More blessed to give

I want to share something with everyone. Sometimes I read of folks getting frustrated trading with others and not getting anything in return. Other times, I read of RR's that aren't handled well along the way and people are disappointed. Let me tell you about something I've done and how I've been blessed for it.

My oldest daughter and I have been digging up bulbs and plants at abandoned houses and such (yes, we get permission first) and we have had such a wonderful time giving it all away. Out of some 500+ spider lily bulbs, 300+ daffodil bulbs, 400+ unidentifiable bulbs (they'll be a surprise next spring anyway) and 50+ hyacinth-type bulbs, 80+ daylilies....we've only planted a relatively small number of them in our own yard. Nearly everything we have dug up so far has been given away. Church members, neighbors, gobs of DG-ers, family and even nursing homes...have all benefitted because we decided it was more blessed to give than receive.

You know what? What I get in return is love, appreciation, happiness, a sense of fulfillment, contentment, joy... and on and on.

I try not to go into trades, SASE's or anything else with the expectation of anything. That way, I won't be as likely to be disappointed. I send what I send with the hope that the person who receives it will enjoy it and maybe in turn, bless others. If I receive anything in return, it's a delight and a blessing...not something I expect or need. God's bounty belongs to all of us. I think we should share it.

My goal is not to offend anyone, just provide some insight into how I approach things and maybe it will help someone else.

Smilin

Yes I agree, it's a great thing to give. My personal gripe is people who agree on a trade when it was (until last week) stated on my trade list that I'm just as happy to send out most things for SASE. Or rather I pay the postage and packaging costs because of where I live. I know people can get international tokens but it takes time and I hope that one day, if I lost a plant I sent seeds out of, they might return the compliment. If things are done in honesty then I'm glad to be able to contribute to someones garden. It dishonesty which sticks in my craw, not the loss of seeds. To keep a RR is not only cheating one person it is cheating many, its petty pilfering and petty really is the operative word, all they need do is ask, everyone here is very generous.

Smilin I love your post and it makes me feel very good for some reason.

Smilin, My thoughts and your's are pretty much the same ( But, Your much better with words! LOL ) I DO get frustrated with 'dishonesty tho! ~Thank's for posting ~ Iris

Thank you all for your comments.

smiln,You sound like a very giving and generous person and it's too bad that everyone doesn't go by your philosophy.I would give just about anything I have if someone needed or wanted it.Alls they have to do is ask. You are a much better person than I because if someone stole from me or took without asking I'm afraid I could'nt feel happiness, fullfillment or contentment.I feel that if you make a deal with someone to trade one thing for another and you don't hold up your end of the bargain and give no explanation as to why or answer your traders e-mails then it was an act of stealing.When you enter a RR you know that there are people under your name that are waiting excitedly for that package to arrive. When you keep it with no intention of sending it on it is an act of stealing from several people.I'm afraid I could not wish that the person would enjoy that package of seeds knowing the disappointment of the other people that were waiting for it to arrive. As Baa said it's not the loss of seeds that matters but it is the disappointment of an honest person having a dishonest act pulled on them.

Do you believe that "what goes around, comes around"? I do. If not in this life, then in the next one. People get back what they give. I cannot account for, nor change, what others do or what they think. I CAN, however, control how I react to what they do.

There are several people on this web site and another one who have not fulfilled their trades with me. That's ok. Until now, I hadn't really thought about it. At least one of them posts messages daily and is quite prominent here at DG. Maybe he/she got busy. Maybe they just forgot. In the end, it doesn't matter. My yard still looks great and they have something they wanted.

Life is too short to spend negative energy on things that cannot be changed.

And, these plants - this world - it's all on loan to us. It isn't ours. It's God's.

Smilin

Send the person an email, if it were me (and it might be!) I'd want to know, so I could rectify the matter.

Smiln32, your philosophy and mine are so similar!!

MOre blessed to give than receive...
What goes around, comes around..
Giving without expecting anything..
Frustration towards dishonesty...
Fulfillment, contentment, joy,......

They are all true and they are all so deep in their meanings. The great Indian Saint of the 8th century or so, Shankaracharya had told " First deserve, then desire". So, the first question we should ask ourselves is 'do we deserve to acquire ?' None can match the pleasure of giving. There is a famous quotation which runs something like this : 'a gift much expected is paid'. Is there any pleasure in a 'paid' thing? I don't think so. But there is great joy in receiving something sent by someone with great love and affection and for this we should be grateful, not otherwise. Those who cheat will never enjoy its 'reward'. Enjoyment is a mental thing. But in material they might have. That's not at all important. What goes around, comes around, isn't it?

Well this is certainly the most refreshing thread I have seen in a while. I am not very good at receiving and there are at least a good handful of generous people here who have sent me such wonderful personal gifts and even shown the same kindness to my family. Because they are so personal I never post on the Mail Call forum!! Not only have I received plants or seeds but other beautiful tokens as well. It swells my heart up so because I'm not used to it and I have to say this is the first time in my life that I have met with such beautiful, generous people. I do realize that the majority of trades do rely on a comeback basis and if it doesn't work with someone then surely it can be just written off and forgotten unless, of course, that a person deliberately goes out of his/her way to cheat others. I can vouch for Carla'a heart. She has just done a tremendously kind thing for my daughter who is in Germany and has deigned to do this with no comeback at all. I protested of course, but realized in the end that this was something that made her happy. That is what it's all about and what makes the world go round.

