Motherhood Myths

This is dedicated to Michelle (newatplants) and ALL adoptive moms and dads so they'll have ammunition to kick butt when faced with the "advice" they don't need or want.

The myth: babies need to cry a lot to develop their lungs.
Truth: my daughter cried twice in her first year. Once the sun was in her eyes as the real PIRL was taking a picture of us and once I put her on her stomach to sleep, even though I did get instructions when we picked her up from the adoption agency saying she only liked to sleep on her back. Her lungs are just fine, thank you. Well enough that she alone was chosen to sing "The Star Spangled Banner" at her own college graduation ceremony.

Good to know pirl. What other myths do you ladies have for me??!!!

Some people will try to tell you there is a difference between "having" a baby and "getting" a baby. A baby is a baby is a baby. All you do is love them, it doesn't make any difference where they came from.
My friend Holly (white) adopted a baby (black) and you have never seen a closer mother and son. Here's the funny thing - people who don't know her husband (white) say the baby looks just like her, assuming that the father is black! Holly just smiles and says thank you!

Michelle,

I remember you saying your sister-in-law said that breastfeeding saved her money on formula. It's hard to explain that instant burst of milk pouring forth when baby isn't yet awake but your breasts are screaming, "It's time - right now". Bras and blouses get soaked and it can reach the slacks and panties within seconds. Another set of clothes to soak in the washer. I did more wash in those four months than is believable. Leaving them in the hamper is gross. So whatever I saved on formula I spent on laundry detergent, electricity and gas for the dryer.

That's all aside from the fact that your daughter might be a bit older and you really don't want a baby with teeth nursing. My own grandmother was bitten by a nursing baby and talked about it forever. Just the amount you save with doctor's visits, clothes, etc. for the first few months is amazing. I doubt if you're worried at all about saving the money that you'd happily spend on your baby.

There is no such thing as a hysterical mother. Most mothers are just plain funny.

Seriously tho, if you really think there is something wrong, go with your gut. Don't back down untill you are completely satisfied. Get a second or third opinion if you feel it is real. I've had the "pleasure" of telling a doctor that my child was just admitted to the peds floor by a real doctor after he sent us home the second time and called me hysterical. She spent 8 days on IV's and antibiotics for rotovirus.

And if ppl start with "in my day"..."gently" remind them their day is over and we have modern medicine now.

mg

I'd never trust those old remedies like mustard plaster, enemas for any reason at all, etc. They can keep them with their dusty memories.

Ah yes, my sister told me all about her breasts hurting and her bras and shirts getting soaked. But she really liked the bonding experience she had with her daughters breast feeding. Of course for me, I won't have any choice in the matter since I won't have any breast milk.

I'm not into alternative medicine too much. I do take folic acid and vitamins, but I can tell you, that if my baby is sick...I will not take any chances...she will go to the doctor. Matter of fact, the Chinese gov't has you answer the question given by the social worker to put in the home study...does your religion or other beliefs preclude you from getting medical attention for your adopted child? Some religions (Jehovah's witness) will not accept a blood transfusion and other religions (church of scientology) will not allow any medicines. China will not allow those religions to adopt...they want to make sure that you will take the child to the doctor and allow her meds if she needs them.

I hope I will not be a hysterical mother. DH thinks I'm OCD about the garden and cleaning so he is sure to think I'll be OCD about the baby. But I think when you know your baby so very well, that you will know when she isn't feeling well or whatever before anyone else. My friends who's son has leukimia...well the mother saw bruises on her son and new immediately that it was cancer. Just from seeing a bruise, she knew what it was. I jokingly tell my DH that God gave women a "sixth sense" about things..especially their children. He laughs about it, but I do think there is something to be said about that. You moms know what I mean...when you get a "feeling" about something out of nowhere?

michelle

Ah, yes. I could always sleep 10 hours without a problem and thought my son could never cry loud enough to wake me up: WRONG!!!!

I'm a light sleeper, so no problem with that. I won't even need a baby monitor. I can wake up with the smallest of sounds if it isn't a "normal" sound.

I just found this thread and wanted to jump in with being a light sleeper. When my son was a baby, he was a total night owl. Loved to laugh and play all night long. My husband tells the story to this day about how he would be awake, knowing that Danny would be waking up soon, and he wanted to get there first so I could sleep. He says that he would hear a noise, and wasn't yet fully sure if it was Danny or not, but by the second sound, I would be out of bed, heading to his room when I had been fully asleep just a second before. lol

I forgot about this thread!

I am watching it and going to try to think of something to add. My mind is blank right now. That is NOT a myth - you think so much about the youngin' you forget about yourself! When my son was a baby I would pack the whole house for him on a trip and for me - I would forget small things, underwear, makeup, clothes. LOL!!

My dh swore I could hear Nathan's eyes open. But then, I can hear a drip from a water faucet in the basement too.

I remember Jenna was about 4 when she kept pulling on my ponytail, she finally told me she was looking for those eyes in the back of my head Nathan kept grumbling about.

mg

Boy does that ever ring a bell! A friend at work had her daughter always playing with her hair at the back of her head looking for those eyes, too! Guess I was just a dumb bunny and never thought to look when I was small.

What about all the horror stories about laying a baby on the right side and then the left side so their head wouldn't be misshapen? What a lark that was. Have you ever seen a person with one side twice the size of the other side?

