your sister is now in charge, she has to have control of checkbooks etc. in order to pay your Mom's bills. Alzhimers patients do get very defensive and accusative. My Mother was this way. She even accused my son of taking her jewelry, we found it where she had stuck it under her dresser. She accused my husband of trying to poison her, said he put "blue powder" in her tea - it was sweetner. This is truly the hardest affliction to deal with, remember this only affects the caregivers, not the person who has it.

I can't imagine that Your Mom still lives alone in this condition, this can be very dangerous for her.

You are fortunate to have a sister that is willing and hopefully able to take on this responsibility. Tell her you know she wouldn't take all her money, this is a very common accusation. You two need each other now more than ever, I had no sister to share the problems with. Best wishes and God bless you all.

Call her! A sister is a precious person to have and this is clearly a misunderstanding. Sometimes aging parents can play one against the other, too, my father did it when he was dying of cancer and I moved in to take care of him. He told my sister the reason I moved in was because I was struggling financially... but what was really happening was he could not take care of himself any more as he was getting sicker and sicker with lung cancer.

I almost lost my sister over the misunderstandings and miscommunications during the time mom and dad were sick. But the Lord helped us reconcile and she is such a precious friend. It's worth swallowing your pride and saying you're sorry for the mixup (that's not the same as saying you're sorry for anything else) and that you miss her... love her... want her in your life.

It may take some healing time but you will likely get your sister back as a better buddy than before.

I wish you all the best in this endeavor and pray that God will make your path straight to reconciliation.

Love in Christ,
Janie
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Honi

You're sister may not be able to deal with the pressure at the moment and has become sensetive about it as she may feel she has to do all the coping. Careing for the sick is tough emotionally and she may feel she has no one to support her. If your mother asks for anything again, contact your sister first and sort it out that way. Any mental illness can cause a lot of problems which are not truely meant.

Call her, don't let it go on any longer and keep in touch with her as much as possible. $10 or $million is not worth all this hassle. Its not going to be easy for either of you, but please try. Whether your sister admits it or not she will need your support and sometimes its going to involve a petty squabble.

Several of my family have not had contact with a another family member for 10 years. The problems it causes the rest of my family is impossible to describe. Don't let this happen in your family.

Diane, If you are afraid she will refuse your call, or even worse, slam the phone down on you, you could always print this out and mail it to her. There is a lot of good advice here and it came from others that have dealt with the same ordeals. Unfortunately I too know first hand that there are three things that can drive a big wedge between family members. Those things are illness, death and money. If the person that is ill, is also confused, like with Alzheimers, she could be saying anything and she isn't responsible for it. Hopefully your sister can understand that your mom told you she wanted some money and you tried to help. Sometimes when people are confused it is easier to give them what they want (within reason) than it is to have them upset. Maybe she just needed to have a few dollars in her hand? My grandma died nine years ago in a terrible car accident. My mother hasn't spoken to me since. Part of the reason is because my mother and grandmother couldn't get along. Another reason is that I stayed with my Grandpa for a week and helped him get things in order. The other reason is that my mother thinks I benefitted it from it financially. The insane part of that? My Grandma was only sixty and her husband was sixty-five. He could live another forty years or better and need every cent for his own care. She didn't seem to rationalize this. Now it is nine years later, and she doesn't know any of my four girls. Even worse, she has kept things very strained for me and my brother. No one has won a thing in this situation. I hope you and your sister can work through things. Your sister is probably just stressed out and felt like you criticized her care of your mother. Try to let her know you just wanted to make your mom not worry, even if she did't have a good reason to worry anyway. Life is too short.
Hugs to you.
Michele

i had 5 sisters when i was younger..3 older ones/half sisters and 2 full sisters...now i have my 2 full sisters and the one sister i have barely ever seen is making a effort to be my sis!
the othe 2half sisters i havent talked to in 4yrs and i truly dont care if i ever do. They were upset over my parents will-and they were very petty! All over $$$$.
We were never that close-they were much older than I, their children were my age! I dont need the head ache! They have tried to cause trouble all my life and Im glad they are out of it now! My other sisters feel the same way. I luv my 2full sisters with all my heart-i would die for either one of them. My oldest sister I dont even know-42 years have past and its kinda hard to think of her as a sister. Search your heart-if you miss her and want her back in your life-make the effort,if not "life goes on".
Good Luck,
dori

I want to thank all of you for your post. The thing is I would like to call her but she is always mad. She has hung up on me serveral times in the past but this is the first time she said she never wanted to talk to me again.

I guess since I am b------g I might as well keep going. When my Dad died my Sister went in and took everything that belonged to him (clothes and other things) and threw them out. She keeps getting rid of things. My Mom's house doesn't look at all like it use to. I tried to tell her that it made Mom upset for her to do that. She said she doesn't even know she did it. I tried to tell her that she does but it doesn't help. I could go over there once in a while and do a few easy things but then she wants to know if I think she isn't taking care of Mom. I don't know what to do because she has control of everything.