Letter of Apology & Request for Understanding

Dear Fellow DG'ers,

I haven't been here for a while and I needed to step away. I'd be lying if I didn't say I missed plant ID, Plantfiles and all-around horticulture on DG and, of course, some great plant-a-holics like me. There have been comments I have made, reactions I have done and behaviour of mine that, yes, were unacceptable. I'm sorry. I was repeatedly traumatized. Plain and simple, I have been heavily harassed at my home for about 7 years now. It's been a tough and difficult road and it's hard to imagine a life without being a target. I guess I'm saying this because this type of situation can happen anywhere and to anyone and I believe it's important not to judge the target. I'll be the first to admit I suffer PTSD & acute anxiety as a result. It goes with the territory. Unfortunately it tends to affect every aspect of my life including just hangin' here. I try so hard not to think about it or let it affect me. It just does.

I knew harassment would happen again and it did. 2014 was one tough year of being poisoned and watching my dog almost die from poisoning. OMG, if there's something I'd say is traumatizing, it's being poisoned by pesticides/chemicals and ending up in the hospital. The acute stage where my lungs and heart had trouble operating and random twitching in my legs was scary. I ended up not being able to walk and collapsing for a few months. The dog puking blood almost unable to stand - I didn't think she was going to make it. From what I can tell, I had Organophosphate Induced Delayed Neuropathy. As gardeners, it's important to understand what we use, how it affects our environment but I'm learning a great deal about how dangerous Organophosphates are, by personal experience. It's the 3rd time I've ended up in the hospital as a result and I never put the gardening after a spraying with the weakness/hospitalization because there was a few weeks between. Despite my every effort, establishing proof has been next to impossible over the years. I've reported it to the City of Vancouver and Vancouver Police Department for years and not a single soil/foliage sample or test, let alone site visit has been done. As my landlord was so busy discrediting me as "mentally ill" in a very derogatory manner with the city and police, I did end up getting confirmation by the Ministry of Environment recognizing a violation of the Integrated Pest Management Act. This, of course, has been dismissed as "non-credible". I guess I'm in for a few more years of being poisoned and it ain't fun.

So, hey, I'm sorry if I was traumatized in 2012 on forums while I was being relentlessly stalked by 3 neighbours and harassed by the landlord. Davesgarden was my only oasis to think about something other than what I was dealing with. My rent is subsidized where I live and I don't have the disability income to move in this very expensive city so I'm a sitting duck. Staying away from here for a while was a needed break and, apparently, the poison affected my behaviour ontop of the ptsd so last year I wasn't in the best of shape. UGH! One of the most difficult aspect of all this is that the communities and environments that I reside in can become toxic due to judgement of the affects and stigma associated with this. I wasn't sure if DG was toxic or not. I was trying to regroup but unfortunately got nailed again. It is quite cyclical.

So there ya have it. I admit I'm messed up and sorry it came out at times. I'm in a crappy situation. There's nothing more that I love than studying plants, providing plant identification, photographing plants, contributing to PlantFiles, giving advice, learning, etc. I've met some real nice plant people on here. I'm quite a sensitive guy and never know if I'm being oversensitive but one of my problems is not knowing if someone's takin' a disliking to me. I think, despite everything, DG has been very fair and honest. Hey, I'm quite human and I kept falling down. I have no idea how I'm viewed on here. I've written this thing so that there is a bit more understanding as knowledge can make a difference. It's also important to me to attempt to mend my errors, figure out where I stand after all that stuff in the past and just find out if I'm welcome. And to think, all my harassment is all because I garden. Go figure!

Mike

Welcome back! I am sorry that your path is so difficult and hope that DG is a really fun place for you to be again.

Hi growin-I don't have this forum in my favorites list so I was glad to hear from momlady that you are back. I have missed you. You always seemed to put a real effort into sharing your extensive knowledge (and photos) with us. I hope you will get back into it. I actually don't recall reading any posts from you that seemed inappropriate, just occasional "spirited exchanges'" that I enjoyed reading. Sometimes I have seen snarky remarks on DG, but mostly I just bleep over them, and I hope others will overlook any of my comments that seem a bit over the top. And often on the internet words can be misinterpreted, where in person you might see someone did not mean it "that way". One of the nice things about DG is how people from many kinds of backgrounds can share their knowledge. I hope you will continue to share with us.
Welcome home!

Sending warm/kind thoughts your way!

Welcome back. Hard situation to deal with and Makes me glad I got out of Berkley and California craziness where I have lots of space and no really close neighbors. And I get along with the neighbors I do have. And it's quiet. I am truly blessed.

I sympathize with your problems dealing with the government. I have a few of my own.

Also had a disagreement with another DGer who sent me a Dmail demanding that I remove a post because it might offend a third party. What a mess. The third party was not offended, nor was anyone else and they all said so - BUT "they are just being nice" and I am an awful person.

If you ever want to talk directly to an "awful person" shoot me a Dmail. I've had extensive and frustrating experiences with government agencies in the USA. Some success, lots of frustration.

Meanwhile, keep posting.

hugs, katie

Hi Growin, I'm sorry to read that you've had such a difficult time. What a horribel struggle you've experienced and, if I read correctly, it is still going on. I also want to say that I'm glad that you're back.

Glad you are back. You have been missed.

Thanks everyone. I try and not think of this stuff. I found out last week that I have liver and kidney damage from the poisoning. Coming up to the poisoning time of year, I was anxious to leave. I applied for a job in horticulture, got the job and then they redecided. The good thing is that it was a catalyst to move to a different city, away from a very toxic environment. I found a place to live in a nice neighbourhood with friends. The best part is I'll be moving to USDA zone 9b, which is awesome! I was also given approval to have a small greenhouse. Things are looking up, a new start and new environment and saying bye-bye to 7+ years of being a target of horrible harassment. I just had to share/vent some good stuff. Happy spring.

Growin- That is really bad news about the illness, but the move sounds great! 9b...I could guess Victoria to possibly be 9a, but even the Sunshine Coast does not seem very b-ish. Anyway Good luck on the move and the Greenhouse too.

Sorry to hear you I'll not be working in horticulture, disappointing for sure!
How horrid about the liver and kidney problems,..
The move, having a greenhouse is bound to make you smile

The best

Good on you! I know you will thrive away from all the stress and vile environment. Are you still writing? I hope so, as it was cathartic and good for you. I lost track when my laptop crashed.

Do take care of yourself. Good and positive thoughts for your return to good health and happiness.

Happy Life,

Jean/Moon

The only writing I did was here and a blog which I haven't added to. Maybe a new start and environment will be fresh eyes on the plants around me. I might try a bit of plant writing, as you say, cathartic for me, to heal.

I hope you do. Immerse yourself in the things that make you happy and start to purge the unpleasant past.

Hey , where you moving to ?
Good to see you here again .