Why it is better to be a man(sigh)

It's Better to be a Man
Your last name stays put .
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
You don't give a darn if someone notices your new haircut.
You never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too
icky.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So, notice anything
different?"
One mood, ALL the darn time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
Dry cleaners and hair stylists don't rob you blind.
You can leave the motel bed unmade.
You can kill your own food.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your
friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
Everything on your face stays its original color.
You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You don't have to clean your apartment if the maid is coming.
You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
thinking: "He must be mad at me."
You don't mooch off other's desserts.
You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
become lifelong friends.
You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You don't have to shave below your neck.
Your belly usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
in 45 minutes.

Don't know about that last one, Lisa. I mean, 45 minutes sound like an awfully long time. You must be including the time spent in traffic. :>)

But, speaking of gender-specific rules,

How come we have to put the toilet seat down?

Who determined that taking out the trash is mens work?

How come all that frilly, lacy stuff you wore when we were courting magically transformed into flannel, overnight, when we got married?

And how come we have to pretend that Hillary is a lady?

Men can also go to the bathroom alone...

Uhmm, Brook...don't you see the frilly stuff..it is right there, right beside you guys manner book, you know the one, opening the car doors, bringing flowers just because, doing stuff without having to ask 20 times!!! hee, hee,(i know, i am opening up a can of worms here...) Lisa

Flowers just because? There's never a just because.

Who was it said that money was the worlds best aphrodisiac but that flowers ran it a close second?

As for the rest, I'll tell you a true story. When I still (shudder) lived in New York I was on the subway one day, and stood up to offer a lady my seat. She sounded off on me, saying, "young man, I am not so feeble yet that I have to sit while others stand. I apologized, turned to get back in my seat, and found some punk in it, sneering at me to do something about it.

So, you're [profanity removed]ed if you do and [profanity removed]ed if you don't.

BTW, when is the last time you _waited_ to have a door held open for you? If you want to be treated as a lady, then you act the role. You'll be surprised how fast men get the message. Next time you go out, just stand by the car door. Don't say a word, just stand there. I'll bet you your husband will come around and open it for you.

I'll tell you the grand truth about men. We may be dumb, but we're not stupid.

Brook, just had to "pull your leg some". My DH still opens the doors for me and still brings me flowers...now, if I can just him to take out the garbage...hmmmm, maybe I'll have to dust off the lacy stuff..(chuckle) Lisa

Oh boy, I may need to get up on my soapbox _again_ today...Dave's going to hide my soapbox if I don't behave!

Brook, I sympathize with your story, and I find it very sad.
I'm not going to talk about the feminist movement (or try not to), but rest assured that there are still those of us out there that want ladylike treatment. Dave used to always open the car door for me (just doesn't now because we are always juggling kids). I respect men, and treat them that way. I call them 'sir' even if they are younger than me. I get deeply offended going to my kid's doctor, and having them call me "Trish" instead of Mrs Whitinger. Maybe I am old fashioned, and maybe its not PC, but I think letting the lady have the seat, and other signs of respect are needed, yes, even expected. I still call my aunts and uncles "Aunt and Uncle so-and-so". Unless I'm on a first name basis with someone, they are always Mr and Mrs.

I very clearly remember being very pregnant with my first born and trying to do some Christmas shopping. Not one person ever offered to give me a seat, hold the door for me, much less carry my bags.

Yes, I am shocked and surprised when someone does do these things for me. How awful that this behavior is shocking!! I make double sure to let those people know that they are appreciated. How terrible that today women are offended for someone to give them their seat! Its not about being a woman, its about respect. I would do the same for a little old lady or little old man. When I see these respect shown like this, I have a little more hope for the world. Maybe its not as bad as I think it is.

Keep being the knight in shining armor...you never know when it might truely make someone's day. And wouldn't it be worth seeing some huge, hot, pregnant lady look you in the eye and give you the biggest most thankful smile just because you gave her your seat?

Soapbox number 2 by:
Trish

WHEW! Trish, thanks for saying what I wanted to say...Brook is bigger than me,(i am only 5ft 1, so most folks are) I was getting worried I might have to pull both my feet out my mouth, and run for the hills,err, swamps!...giggle, Lisa

Great list. But there are two really important items missing from your list:

1. Freedom from pantyhose.
2. PMS is only a vicarious experience (of course, you kinda touched on that one with the chocolate and the "one mood" thing...)

