Compassion For Physically Challanged Gardeners #13

Way to go Katie!!!!!!!!!!!!

Slept well for about seven hours last night and feel almost human today. Not nearly so depressed and able to start the process of replacing all the stolen papers (and seeds). It's hard to do but I didn't push myself while I was still weepy. Now it's time to do it as I know I will feel much better when it's handles.

Don't know what I'd do without Tony. He is such a caring, stable influence. I guess I am the same for him when he needs it but I don't think about that much. I always feel that what I do for him is very little compared to what he does for me. Then I find out he feels the same way. Guess we are both lucky.

Thanks for all the support on this.

Vickie, glad you are back. Please don't hide out when you're depressed. Come and get some love.

hugs, katie

Katie, I can get carambola and cherimoya seeds for you. Dmail me an address. Merrier Christmas. :-)

Debra

That didn't sound vengeful to me, Katie. It just sounded human. A good thing to be. Overly saintly types scare me. I always wonder what they are trying to compensate for. :-) {{{hugs}}}
Ah-h-h, Gandhi, the god-father of passive RESISTANCE. I knew I must have been quoting someone wise. That one is my personal favorite.
I understand Gandhi’s eldest child gave him no end of grief. Perhaps, that is why his words speak to me with such potency. :-)
Now you've done it, Vickie. With the ideas you put in their heads, there is no telling what mischief Nadine's cartoon reindeer will be getting into.
Sheri, I hope your house doesn't have many stairways or steps. I am beginning to dread those as the arthritis in my knees gets worse. Kay*

I made it to town and did errands. My friend Manuel who has a store gave me a free bag of citrus after I told him about the theft of my purse. Also two chayotes which had sprouted. I've planted many but none have survived but hope springs eternal. Saw my neighbor Dana after I got home and she told me a thief has been caught so I'll go to the police tomorrow and see if they might have my purse. Not likely but possible.

Tired but not depressed. My ankle is still a little sore but keeps improving. I have to be careful not to reinjure it. Getting ready for Christmas.

hugs, katie

Been gone or not keeping up or something. Sometimes (rarely) a thief will dump the stuff that has no value to him/her -- maybe your passport, for instance, can be recovered. In my state, DL can be replaced online, paid for online, and so forth. I hope it's that straightforward for you.

Kay- I have about 9? stairs to the basement, which is were the washer/dryer are. I have a hamper that is like a tall half round (flat on back. that serve es as a wonderful sup[port when I return Up the stairs, move the hamper u one, I step up one, repeat. When I come up without it it is rather a challenge.
Thanks for asking!

Today I taught Tony a new word - "petty."

This is hard to write about = or even think about - but I don't want to let it fester any longer.

One morning lst spring, a couple of days before they left for their summer home, my neighbor Dana tod me, "We had 53 people here for dinner last night. Would you like the left-overs?"

I have spent months wondering why I was not invited. Not only not invited but then told about the event and offered the leftovers as if it was quite acceptable not have invited me.

Being left out is a very old and painful issue for me. As it is for many of us. And to leave me out and then act as if it hadn't happened is what many in my family have done - over and over. And I've been blamed as the "bad" one for resenting being left out. Like I should accept that for whatever reasons I am not quite as good as the rest of them and I should accept it and not have any negative feelings about it.

Yesterday, I finally spoke to Dana about it. She hugged me and said that they would be glad to invite me to their next party - if I would wear a bra!!! Seems her husband Tom didn't want me there for that reason. We ended up laughing about it but I'm not laughing today.

Hence the word "petty." I am telling this here because a whole lot of old pain is surfacing and I'm in need of some compassion.

It is so hard to write about because I do often feel different. I suspect many of us do. Not Dana and Tom, I guess but many of us.

I can't write any more right now.

katie

Oh, Katie, BIG GENTLE HUG! What is Tom's problem? Wasn't he here during the 70s like the rest of us? What you wear is your choice. Period. If HE has a problem it's his, not yours. And for Dana to rub it in your face that way was cruel and unthinking. You poor sweetheart.

When DD#1 was 12 or 13, the little boy up the street, whom she had gone to school with every day since 1st grade, had a bar mitzvah. I wasn't all that surprised that she wasn't invited, we're not Jewish etc,, until I found out that EVERY SINGLE KID IN THAT FIRST GRADE CLASS OF 20 KIDS WAS INVITED EXCEPT MY KID (2 or 3 other Jewish kids, lots of Catholic kids up here, the rest misc.).

