Sick kitty

Just thought I could vent here.

I have a Felv+ cat who tested positive back in May 1999 when I first found him. For almost 6 years he has been fine, but over the past several months I just noticed him getting skinny and boney. He still eats fine an begs worse than either of my dogs. His litter box habits are normal, he still likes to play (even though he is considered a "senior" cat), and seems to feel ok. I mean he is still grooming himself, jumps up on stuff, snuggles and purrs, etc. etc. I feel guilty saying that I have been putting off taking him to the vet b/c I don't want to hear what I know is inevitable. I thought 6 years gave me time to prepare, but it hasn't. The vet is just down the street from work and does drop off appointments. I dropped him off this morning but had them call me at work just before the vet was ready to see him b/c I wanted to be there to talk about it. Of course he said a 3 pound weight loss when you only weighed 12 to start with is significant, especially if you are a Felv+ cat. And of course the first thing they assume with a Felv+ cat is lymphoma. God I never wanted to have to say that word, much less deal with it. But he said he is also at the right age for thyroid problems. That is treatable at least. It could also be kidney problems, which is bad, but not as bad as cancer. The physical exam showed now abnormalities, kidneys felt normal, etc. He didn't have fever either. They took blood and urine but I didn't stick around for the results and they didn't call me. Not sure how to take that. I assume if it was really bad they would have called, but I guess I shouldn't assume anything. This cat is like my husband's pet soul mate and he doesn't even know I took him in this morning. I had a moment of courage and just grabbed him on my way to work and took him in. Anyway, first the vet said he also wanted to do x-rays, but when I left he said to just wait and see what the test results show so far. I don't get that b/c if anything is abnormal, they will want x-rays to see what's going on. And if it's normal they say that sometimes it won't show up in blood work so they want x-rays. Either way, seems like they would want to do that. I hope it doesn't sound callous but I hope it can wait until the first of April b/c I am expecting a promotion and decent raise to go with it. That would sure help me deal with this if I don't have to stress (as much) over the money side of it. Anyway, I am about to leave and go get him. I am already dreading walking in there and hearing "we didn't want to tell you this over the phone, but..." :(

Thanks for letting me get this out!

Jamie