Stand by the car door and wait? Yeah, right! Ha! If I don't make it to the car by the time my hubby does, he's backing up without me!!! *lol*

I fear for my generation.

I'm nearly 20 and I go to school at Berkeley. Guys do not hold the door for girls. However, it is part of my policy of non-passive social interaction to extend this courtesy. (A fearsome percentage of the people here are socially inept). I almost never receive thanks although often I do receive strange looks.

On the more positive side, 3 separate girls held the door for me today.

What a crazy world!

Mike

Brook the reason why men are expected to put the toilet seat down is because that is the only job that women really expect from their husband. (we want to make you guys feel like you actually participate in running the household)
The reason the lace turns into flannel is because the wives are often EXAUSTED at the end of the day....probably because we fit 2 days into one. Especially the women who work outside the home then come home to fit all the housework into the night hours. If the men want lace then perhaps they could....do something...anything... to help around the house and surely the wife would feel like wearing lace.
Obviously the woman who said she wasnt feeble -WASNT married yet -and being on the train going home from a hard days work had nothing to do but just sit and relax when she returned home. So please dont give up on all women....just look for the wedding band and I am sure you will get a happy reaction.
Last but not least ( and I could go on and on) Dont tell women that housework is womens work because you lose that privilege when you send them to work outside the house.
AAhhhhhh...that felt good.
BTW I do love my husband very much and love being married and thank God I am a women because a man could NEVER live my life!!
Janice

...the house is self-cleaning when you're a man
...you NEVER need to ask directions when lost because you always know where you're going
...lol
Trish

The real reason that we ask for the seat down, is so we don't fall in in the middle of the night. :)

Actually, Dicentra, the reason I'm never lost is because everybody tells me where to go.....;>)

Any other guys thought they bought a house but just got a garage? Peeing in a bucket in NC. Dennis

Lisa
.... a can of worms? More like buckets!
The Southern Gentleman is alive and well and still opens doors, gives up his seat and says " Maam", when he is allowed to do so.
Thank You, Maam !
Bud

AuntyB Im with you! I would get left in the driveway too. What I really want to know is why are we (women) expected to remember where all their (MEN) stuff is. Don't get me wrong I misplace things too, but it's only because he moves them!!

...a can of worms???!!! methinks I uncovered a worm bed!!! Lets go fishin' ya'll! Lisa

Speaking of worms... I was tilling up one of Trish's front flower beds today. I had the pick-ax out to border the area to make it look nice and neat, and control grass.

Anyway, I turned over a piece of grass and there were 7 - count 'em - 7 earthworms in a 6" square piece of soil.

Unbelievable!!