I guess this is why I try to keep an accurate record of what I owe but have never kept a list of what I am to recieve in exchange! I honestly cannot say if every trade has been sent back to me! I really so not want to know if someone dropped the ball because it is not that important to me. I have sent out everything I promised...I hope..but being human may have messed up and sent the wrong thing or in one case sent a package to the wrong person entirely! That one finally got fixed but there may be others that I have messed up on. So if I owe you something just let me know so I can fix it. If you owe me...well send it if you can and I will feel like it is Christmas cause I really so not remember it! See! There advantages to senility!

smilin32
I can see you came by your dg name honestly. I think what you said is very kind and generous. Many of the lovely sentiments shared by others in this thread are so warm and generous and I can bet each of you has received many blessings in your lives, just becuase of how you choose to think. Very inspirational! People have treated me very well when I put out a request for seeds. I will remain reluctant to ever get into a RR myself, since I am not sure that I would ever have "good enough" (i.e. rare, unique, viability rate ???) seeds to share and I hope simply HATE to have people angry at me for doing any part of the RR wrong. So before anyone jumps to the conclusion I was involved in some RR I WAS NOT EVER in any RR...… I did mess up on a few SASE in the beginning by not sending enough postage. Only because I did not know enough to ask how much I should have sent. Most people were really nice in letting me know and I quickly adjusted my postage and ask now how much to send so I don't slight anyone.

I guess what I don't like the thought of is public posts berating people for perceived errors or the idea that anyone circulates emails labeling anyone, when it could all be a mistake. I know how hurt I was when it was implied this was my second year for our project, when in fact we have not had our first garden yet. I overreacted to that post by blasting back the facts and I know bad feelings were created on both sides by what I saw as a very unjust public "hint" of greed. So much could be resolved if people did all they could to sort out matters privately and beyond that, let the small stuff go. I know it's the principle of feeling "taken" but is it all worth the stress, the not so subtle posts and then the taking of sides and ostracizing of people??? Over a few seeds ? A missed “Thank you” ? Some postage? A misunderstood post? A differing opinion? A "colorful" word? A questionable joke? A person’s style of posting? Really, after Sept.11 it was be so much better to rise above the small stuff and just learn to be more tolerant and forgiving of others. Can people put themselves in the other person’s shoes and imagine how it feels to know that some fellow DG er doesn't speak to you because of something you supposedly did or said to another DG er? Can you imagine what it's like to be a new Dg er and find that because you "tiffed" (i.e. disagreed) with some esteemed old timer, that you are now ignored by them and all their friends, who don't likely even know both sides?

It brings to mind a children’s playground complete with sandbox spats and bullying and gangs....I'm speaking generally here, not about any one specific situation, thread or person, only feelings based on some situations I have picked up on....I will say I no longer enjoy the forums as much as I once did, because of some negativity and finger pointing and also the concern that by posting a differing opinion, on an off topic, is just not worth the fallout should it ruffle the ”wrong” persons feathers. One thing I do know, is I am not alone in these feelings but that some people feel too intimidated to say so, as they fear the backlash they have witnessed on others will get directed at them. I may as well be the "bad guy" again...*S* I have decided to try to let it all just wash off me, find a little humor in my own idiosyncrasies and those of others, but I do know that as I watched the 911 special I really had to THINK about what's important, it's six months after Sept. 11...what's important enough to FIGHT OVER or FIGHT FOR?



*mummy jumps off her soap box rant and runs for cover...* *smile*


This message was edited Tuesday, Mar 12th 5:06 PM

Baa,

I understand why you posted your message, but I fear you have missed the point.

It's not about the plants. It's about the relationships we have with one another.

***

Smilin I agree that the relationship is the whole point. I don't explain myself very well.

If I were to forget my part of a trade, I would like to know so I can continue a good, if slightly blotted, relationship with that person. I may or may not be able to rectify the trade but I can offer an apology or explaination and make sure it doesn't happen again. I may need help in preventing it happening again. I understand that its not the plants or seeds that are important but the relationship. William Blake once wrote an excellent poem called the Poison Tree, its about being able to tell a friend that there is a problem or a disagreement.

I would be horrified to find that I'd forgotten someone as I'm sure most people here would. I would rather be given the chance to say, Oh gosh I'm completely stupid and its entirely my fault, please accept my apologies, than leave someone with the impression that 1 I'm a complete flake or 2 that I'm a dishonest person in some way. If I'm not told I may never find out my mistake, I feel a friend would tell me I'm in the wrong and that is important to me as much as any other part of a friendship, online or everyday. Friendship, in my view, is a big part of trading and giving, it's certainly more important than seeds or plants.