Yes, I sure am familiar with that feeling, Katie. Or "Carrie why don't you come to more potluck suppers at family's houses that we're having through church?" Because I can't get up your front stairs, you dummy!

But I feel sad for Dana and Tom - they lost out on such a special, blessed party guest. You would probably be upturning the money-changers tables by the time it was over! Oh, Katie.

Thank you, Carrie.

The blessing in this is that I am finally understanding (I think) that it is about them and not me. It still hurts but I'll get over it and I will no longer be vulnerable to them.

k.

But Katie, who did you tell Tony is "petty" in the story? Surely Tom, or maybe both of them. Not you.

yes. them.

The NOKD (Not our kind, dear) people cause more damage than a schoolroom full of bullies. A pox on them and all their houses! Katie, you are more gracious than I would have been...

NOKD!!!! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I actually did laugh out loud! They live on my street! They go to my church!

BTW I just posted on the Northeast Forum where I used to very often be NOKD.

I was royally snubbed by Jackie Kennedy when I was a teenager. Years after JFK was killed the nanny revealed that it was she who Jackie had tell the children that their father was dead. There's a class act. I think of things I talked to kids I hardly knew about (sexual abuse, etc) when I was a Child Welfare Worker and wonder how she could have shirked talking to her children herself no matter how difficult.

When I was in my early twenties I was snubbed by a thirtish yuppie couple. Then our (state) Secretary of State spotted me, grabbed me in a hug and dragged me off, ignoring the yuppies. During his keynote speech the former governor introduced me and had me stand up to wave to the crowd. The dinner was for my father.

And I quit going to AA meetings because every person who'd been sober (or not) for five minutes seemed to feel compelled to tell me how poorly they thought I was doig. Most of them are still drunk (or still on dry drunks) while I've coming up on my twenty-fifth sobriety birthday

I just had another late afternoon-early evening nap. When I woke up I thought it was early morning. It's 8 pm. Lots of old pain being dreamed away.

The real mystery is not that people can behave so badly but that they seem to think that there is anything that will ever "unring the bell."

Everyone is invited to a party at my house. Everyone has to wear a bra - and nothing else. Including the men. We will drop in on Tom and Dana en mass.

Tom and Dana did invite several of those who consider themselves better than me. One from AA, one who has said some really nasty things about me but me which have come back to me. The latter person tried to buddy up to me last time I saw her; I think she's running out of "friends." I was not very responsive.

When I go to town I am waving to so many people that I often feel like I'm in a parade. Got a huge grin from the taco stand man in the plazz who, with his wife and sometimes a child or two wworks six days a week for long hours. I gave them a big dragonfruit plant and several cuttings and they make a point of greeting me like a friend. Which I am. I have given Dana and Tom teels, plants seeds, etc. Watched over their property while they are in Washington for the summer, kept them informed and done many favors and they do this.

The best news is that I seem to have been cataputled past the hurt and anger, both old and new.

It really is about them, isn't it? One of the best things that happens when I go to town is that I am often greeted, often by name, by children that I don't realize that I know.

Who would you rather be loved and respected by. A town full of hard-working Mexicans and their children or a couple of NOKD snobs?

Wonder if I'll be able to get back to sleep.

hugs all around, katie

Katie, if you’ve reached the point that you are comfortable with yourself without all the trussing and alterations, you are a truly blessed person. Don’t let those who are still struggling with their problems convince you any differently. It is a “misery loves company” sort of thing.
One of the sadder facts of life is that most of us don’t become truly comfortable in our own skins until that skin has seriously and inevitably started to sag and wrinkle. For way too many of us, not even then.
Will guest be allowed to wear simple, all-cotton, sports bras at your party? Or, will you insist on those lacy, itchy synthetic ones with underwires? Kay*

Any bra is acceptable, even those with the cups cut out. The men can choose where to wear theirs.

Slept like a log. No energy but no depression either. This I slept off a big load of old stuff.

hugs, katie

Hi guys.

Before you get too carried away ( not by the cops I hope) with nekid parties and the like, I wanted to jump in here and say to Birdieblue, I’ve had knee pain too. Last Friday I got a cortisone shot, then this Friday (yesterday) I had SynvicsOne, that’s that chicken comb goop that is clear and has the consistency of egg white. They say it could keep the pain down as much as 6 months. Just passing it on. My knee is better.

