I need your help!!!!!!!!!

As most of you know my aunt margaret passed on christmas day after a long illness. we talked almost every day but I had not sen her in about 7 months. she lived 300 miles away. My problem is coping with her loss. My uncle had her cremated, per her request, with no service, not even an obit in the paper. I feel like there is no closure in this. I cannot tell my uncle how I fewel because he is having a terrible time handling allof thuis and he is not in the best of health himself. There is no obit to read, no service to attend, no viewing, nothing. How can I bring myself to closure with this. I am hapy that my aunt did not have to suffer anymore but I can't seem to come to terms with all of this either. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only thing I can think of to suggest is maybe going to bereavement counseling. They will certainly have lots of suggestions for coping and probably some reading materials for you as well. Also, if you have some kind of momento from your dear Aunt, a vase, pin, anything...keep it where you see it or hold it. And if you don't, maybe your uncle would send you something of hers. Hospice would be a good place to start as far as talking with someone or your minister. I will keep you in my prayers. vic

Janet,I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I didn't know.

You have mail my friend

Is there any way you can go vist your Uncle? Even if for a day. It would really help you if you could. Or at least maybe ask for some of her ashes. Another thing you might do is write a obit/eulogy of your Aunt for yourself. Let your feelings/thoughts for her get out on paper.

Such good advice already!! I am so sorry to hear of your distress Janet. Tom's suggestion about visiting your Uncle seems such a good idea. It would probably bring some measure of comfort for the two of you to talk about your aunt and the memories she left behind. If this is not possible then I would take Vic's advice and see a counsellor, a close friend or relative. We are here if you need us, you know that!!

Maybe you need to do your own memorial for her in your own way. Maybe just saying your own special prayer and remembering her and all the good times. And saying goodbye with your own special thoughts and feelings that mean the most to you and her.

Thank you all so much. It helps to have you all to talk with. I just emailed my uncle after trying to call for 3 hrs., and asked if i could have something of hers and maybe a small amount of her ashes. I am waiting on an answer.

O Janet I am soo sorry to hear about your aunt, I wish I could reach thru here and give you a big ole hug and let you cry it all out. I have never been good with words, but I do think that the ones that posted here have given you some great advise. I will pray that you do find the closure that you need.
(((((Janet)))))))

Janet, I read this earlier and didn't have any words of advice, but it broke my heart. I'm glad you wrote your uncle, and maybe you need to work out the grief together. I'm so sorry you're hurting. ((((janet))))

With Prayer and sympathy to you!

Tiny seeds fall to the ground
and bring forth beautiful flowers
upon the earth
what seems to have passed away
has in truth given an entrance
to new life.
-----------------------------------
May you find comfort in Gods love
and may his blessings gently
enfold you. Praying he will
encourage you today.

I think it would be good for you to write an obituary for her, with as much information as you know. Put it in a scrapbook for yourself, maybe with some pictures of her. Also, you could write her a letter and put it in that scrapbook. If you don't want to do a scrapbook, do some kind of collage with these items. Email me if you want to talk. I do a lot of grief counseling.

If you know any of her friends, maybe you could contact some of them and have a get together to say goodbye to your aunt while you all talk about the things that you remember about her. If a personal gathering isn't possible, try a round robin letter, with each of you adding things of interest about her. Then you could send copies of it to everyone who wished to have them. Send flowers to her church as a memorial. Make a contribution in her name to some cause she would want to support.

Janet
So sorry to hear of your loss,you and your family will be in my prayers. There is not much to say except that the suggestions that have been given are a good start. I started a memorial garden this fall just for that reason as we had several loved ones pass this year, and I was unable to go to servral of funnerals. I know it is not the same as saying goodbye, but it is a help to know I have a special place to go and think of them.

Thinking of you durning this time of loss.

Mike

I'm so sorry of your loss of your Aunt Margaret Janet'I know many of us here were praying for her too' This very same thing happened to me Janet and know exactly what you're going through' My gran got sick nobody told me and knew nothing' If ya knew my mother's family though no surprise' I still don't know anything,same with my dad and other grandmother' I only have my memories and nobody can take them from me' Folks here don't know what it's like to be left out and feel like the "red headed step sister"I do but have lived through it,one of those things,can't change it' It is the cruelest thing a family can do to another member too'There's a lot of great suggestions here and hope you can find your "own way" of coping.

JANET, SO SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR LOSS. I SEE YOU'VE BEEN GETTING SOME VERY GOOD ADVICE FROM EVERYONE.