I feel that an email would be closure on the issue and keep the lines of communication open so a good or better relationship may develop in the future. I hope I said that better :)

I should add that a similar situation happened to me a few days ago. I hadn't written back about something and I received a nice email asking if I'd received the things they sent. This person gave me the chance to realise my mistake and to apologise. I would like to thank them again for bringing it to my attention and for giving me a 2nd chance :)

This message was edited Tuesday, Mar 12th 6:35 PM

Baa,

You explained everything perfectly. :) Thanks for the wisdom. I agree with you.

I would like to know if I failed to complete a trade because it would not be intentional. I know I don`t keep a record of everything either but I don`t ever want anyone to feel like they didn`t get a fair trade. Smilin I admire you for the way you can handle things like that, but when it comes to a trade with me you may have to hit me behind the head and say -Where is my trade or What was the delay because and this goes for anybody on Dave`s If I owe you anything Please say something and let me be embarassed and ashamed of my mistake, and not you feeling like it was done delibertly. God Bless you for your attitude.

same here, cause I am a complete flake!! I try real hard, honest I do. And I am slow, but not because I don't care. If I owe you, I sure would and do want to know. It would break my heart to know that someone was hurt or had hard feelings because of my oversight.

This message was edited Tuesday, Mar 12th 8:42 PM

hi smiln32 I have not forgotten you. I've been busy trying to get my list ready,I first had to get all my seed together then,work on making seed pkts. and filling some.I hope I can keep up. There is so much involved in sharing seed. I have my files in better order so I can keep requests where I can find them, (with my addresses)If I remember,... you wanted some wild flowers for someone. well I have a super pack for you! and...did you still want grape hyacinths? they will be sent later on. I won't forget,just remind me.e-me and I'll send you my list.

Ok, everyone...quit fretting over whether you owe me anything. (big smile) I appreciate it, but I didn't intend for this to be about who owes who what.

Tink, tiG, busybee and everyone else who has emailed me...no one owes me anything. :) I love you all and I'm overwhelmed with all of your kind words and sweet thoughts.

Tink, the wildflower seeds are for my mom, but no rush. She's been in FL for the past 3 wks. And just so you know, I'd completely forgotten about you sending them. That's just the way I am. I'm as flaky as the rest of you. :) Maybe that's my true secret...I just forget it all so easily that I cannot possibly harbor any ill-will. :)

God has blessed me richly....most recently with a tender heart and a willingness to encourage others. He guides me in matters such as this...it isn't all about me or how I handle things. It's by His grace I accept what "is" instead of worrying over what "isn't".

It's really amazing how wisdom has poured out from so many wonderful people. That was a worthwhile thread! I really enjoyed.

Carla? Did I forget to send you something? I know you have been getting me lots of things from the Sept 11 teeshirts to cheap seeds. If I forgot to send something or if you didn't recieve it, please let me know.

I have learned alot by the examples of others here and I think that a simple, supportive thread like this one, can go along way to healing hurt feelings and perhaps make it easier for fences to be mended, if needed.
*S*

Oh, no, I just read this thread, and I think Smiln was one of my very first trades on DG. But I can't recall sending anything to you, Smiln!. I do plead chemo brain, and I have noticed I can't juggle things like I could before the illness last year. But I would never cheat on a trade and I hope you or anyone else will remind me. It would be a favor I would greatly appreciate. Come on, what do I owe where? Please ??????

Oh really Aimee!!!! Just stoppit now!!....lolol!! All this from you who sends out delicious little things and wants nothing in return. Sheesh!!!! :-)

And you know the simple truth in all of this, is that we just want each other's friendship, nothing harried to get and put aside; but something we can let grow and savor over the years! God's love and peace to all! What we have, no one can take from us, no way, no how!!

"eyes"

Well said "eyes". You are so right.

Ok, everyone, go back up this thread and read the part where I said, "quit fretting over whether you owe me anything. (big smile) I appreciate it, but I didn't intend for this to be about who owes who what."

I mean it. I love you all dearly and no one "owes" me anything.

My yard (and my heart) is full to overflowing with God's blessings. Just keep being the wonderful people you are. That's all I - or anyone else - really needs.

You are indeed a very beautiful person.

I don't feel like I deserve that, but I thank you for saying it anyway. :)

It's so true, we really want the camaraderie, the feeling of someone to share our lives without being too much. Margaret, I think you give me more credit than I deserve, but I'll take it and take a bow. I would happily give away anything in my garden, then go out and buy another one for myself when I could, because I do love to share. I wish everyone was of that nature, but some people can't resist the old con job. I will share with them, too, because maybe if they experience it often enough, they will relax and learn to enjoy sharing instead of being greedy-grabby. It works sort of like my fifth grade teacher's method of taming the class bad boy. She put him in charge of classroom deportment. It was his responsibility to maintain order. No one had ever before demonstrated such confidence in him, and he rose to the challenge like the leader he became. Last I heard, he was running for his sixth term as beloved mayor. We can't change a rotten apple, but we can remove one about to rot to a better environment.