No, but mine is pretty flat on the back... must have not been turned enough LOL.

Wait, that one is partially true!

Nathan was shoulder dystocia at birth, and as a result, the dr had to break his collar bone to get him out. He had to be layed (propped on rolled blankets) on his left side at all times for 6 weeks. If you put him on the right side he would scream in pain. Anyway, his head has a serious flat spot on the left side. If your are standing behind him, you can see more of one ear than the other too. I've tried over and over to get him to wear his hair a bit longer, but he gets it buzzed every time.

My mom and I tried laying him on his right side after the bone healed, and it did help to some extent, but it is clearly there still. He wasn't to be put on his tummy during the 6 weeks either.

mg

so what is the deal? do I lay the baby on her back or stomach?

Both. Rotate, LOL.

Yup, alternate sides and straight. Never put a baby to sleep on the tummy, higher SIDS risk. Tummy only when supervised untill they can roll over by themselves alot.

Remember this slogan: Back To Sleep!

mg

The newest info on IDS )Infant Death Syndrom)is DON'T let them sleep on their stomach...one side or the other...sleeping on their back may not let them vomit correctly if they are ill either. Of couse it has been a few years since I had a baby...and I used a lot of my Mother's Old-timey stuff....like putting a 50 cent peiece in a stomach band....to keep the navel from being an "outie"...all 3 of mine have "inies".

One thing I DID learn after my first one...you CAN get pregnant while nursing another baby!! The girl friend that told me that myth now has one that is 50 years old...just like mine was last week! LOL Jo

Somehow I don't think Michelle would be so very upset at that one, at all!

Question of you younger moms who know the current infant care much better than I:
Isn't the IDS or SIDS for babies less than a year old?

Pirl, it's apnea, which has no age limits. Many folks who are described as "dying in their sleep" simply had apnea, undiagnosed and untreated.

Thank you darius. I guess I phrased it wrong. I understand sleep apnea but when does the worry of how a baby sleeps stop? I read above that they have to be capable of turning over so wouldn't that normally take place by a year old?

LOL, Pirl. I raised 3 but was never their mother, and SIDS was unheard of as such.

You're not going to tell me you raised three kids that won't call you Mom, are you?

Nope, I was the older step-child/scullery maid!

Ah, I see...so keep them on their sides. Okay, got it. Don't worry y'all, I am going to take some classes on child development as well as "Raising Kids God's way" at church and all that so I know what the heck I'm doing. My sister will be a huge help too.

Many people who never had children and lived out in the unsettled west did just fine. Rely on instinct and you'll do fine.

Pirl, they didn't do fine. They buried infants like everyone else.

I'm sure they did but probably no more than babies who died in big cities. We've come a long way with medicine but not as far as we should have with education and babies and children die all the time because of their parents neglect.

I agree, but is it really neglect or a lack of education?

I remember being in an ER when a young woman brought in her baby, saying he won't wake up. He was long dead, of course.

Both, I fear. Look at all the newborns that are abandoned. It's so pitiful.

Yesterday a two year old squeezed through the iron grills on a window and fell to it's death. The stories are there every day. This time the babysitter was outside, talking to friends. I don't believe in "blame" but responsibility and I'm just guessing that she never "thought" the child could manage to get through the bars on the windows.

When we hear about the kids left alone at home when fires break out I'd have no choice but to call it neglect.

Yes, it's morally pitiful.

The one that always gets me is the baby/child left in a hot car. It's just so horrific and needless.

Please, join a mothers group, that was the best thing I ever did. I was a new mom and stranded in Germany during the Gulf War untill Nathan was 6 weeks old and I could get his passport. Here in the States, Mommy and Me groups are really cool, and most "Y's" have some type of group.

mg

Hmph, every time you check with the "experts" the story changes. Have a friend who didn't sleep for months because her baby wouldn't stay on his back, kept rolling over. She sat up in his room and spent the whole night turning him BACK over. He's 12 now, no ill effects from that!
Oh, and hubby was an outie til we both got fat, now an innie! LOL

Hi Pirl! You are correct, after a year of age the cases of SIDS lessen. When my son was close to a year I got him a pillow. Very small pillow of course but I wanted him to have a pillow! He was so cute with that little pillow under his head at night. Of course we were NOT supposed to give him a pillow according to the doctor but I waited and used my judgement as to when it would be safe. I just hated to see his little head on that hard mattress! His day care does not allow pillows but we sneak his in anyway inside his blanket. The teachers don't say anything.

I have heard about the getting pregnant while nursing thing too. A friend of mine went out for her maternity leave from work and came back pregnant. I always thought that funny for some reason - and glad it wasn't me!!

The pregnant story was amusing but probably not to the people involved at the time.

My DH's sister had one son 6 years old, then another boy, then they wouldn't even tell the family until just before the delivery of their daughter: the last two were 10 1/2 months apart. The dad is now in his 80's and still embarrassed by it.

MIght as well get all the kids out of the way while your body's still a mess! LOL!!!

Well I am going to be part of MOPS...mothers of preschoolers. Taking "Prep for parenting" in December. Like I said, lots of help will come from my sister as well as all the excited ladies at church. :) I'll be a nervous first time mom, but at least there will be lots of help.

That's a good idea! Hopefully they will have more truths than all the myths you hear from strangers on the street!

One good thing about adopting too - you won't have strange people trying to pet your stomach! I hated that!!!!!

Nicole