Passing Thoughts

I was out digging in the yard and my mind started to wonder and with it being close to Christmas I found it wondering to places it had not been in a long time. So I thought I would pass it along. My eldest son was born August 27, 1975 in Philadelphia PA. in a naval hospital, and whom we named Randal Chase, we called him Chase. I was of course a proud young father who also happened to be in the US Navy at the time. Three months after his birth I shipped out for what was to be a 6 month cruise I packed him and his mother up and sent them back home to live with my wife’s parents until I got back, well the 6 month cruise turned into an 18 month boat ride. Finally arriving back in the states I picked up my family and returned to Norfolk VA. where I was stationed until I served the rest of my time until discharged, which by this time Robin was pregnant with my next son. Who was born in October. Because of the separation that had occurred between me and Chase due to my naval obligations a bond that should have formed between us never really occurred as a father and son should. I never treated him differently from his brother there was just never a deep set closeness that existed and I never realized it.

The years passed and Robin blessed me with two more children a daughter and another son. It was the summer of 1989 and I was self employed and Chase was 11 years old and asked if he could ride with me while I worked and I told him it would be alright. As the weeks passed the relationship between us grew as he worked and rode with me from job to job. Time finally came for him to go back to school and we celebrated his 12th birthday as well. In September flu hit the house and all of the kids but Chase was sick so his Grandmother asked if he could spend the weekend with her and maybe avoid getting the bug as well, we said sure why not, so arrangements were made for her to pick him up from school that Friday afternoon. Friday morning he came into my bedroom asking for some money to by lunch with and being half asleep I told him I had some in my pants pocket to help himself. He got the money and said bye dad and I mumbled something back I don’t remember what as he headed out the door.

Saturday came and everyone in the house was fit and well the bug was gone and we had spent the day cleaning house and enjoying our selves as it was a warm and sunny September day. At around 5 that afternoon we were sitting at the table eating an early supper when the phone rang and my mother in-law blurted out screaming and crying that Chase was dead. I dropped the phone and fell to the floor with my mind reeling and trying to comprehend what it was I had just heard. Everything after that for a short while was a blur. Robin was instantly upset and asked what had happen and as I sat on the floor I could only answer in a low voice that my son was dead.

Over the next few days, weeks and admittedly to this very day many years later it haunts me that I did not tell my son that I loved him before he walked out of that room and my life forever. I do not let any of my children or grandchildren leave without making sure that I tell them that I love them in case it will be the last words I ever get say to them.

My daughter has blessed me with two Grandsons and a Granddaughter, her oldest son’s name is Brian Chase born with Cystic Fibrosis and was not expected to live past the age of seven. We were able to find a way to help him fight this disease and he is now ten years of age and doing well. Now only time will tell.

It’s not a guy thing to say I love you to your sons, but not saying it is something you don’t get to take back. But it is something I will practice until the day I die.

Long winded I know but I feel better now. Thanks


This message was edited Dec 8, 2006 5:32 PM

This message was edited Dec 8, 2006 5:33 PM

Snipe, I don't often read long posts (short attention span, lol).
Thanks for posting this.
My dad died at age 60 and never said that 4 letter word to me, nor I to him. I was out of state when he passed away after a long illness. I wish we could have been closer, too.
You did have those close times that summer and you know that he knew how you felt. You DO know that, don't you? Yes you do.
All we can do now is let those close to us know how we feel.
God bless you. (I don't often say that either.)
Andy P

Snipe, welcome to DG. Thank you for posting this. Your words are so true.

This is for Sarahskeeper: After my sons death whenever I spoke to my Dad on the phone before hanging up I told him I loved him and he would stumble around for words with usually just a bye and then one day he said I love you too son, I swore he choked and fainted as he hung up. After that it wasn't hard for him to say at all. Just goes to show someone has to start it first I guess.

I lost my mother on November 13, 2006, so this is so very real to me. I was her primary care giver for the last 3 or 4 years, and we have never been a huggy kind of family, but about 3 months ago, as I was leaving for a short weekend trip, I hugged her and kissed her, and told her that I loved her. She said, "I don't say it often, but I hope you know that I love you, and I appreciate what you have done for me." Well, that was special. She went into the hospital on Monday, and died the following Monday, but held on long enough for the other 3 children to get there. We each individualy told her how much we loved her, and she would call our name, and say, "I love you". That was the last communication we had with her, as she lapsed into a coma, and died the next day.

So the moral of my story, is "don't wait until it's too late to tell someone you love them". My 2 sisters and 1 brother saw her about 3 times a year, and let me tell you they are grieving deeply, where I am doing okay, as I know that I did for her every day, and was with her everyday, and know that I have done all I needed to or wanted to do.

Bless you this Christmas season, instead of a present, give someone the gift of an I LOVE YOU.

snipe - I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine how I would manage. This similarly happened to me when I was 17. My mother was a young, working mom. I can't explain it, but as I was leaving that morning to catch the school bus, I looked back at my Mom, getting ready to take my little sister to school and head off for work herself, and I had the almost irresistible urge to hug her and tell her how much I loved her. Almost. I never got the chance to do that, she was killed in a car accident that morning. I learned a long time ago to never take for granted the time you have with loved ones.

It's that time of year that yes I have been thinking of Chase again but this year presented a very emotional twist from the most unexpected of circumstances.

Last month Robin got a call that one of her close cousins named Mike had hung himself and that the funeral was to be held at the grave site about 45 minutes from where we live so we made it a point to attend. He was about 3 years Robin's junior and he and his wife attended our son's funeral. There hasn't been much contact since and Robin has regretted that. After the service was over Mikes ex wife came over to us and introduced us to their youngest son whom we had never met. His name was Randal Chase Tannery, we never knew.

They call him Chase.

I started this post 6 or 7 times and have erased it just as many times. There are no words, really, that will convey the sorrow I feel for you. When my nephew shot himself in February of 1992, he left a mark on the whole family.

I recently ran across a photo of him. It hit me like it did when we first heard the news.

Family matters more than anything. Like you, I always tell my family I love them if they're going anywhere or I'm finished talking with them on the phone. It only takes a second and it means so much.

Thanks for sharing your story.

Thanks kwanjin I was rummaging in the attic so to speak :) and noticed this post that I had made and reread it and it made me remember Mikes funeral so I decided I would do and add on.

I have been married to my sweet husband for 30 yrs. and I never let him leave the house to go anywhere without me without telling him I love him. I never hang up on a conversation with my husband, children, step-children, grandchildren, my "other daughter" and DILs without telling them I love them. There may be no one else in their lives that tells them this, but I do. It is as common to me a breathing. I could not live with myself if something happened to them and my last words to them were in anger or anything else.

There have been days when I've forgotten to say it. I always think that is the day something is going to happen.

snipe, I can't imagine the pain losing a child.. I know the pain of losing a husband at 28, a nephew, a mother and a father, and all the others in my life, but thankyou for sharing this, it reminds me why I need to tell my children, even tho they are adults, that I love them no matter what...my husband was not able to tell his father goodbye and I love you when he was younger, as his dad died from cancer. He did regret the year as a teenager he lived in his parents house, angry at his dad, and didn't speak to him for a year.. today he still regrets this.. I pray for him, and I pray for everyone else who has felt the pain of loss, including you and the others who have visited this page.