And the other thing is that I am proud of you katiebear because you seem to have learned to be comfortable in your own skin. I used to have to be drunk to do that. In fact, I discovered that I was doing things cold sober that other people had to be drunk to do...

So, with that confession, let me introduce myself a bit more to this group by saying I am now a 69-year old one year bride, with copd, pulmonary hypertension, sleep apnea, restless leg/plmd, currently wearing oxygen 24/7, and who's groom is developing one of the 60 different types of dementias, but who won't get a diagnosis, so I live in a tinderbox, and now I'm wondering who;'s the demented one... me for marrying him... or he for marrying me... (small attempt at humor there...)

Since moving to this little paradise up here in the golden corner of SC (one mere year ago) I have taken to gardening like the proverbial duck (albeit with a broken wing), and hubby has made every bird within 5 miles his personal responsibility. This is all good, and please God, thank you, people have built lives together with less.

I have been on the pet forum mostly but I like this group because I feel I am in good company, and Lordy knows, when he's on a toot, I need you guys.

I spend time on the Alz Message board because I am trying to learn how to deal with what's ahead.

I just got off a round of prednisone and antibiotics, and have been in that zone where empty carbs seem to be all that matter, but I hope this will end soon.

I love working puzzles if they aren't too boring, walking in the woods when my lungs will let me, and waterfalls. the pic is Twin Falls. I took it this summer. We are down to two dogs and one fish, and cooking has become a hit or miss deal for now and I don't know why. He is seeming to want to fix for himself and I would never want to interfere with that! lol I know it is a passing phase.

I'll say hi to Debra, 'cause she's the only one in this group I feel like I know. 'Nuf 'bout me.

Linny

Hi Linny and welcome,

This has become my most go-to forum as there's a lot of acceptance and humor and all that kind of good stuff.

Tony was reluctant to leave today until I assurred him that I really am OK. Just very low energy. Lots of old memories passing before me and, hopefully, vanishing forever.

I have some Christmas wrapping still to do but am letting myself be for now. The dogs are always happy to nap with me so we've been doing a lot of that. They didn't even complain about missing dinner the other night when I fell asleep at 5pm.

The strangest (for wont of a better word) thing is that Dana seems to think she can lay it off on Tom and not have it affect her relationship with me. Not possible. She is not a "little woman" who lets her husband dictate to her unless it's something not important to her - like me. Painful to accept but more painful to deny. For some people I seem to be a person who does not need to be treated well. Since this group includes most of my family it has taken a long, hard time for me to accept it and to stop hoping that it will ever be different. I am still hurting but I'm not pretending that it doesn't hurt and I'm not pretending that our relationship will ever be the same. We are still neighbors and I will continue to be a good neighbor.

I am overwhelmingly grateful for my friends who accept me, and even appreciate me, as I am. I'm too tired to drive right now so I'm especially glad I have all of you here.

Did I tell you that Tony's kids are help[ing with wrapping boxes of crayons and other gifts for the other local kids? They prevent me from closing my heart down.

It's another beautiful day here. Sunny and clear and about 60 F.

A few years ago an American neighbor took it upon himself to tell me that I was getting a terrible reputation in the neighborhood. One of my neighbors here is a Mexican policeman who speaks a lot of English so I went to him and asked him to tell me honestly if this was true. He looked astomished and said "no way." I am something of a hermit but I didn't think people disliked me and I believed him. The American neighbor was later paicked up by the police and sent back to Oregon where he is now in prison for child molestation.

I like my time alone and my time with Tony. I like my house and my land and my dogs. Many people here appreciate what I do and some of them appreciate who I am. As Rick Nelson used to say, "You can't please everyoe so you've got to please yourself."

Two Dg friends have promised to send me more cherimoya and starfruit seeds.

It's been a rough week. I'm glad I didn't withdraw and hide.

hugs all around, katie

Oh, Katie, of course it is about them! Been thinking about you. Did I mention that I started a thread on the Northeast Forum where I used to be a wild child. Apparently now I am definitely NOKD, because I've had no comments at all.

Hey folks, I've started dreaming again! I haven't dreamed for years ... no idea why or why not. Drugs/meds.

