He even makes a sound like he is screaming when you pick him up and pooped on me
who am i
This is Odontotaenius disjunctus, a beetle known as a horned passalus as well as several other common names, most frequently betsy beetle or bess bug. See http://entnemdept.ufl.edu/creatures/misc/beetles/horned_passalus.htm for detailed information on this interesting insect.
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