This is sad but if you can help, pls read post here

I have a gardening friend who is terribly lonely during the holidays. She is not married, has no children. She is a lovely woman, intelligent, generous and yes, stubborn. She will not accept her friends' invitations to join them for the festivities. She has told me and others that she'd feel out of place but that she loves us and is grateful for the thought. Nobody should be so sad and she is sad, not her usual bubbly self.

Do you have suggestions about what she could do for the holidays? She likes to cook, she loves gardening and adores animals. See? a lovely woman. We once tried to fix her up w/ a guy and it was a disaster for both of them, lol. I think she's quite happy and set in her singles way but still, I think the holidays are pretty tough. This one has me stumped.

Can you just pack up some goodies and go to her on Christmas Eve or a little while on Christmas day? Just spend "some time" with her.........that would be a wonderful gift if you could manage it.

I was thinking the same thing. Then, too, you could ask her to make something for your dinner and let her know how everyone liked it. That might help for next year. When you go with your request, take someone who will be with you on Xmas so she'll know someone besides you.

My mother was a stubborn woman. Getting them somewhere is like moving boulders. ☺ Difficult but not impossible.

If it won't interfere with your own plans, maybe you can go out somewhere public (movie? zoo?) during the holidays and invite her along. That way she won't feel like she's imposing on your own family time, but she'll still feel included.

Here are a few ideas:

**If she is open to uninvited guests, her friends could just drop by now and then. Some folks love uninvited people and some of them hate it.
**Gather up a few toys to give to kids that are in government custody (or gather goodies for unwanted pets in the local adoption center), then ask her to go with you to help you carry the items. Make her feel needed and she will probably have a bundle of fun.
**Get a group together to go Christmas caroling at her house/apartment. Bring along some hot cocoa/chocolate.
**Create your own traditions that include your friend and then do them every year.
**Throw a Beach Party or Hawaiian Party (not even the traditional Christmas or New Years, etc.)
**Asking for her help with whatever you are doing should make her feel a part of the fun instead of extra baggage.
Anyway, just a few ideas. Of course, she may have huge reasons to be sad at this time of the year; bad memories, sad anniversaries, poverty...the list goes on. I brainstorm well...LOL
April

thanks everyone. Marylyn I really like your idea. we go out of town for the holidays but I/other gals could make time to go to see holiday lights, zoo, yes, I like that. And like all you said, a "girls" Christmas tradition, something that is her deal. Yes, I like that.

She does a lot of baking for a couple of senior centers and plays the piano for them so it's not like she doesn't try. Also, I'm doing my own baking, so maybe I can tell her we can double up and make deliveries together. hmmm. I just know my friend and can sense her heart aching this time of year. I ache for her. And I'm sure she's not alone.

thank you and Merry Christmas to you, may there be warmth, peace and love in your heart.

nery, you are one sweet girlie.

maybe you could invite her to your house for a "cooking lesson". i'm sure you are a superb cook, but make like you need some hints in something like cookies, pies, whatever. maybe an afternoon of two gals in the kitchen would bring her joy. pop open a bottle of wine too....or sparkling cider and have some nice christmas music playing, like sinatra or some other oldies.

Thanks, Deb. that reminds me, I don't know what got into hubby, but Sunday he up and started baking cookies. He's never done that before and I kept watching him wondering what on earth had gotten into him and how soon before he got inspired to do laundry, vaccum carpet, etc, lol.

Anyway, he used the oatmeal cookie recipe shown in the box and added orange flavored craisins. They are wonderful and we're eating them like I need extra padding in my rear. I love that man!

OK everybody, don't be sad anymore. I think I see the light and creating friend traditions is the way to go. Maybe you have a friend in that situation and this thread will provide some ideas.

gotta love a man who cooks! (something besides bar-b-que)!

I am a person alone. But I am never lonely. If I feel I am getting too stir crazy, I go shopping - looking not buying. Friends have invited me to dinner - Id really rather not go. I enjoy my own company. To please friends I have gone to dinner _ passed out and wound up in the hospital from low blood sugar. This doesn't happen when I am in my own routines. I have gone to their churches. The singing was nice. but nicer to get back home.

What I have really enjoyed is a tour of a friends garden, going out to dinner & conversation, visiting friends at the nursing home.

But what I enjoy most is working in my yard and walking with my dogs.

So I think if you invited the person to dinner, she would really enjoy the conversation.

If people enjoy church, it is especially nice to participate in the Christmas music.

I have to agree with Gloria on that one.Just because a person is alone does not mean they are lonely.I am alone most of the time but, very happy and have many, many things to keep me busy.I have stained glass, pottery, sewing,, magazines, books, what else do I need.Then, I can always clean out the horse corral or pull weeds or whatever. And I really do enjoy being by myself. I like me !
I enjoy all your comments, you people are just the greatest!!!
JoAnne

I had lunch w/ my friend today and I thought about you Gloria. I think she is like you and JoAnne, quite comfortable in her own skin. Yes, she might be a little sad but also yes, she is perfectly capable to lead a satisfying life during the holidays. I might have overreacted and been overprotective of her. She was fine today and in fact, being a little naughty.

You are quite right, alone is not lonely and surrounded by people does not always mean being embraced in love/friendship. Still, I am fond of my friend and like to smother her w/ affection sometimes. We are doing some baking friday and doing good-will gallivanting afterwards. That was great advice. thanks.

jcoats: I like me! Oh. Yes.

It took a long time to get here, but why didn't I know this when I was 17?

Of course people need to socialize, but the best thing is to be comfortable in your own skin.

Vossner: You must be a wonderful friend. And nothing is more important - to a person alone - or anyone for that matter. What a joy to just get together and celebrate each other! Naughty? Now that is intriguing.

naughty: I am disclosing NOTHING, lol

Sounds like FUN!

speaking from experience, i can absolutely say that, yes, nery is a wonderful friend. i count myself extremely lucky to know her. she's smart, sweet, intuitive, joyful and very down to earth while at the same time possessing a woman of the world attitude. i love her. debi

awe, thanks Deb. I'm embarrassed, but in a good, very good kinda way.

i'm full of christmas spirit and there's enough to go around.

How fortunate your friend is to have someone who cares so much for her. I wish I felt "connected" to a friend or family.
This can be a very lonely time of year, even for those who are active in church and usually "comfortable in their own skin".
Being a part of family, loving and being loved, the presence of laughter and wonder can be extremely painful and sad feelings or memories when they are not a present part of ones life.
I am comforted best by focusing of Jesus and remembering that He is the Head of my family and I am His waiting Bride. When I listen to Bible messages.of His love for me, I find that the sadness and loneliness are not at all on my mind.

Bless you, Nery..you are a very special person...your friend is lucky to have you worrying about her.

Just a thought if she is computer savvy ...join her up to daves garden as a christmas gift ...a whole world full of friends here!
Tell her we said hi! ^_^

Wow, that DG membership gift is a fantastic idea., I have met some of the nicest people here. In fact, most of the cards Ihave received lately are from my wonderful DG buddies!