Welcome, Linny! This is THE best forum for folks who don't get anything done because it hurts too much! Linny, if you want to be on the list of names, just let me know, and welcome again.

For the first time in my life I bought gift bags instead of wrapping everything! I'm serious. This is a big step for a control freak like me.

Linny!!!!! Hi! Welcome, I am so glad you jumped in. Katie and Carrie and Kay and Jim and Nadine and Vickie and Sheri are wonderful people to listen and commiserate and curse and shake your fist at the sky with. And even better to laugh with. :-)

Debra

Welcome to the thread, Linny. I KNOW that’s a tough situation. I just lost my mother to Alzheimer’s. After listening to stories told by others in that sort of situation, I know now I was extremely fortunate. My mother was a rarity. Gentle and sweet-natured down to the marrow of her bones. Evidently she had no secret hurts or festering angers that revealed themselves once the veneer of rational control began to peel back. She forgot who I was early on, but she was the person I knew to the end. As more and more people share their own experiences with me, I’m beginning to realize what a blessing that was for my family.
The idea of dementia is scary to me now. I go off my meds from time to time to reassure myself that my own reduced mental clarity is the result of the painkillers and muscle relaxers I take for back pain. I worry that I will share my mother’s fate and I haven’t even turned 50 yet. :-) Next year.
Those here who have knee problems go for the wheelchair ramps as quickly as the wheelchair users do. I want to pass a law outlawing stairs and narrow doorways. :-)
Katiebear, I think you should cut your fat guy friends some slack. We should get to wear togas, as long as our bra straps show... (Jim)

"Welcome, Linny! This is THE best forum for folks who don't get anything done because it hurts too much! Linny, if you want to be on the list of names, just let me know, and welcome again.

For the first time in my life I bought gift bags instead of wrapping everything! I'm serious. This is a big step for a control freak like me.[/quote]"

Thanks for the welcome, Everybody. I really like that part about not getting anything done because it hurts too much. Carrie, what does it mean to be put on the list? Are you guys wanted, or something?

Speaking of pain, I am taking a serious step towards getting out. I am shopping for a portable therapy pool. Anybody ever used one at home? I'm on a p-nuts budget, but am very creative.

I'm dreaming too, but mostly about dying.

To my horror, dh bought wrapping paper INSTEAD of bags... anything I wrap looks like a 4-year-old did it. I guess I should be grateful he can still go out and shop by himself. He has really had fun buying toys and teddybears for his son's step-grandchildren. I plan to help him get ready to go today. Truth is, the sooner he is outa' here, the quicker I can get better. He won't leave for NC before about Tuesday, but I'm so slow it will take me that long to get things done. Then I am going to spend Christmas with my son's family in Athens. Hope it warms up enough to use the hot tub. Water is the only thing that has ever really helped me.

I have to go now and finish making a few Christmas cards before he wakes up.

Hope everybody feels good today.

Linny

Welcome Linny. I am on way to church so no time to write, but wanted to ackowledge you.
KatieB- I bet you can gues real quick who in your current commun ity is the class act ^_^

BirdieBlue/ Sheri

Linny, at the top of the forum is a list of our "screen names" and "real names." I am the only one who can add names to the list at the top maybe because I have the hardest time with names. Ha ha ha, are we wanted? Probably.

http://davesgarden.com/community/forums/t/1103477/

I just went to visit my father in the nursing home with my 16 yo daughter and we stayed about 14 minutes. She's always been a little plump and battled her weight. He had a serious stroke 4 years ago and whatever thin veneer of niceness was on top got wiped out with the stroke. So the first thing he says is "you look like you're gaining weight, are you?" (She was wearing a very clingy outfit.) She said "no, actually I've lost weight." (which is why she had the guts to wear the clingy.) Well you LOOK like you're gaining weight! A. I understand why I felt ugly and fat until I met DH (who is #3) and B. my heart was aching for her. He was probably mad because it had been so long and didn't have a better way to express it but way to guarantee we won't go back for another 6 months! (It had only been maybe 6 weeks because I'd been sick.)

Would you look at the beautiful surprise hubby came carrying in the door yesterday. He found it at the dump. It is Capodimonte, and weighs more than 16 pounds!

It is chipped but not badly, and it has the markings on the bottom that could be reallhy really old.

What a great garden! Right in the middle of the dining room table.