OK, I know I'm new here, but let's make a few corrections;
"Your last name stays put . " ... My DW has called me a lot of things, but "put" was never one of them.
"You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park."...White T-shirt, no white T-shirt, I don't mind what women wear to the water park! (evil grin!!) (and yes, my wife WILL slap me upside the head when she reads these comments!LOL!)
"Car mechanics tell you the truth."...only if they think that you know about cars, or you are more than capable of knocking the snot out of them if you catch them in a lie!
"You don't give a darn if someone notices your
new haircut. "...Yes, but as the years progress, we need less freguent hair cuts. Would you rather be in this position? Currently I can get by with one every three months!!
"Wedding Dress $5000; Tux rental $100."...but, we are giving up our lives, as we knew them. It's only fair we get a break.(here comes another whack!!!LOL!)
"People never stare at your chest when you're
talking to them. "... Any man that stares directly at a woman's chest, while conversing, should be ashamed of himself....he should kinda just use periferal vision. And anyway..like I haven't overheard women talking about men's butts!!! You don't stare during a conversation, because the you cannot see it, while face to face!!!
"The occasional well-rendered belch is
practically expected. "....men produce more gas(call it hot air, if you prefer), which is unhealthy to keep pent up in the body, and must be expelled.
"New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet. "...Well, uh, from some shows that have been on TV, I see there ARE men who suffer from the high heeled, women's shoe problems!
"One mood, ALL the darn time. "...at least you know what to expect each day, and don't need to cringe as you try to determine your spouse's daily outlook. It's kind of like playing Russian Roulet(sp?)!
"Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds
flat. "...not true! I have it down to ten!....'yeah...uhhuh...yeah....good...OK, bye'
"You know stuff about tanks."...but, do women really WANT to know anything about tanks???
"
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase."...here again, you are a bit misinformed.Five days requires only three pairs of shorts, two pair of socks, two pairs of pants and three shirts. Hair care items are optional(refer to "haircuts" above). All of which can easily fit in a good sized gym bag. No suitcase needed.
"You can leave the motel bed unmade"...you're supposed to make it??! That would put someone out of a job, wouldn't it? Besides, we don't make it at home, why should we do it where someone is actually paid to do it?
"You can kill your own food."...you have not been to my friend's home. His wife can "kill" any meal. Along with your appetite!LOL!
"If someone forgets to invite you to
something, he or she can still be your
friend."...men don't have things that require invitaions. If you want to go, just show up!
"Three pairs of shoes are more than enough."....three? Why so many?
"You don't mooch off other's desserts. "...only because, we are likely to get stabbed with a fork if we do.
"
You don't have to stop and think of which way
to turn a nut on a bolt. "....OK, here's the 'male' secret to this. "Righty-tighty, lefty-loosey"....sorry guys, I had to let one secret out!
"You almost never have strap problems in
public. "...not true. I am often strapped for money while out.
"You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes."...that's because we do not look in a mirror before leaving the house.
"The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe
decades. "...I WISH I still had the same hairstyle as a few years ago!!LOL!
"You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. "....wire cutters work too.
"You have freedom of choice concerning
growing a mustache. "...I'm really happy when a woman believes this to be true.
"Christmas shopping can be accomplished for
25 relatives, on December 24th,
in 45 minutes. "...thanks to online shopping, it's half of this!

Now, just so nobody gets offended, everything that I have said, is said in done in humor. Please don't misunderstand me. I am very, very happily married to the woman of my dreams, and would do it all again(in a instant), if I had to. She is the love of my life, and I would be lost without her.

And hopefully, the above paragraph will lessen the 'slaps upside my head', for posting all this!!LOL!!!

Minnie,

>Please don't give up on all women<

Give up on them? Far from it. If women aren't the best thing ever put on this earth they run whatever is a very close second.

But the fact is, men and women are different species living in a synergistic relationship. How else explain their totally different mind-sets and world-views?

Now then, if, as you say, putting the seat down is a trade off for all those other things, then I guess I can stop doing it. The truth is, I, and thousands of other men, see our marragies as a partnership, and do just as much around the house as our spouses.

My wife doesn't work because I sent her off to a job (God, that was about the most demeaning thing I've ever heard) but because she wants to work. She returns, at day's end, to a hot meal, soft music, and a kiss. And, quite frankly, I can't remember the last time she touched a vacumn cleaner.

This has been a fun thread, overall. But I kind of resent your typification of men as bums living off women.

And, besides which, I cook.

Frank, I was laughing out loud at your remarks!!! That was soooo funny! Hope you didn't get smacked to hard!LOL!!! That was some of the funniest stuff I've read in a long time!

Lisa, how could a little humor open such a can of worms?!! Frank you have a great sense of humor too! - loved your responses.

Seriously, here in our rural area of WV the men still hold doors for us, even the teens will hold the door for a lady. Everyone says thank you, and many still ocassionaly call me Mrs. even after 8 years of friendship.

Our daughter recently commented she thought it was great that her Dad still opened doors for me after almost 28 years of marriage. He's a wonderful guy!

Well, maybe I'm old fashioned! My hubby does open the door for me (even with the kids), he doesn't do much housework but I stay home with the kids. I was raised to clean & cook for my DH. If I worked, I would expect more. He even puts the toilet seat down ALWAYS, and has taught our oldest son to do the same. My dad retired & my mom went to work at a local store, she arrived home yesterday to a candle lit dinner! Now that he's not working, he's happy to pitch in! The flowers just because are showing up again also.

As far as respect....If more of the younger generation had some, there wouldn't be gangs & school shootings!! I could just slap the pooh out of some of these kids who talk to their parents saying "MF" and so on! I guess I will be in jail if my child ever talks to me that way! You can't even spank your own child anymore with out having to face the law. (and no I'm not talking about beating kids - those people should be shot!)

