had to share this story

I will and thank you for the offer Memory

I would think a memory garden would be very comforting for her. That's a lovely idea. How are you doing with the pain of this shock now, Allison. I can't stop thinking about you and Ellie.

coming to terms with it a bit more now.... it still is hitting me in waves.... getting numb about it now and then

I still can't believe he is gone

It's going to take time, Allison. That's not something we can get over quickly.

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your friend, Allison. Suicide is such a hard thing to come to grips with. I guess the person is in such anguish they can't see beyond it to know the kind of emotional devastation they leave behind with their loved ones. It's really tragic, and I hope you all can get thru it in time.

thank you .... been here before... and will be again

just the way it is..... but no less thank you

Allison, that idea for a memory garden is great. One of my friend's just recently had to put to sleep a beloved cat, and even though he was very old and she was expecting him to go soon, it was still painful for her. She planted a garden in his memory.

Another of my friend, who lost her son to suicide, also planted a little garden in his memory, and she put up a memorial stone for him.

When my mother died of cancer we spread her ashes in her daylily seedling bed in the back. One of my sister's had a memorial plaque made for her that we keep in the garden. I keep that garden planted with her seedlings that she hybridized, and soon I plan to register a number of them in her name. Her goal had been to register her hybrids, but the cancer stopped those plans. Now I will finish it for her, and I intend to do some hybridizing myself, as well. I've been collecting lots of daylily seeds this year and plan to direct sow them in late fall for them to germinate this coming spring.

Karen

Very nice, Karen.

that is really nice.... what a great thing to do

My thoughts are with you. As everyone has already said, one never knows what was in your friend's soul at the time. I'm sure everyone has had moments that they can reflect back upon and wonder why they reacted or felt the way they did. No matter what anyone said, you had to go through it on your own. Unfortunately, some just can't get past it. I hope those that are left behind find the strength they need.

thank you dear

Good for you, Karen. That is such a nice thing to do for your mother!

Still thinking a lot about you, Allison.

Louise

thank you Louise... it must be all of your thoughts and prayers making dealing with this a lot easier... thank you all

I'm also still thinking about you, Allison. I hope that the healing continues for you, even as you still grieve for your dear friend. My prayer is that the good memories you shared will eventually overwhelm the sad ones of his death. But this will take time.

This is kind of personal. I also wanted to thank all those of you who discussed memory gardens because your comments have resolved something I've been struggling with. My dad died in 2005 and I have some of his ashes. I just couldn't decide how best to honor him by scattering them someplace meaningful to him. My beloved father was SO not a gardener, but it suddenly occurs that this doesn't matter. . . I can still honor him with a special garden bed in his honor, with plants that celebrate his gifts and talents. For instance, he was a physician: herbs and medicinal plants!! He was a North Dakota boy: prairie wildflowers!! I can't wait to get started by preparing the bed for next Spring's planting.

Allison, you shared your emotions so honestly and poignantly. Thank you.

My husbands ex wifes boyfriend jumped off a bridge. I got the call and had to sit the kids down and tell them. People do what they do. Nothing is perfect in this world. Sometimes they cant or wont take it back. Its nobody's fault except their own.

Sounds like a great idea, Emily. Sorry to hear that, Sherrie. I'm not convinced it's the fault of the person who commits suicide, nor convinced it's a selfish act. Who knows the depths that people feel unless you have been there yourself. It's tragic for sure, but I'm not one to condemn. A good friend of my BIL just committed suicide recently.

All sad stories, any suicides. Sometimes the act is selfish, sometimes not. As some have said, we don't know what goes through another person's head. Some people can deal with life better than others. And sometimes you think a person is handling life very well, but inside is a different story. You just don't know what will make an individual snap.

Emily, that does sound like a great idea for a memory garden for your Dad. My father is not an avid gardener like my mother was, but he does like to help with the yard work to keep busy. With his dementia there is only so much he can do, as it's difficult for him to stay on task, since he quickly forgets the task I've gotten him started on, and I don't always have time to supervise, as I've got so much to do in the gardens myself. That aside, my sisters, brother and I will probably put his ashes in the garden with my mother's, and probably put in a memorial garden for him. I pretty much consider all of our gardens here memorial's for my mother, as she started most, and I've kept them up or renovated them, as well as added more. My sis in Alaska put in a memorial garden for her at her place in Alaska. My sis Wanda in Texas will probably do the same once she finishes her new house. I think remembering someone with a garden is great.

Karen

Emily sorry for your loss and your plan sounds just perfect... what a nice way to honer him

Allison, are you up this early?

yes I am

guess too much sitting around yesterday... and can't wait to get out to see what sort of damage we have out there

I hope it's not too bad.

still to dark to tell.. but I know there were a ton of small branches all over ... soon see

:)

Emily .... perfect!

Allison ... glad you are OK, and Hanna didn't do too much damage around you.

I hope all you good folks here came through the recent storm with minimal damage! On the Cape we had drenching rain and some wind, but today (Sunday) is gorgeous!

I'm so excited about my dad's memorial garden, which I would never have gotten inspired to do without this particular thread. I posted on the Upper Midwest Forum, asking for "Dakota suggestions," and in typical DG fashion, people sent some great suggestions. And one poster suggested checking PlantFiles for "Dakota" as a search term. I couldn't believe how many great ideas came up.

I'm gonna go out and see what needs to be re-staked outside.

Emily, that's a great idea.

I love your decision to plant a memory garden for your Dad, Emily. When the time comes in the spring, I'm sure your DG pals - myself included - might enjoy sending you seeds or plants that you would want for his garden. I especially love the idea of healing herbs in it since he was a physician. Such a lovely thing to do!
Louise

Thank you, dear DonnieBrook.

Well, Emily, it is the least I can do after enjoying a huge tomato tonight from the heirloom you gave me at the RU! It was Deeelicious!! Thank you!!

Oh Louise, that's nice to know! Thanks!
Allison, I hope that each day is bringing you some measure of peace.

yes it is.... thank you and everyone for your support... you guys are the best

Allison, be ready for a big hug on Sat. Have been thinking of you.

Emily, that will be such a legacy. The healing herbs are a terrific idea.

Good for you guys!!!! I love memory gardens... I did one last year with dahlias for my grandmother... and it was really pretty... but I decided to do with roses because the silly tubers died ... so I did roses... and next year I know it will look fabulous... tons of Austin roses... and yes, Celeste and Pirl gave me irises that are planted there, Dave 47 gave me a flox (that by the way is blooming) and daylilies are also planted there.... cant wait for next spring!

Kassia, I bet that will look great next year. No surprise that the dahlia's died. They aren't hardy here. Have to dig them and store the bulbs. I don't grow anything that needs to be dug up in the fall. I have too much other work to do already.

Karen