Julie

I buy flowers for my husband at least once a month "just because". And he does put the toilet seat down AND close the lid! Now if I could just get him to take HIS car to garage for the oil change.......

Sharon

Brook
I wasnt saying that men bum off women. I am saying that I know alot families that need two incomes to financially survive and after the woman comes home from work they get no help from their husbands. The husbands just sit there and watch tv. These guys hold onto the old fashioned thinking that "housework is womens work" however they dont hold onto the old fashioned thinking that "no wife of mine is going to work outside of the house".

I am sure there ARE >thousands< of men who help out around the house (not that that is too impressive considering our population LOL) Just kidding.
My first ranting post was actually the result of PMS which is ONE reason why its NOT best to be a man -if your around a PMS-ing woman.

Cute thread! Although I do have to agree with Brooke... not all classifications fit. There are many exceptions. But this was done in good humor, and I think we all appreciate that!! I know I giggles reading it!! (I too hate telephone calls and am working on the 10 seconds maximum!!... and Im not male by far!)

I find my mans pet peaves somewhat endearing... its what makes me smile. I think he enjoys hearing me scream when my behind hits the cold water in the toilet! And we both giggle... as I plot on how to pay him back! I wouldnt have him any other way! ; )

Since the toilet seat seems to be a common problem for a lot of households, I thought I'd mention a product that I once saw. When the seat is in the down position, a red light appears, and when it is up, it shines a green 'target area' into the bowl. I thought this thing was pretty funny. Another solution is to get a puppy. I don't think there was ever a young dog that did not try to drink from the wrong bowl! And if you are like me, this grosses you out, let alone having to possibly sit on a 'drooled on' seat. You will surely learn to put the lid down all the time. Now, the guys might want to kill me for this next suggestion that just entered my mind, but.....if you women have trouble with the 'seat dilema', why not threaten to pee on the floor in front of the toilet if hubby keeps forgeting to lower the seat. Between you and me, I would not actually do it, but if you were to pour some water in front of the toilet, I'd bet that the first time he stepped in it, would be the key to the memory lapse!!!LOL!

Ladies and Gentlemen (I hope). I love the word gentle-man. What does that mean? To be kind, caring, loving, giving. . . It only takes about forty years of marital training, and like magic the toilet seat is raised. Hang in young'uns they'll get it. They're just little boys in large bodies, which is what I love! Wonder why ladies have to grow up and gentlemen don't?
Grits

>wonder why ladies hve to grow up and gentlemen don't?<

It's in the job description. Didn't you read it?

Nay, nay! I didn't read it and it was one of those things my mama forgot to tell me. But then, at 17 I knew everything! My daughter's-in-law think I'm nuts. They get so upset when I even do something so simple as serve my sons coffee, or fix their plates and bring them, etc. hee hee!

For some reason they think the sky will fall! I do it because I LOVE them! It's all a matter of the heart, isn't it? or culture?

I remember the first time we were visiting one of the boys and he was ironing his shirt! I almost fainted. (He ironed the front portion that you could see from his suit jacket and said, "Oh, mama, I keep my jacket on all day anyway, and grinned.")

Oh well, what Southern women won't do for their men *grin*

Blessings, Grits

Let's see. I'm 37, and still have not grown up....I don't plan on it either!!LOL!My hair is turning grey, but I'm not growing up...go figure! But, my sister did just about have a heart attack when she saw me changing my son's diapers, about ten years ago. I'd better go, the boys are down by the sandbox waiting for me!LOL!

You're just a kid, Frank. I'm 57 and still haven't decided what I'm gonna be when I grow up.

Diapers are the one thing I don't do. Did them once. Friend Wife decided she'd rather have the kids live, and I never touched them again.

Ain't too much else I haven't done around the house.

I guess there's lots of role-reversals around here. Take cooking. When we were first married (long ago---we just entered the 35th year of a trial marraige, and we're starting to think it's gonna work out. We'll give it another ten or 15 years, though, to be sure) Friend Wife literally did not know how to cook. That's because she was raised to believe that the _only_ think a lady made for dinner was reservations. I still do most of the cooking around here.

Last time I scalded, butchered, and cured hogs (traditionally woman's work), the only thing she wanted to know was "when will it be ready to eat."

But, by the same token, you ought to see that lady with a flyrod in her hands!

just when I get the rules down....they edit the book :-( Lisa