It's beautiful, Linny. He done good. :-)

Debra

Wow. That is gorgeous.

katie

I guess he knows that gardeners like flowers wherever we find them! What is Capodimonte?

that thing on the table is one!

I found a similar one online. check out the price!!

Capodimonte is Italian porcelain or pottery (both). It goes back to at least Napoleon, but like so many other collectibles, the market has been destroyed by ebay. Since this piece is huge it would sell for 500-800 IF it was not chipped, but it is, so I don't intend to try to price it. Just enjoy it.

I will post what I found about the markings, just for anyone who is interested.

Stay tuned.

Glad you like it.

Linny

Hi Lenny. Welcome! I can already see you'll be right at home. What a great find.Our dump ground is closed to the public and we all lost a great source for flower pots.
Hey guys! Have you all forgotten that we're the granny goons and Jim is our keeper? ROFLO
Katie, Our familys and growing up situation was almost identicle. I was raised by my Maternal Great grand mother, Who hated all people, including me. My father and his rich family never stayed in touch with me, untill i graduated and had the local sherif track them down.They owned drug stores, music stores, banks.One uncle lived at the Stoneleigh hotel in Dallas Ever heard of it Debra? I'm the one who really disowned them, Tho i imagine they were releived. When my father died,They put in his obit. that we worked for the government. Which we did but were attached to the Army.It is so sad the tripe some people will do to look good when in fact What is important is what we gather up in our lives to be remembered by. I'd rather be remembered by being kind,A christian,and my ownself (who does'nt take herself too seriously.)
Anyway all of us here are who we are and proud of it by George.
Vickie

Thanks, Vickie. It's 2:30 am. I slept a couple of hours and woke up. Still struggling with feeling not good enough but it's getting better.

Tony and I loaded the van with candy and toys. Dana has brought me a lot of stuffed toys. It's nice but doesn't ease the pain of rejection. I'm looking forward to Christmas as I do enjoy seeing all the kids. The big parties here are on Christmas Eve and there's often a lot of drinking. The kids and I have a sober Christmas day.

My ankle is still somewhat sore. Between that and my neighbors and the holidays I am very happy to be where I am. Tony continues to be a rock for me. The dogs are happy to be sleeping a lot and snuggling with them is great on these cold (for Mexico) nights.

If I'm feeling a bit better I'll go to town tomorrow. It's nice to see friends there and I can get some fresh orange juice.

Like Vickie, I'm coming out of a dark time but I've not been alone and that helps.

hugs, katie

Well Katie, Lets both hang in there. Kids surely make Christmas a pleasure. Hope you have a peaceful and blessed Christmas. I'm looking forward to hearing about your Christmas kid adventures.
Vickie

Am still struggling. Thank goodness for friends who listen and dogs who snuggle.

I'm still feeling like I'd rather not be conscious but that will pass. My ankle hurts, my meds are being adjusted and all that.

I have been realizing that many of Dana's comments to me have had that superior edge that I shut out, denying that the do hurt. She has not been over and it should surprise no one that I haven't been over to see her. I have seen a few other friends.

My energy is very low. Not surprising with all that's going on. I did get most of the dishes done and a bunch of laundry too. As long as I'm feeling this way I figure I might as well get the sh.. work done. Grateful to have the energy for it.

It's quite chilly here and we've had fog the last couple of days. I got my electric heater out of the store room.

Thank you all for hanging in with me on this. It means a lot.

hugs all around, katie

I have to remind myself that people who have to beat others down in order to feel good/ superior are really saying / showing more about themselves than the person they are slamming. They are sad unhappy lonely often disliked people.
You are caring, sober, neat to have as a friend and a woman with many life experiences who enjoys nature and life!
Please crawl out of that den of darkness and chipper up! Christmas holiday time is difficult for many people. My Dr increased my Prozac from 30 - 40mg/day for the winter months.

Love ya {{{Hug}}},

Sheri

Thanks, Sheri.

I was just thinking about my experiences as a Child Welfare Worker. I'd had more education/training than most of the attorneys but I was treated with contempt by most of them and the parents of the abused children who were my clients. After all, I was "only" a social worker. People who want to feel contempt for others will always find a resason to do so, I guess.

Coming from the family I'm just grateful to have survived. I had three sisters (no brothers) each of whom wanted to be an only child. Awful.

In AA, I finally left because I couldn't take any more of being told how stupid I was by people who could barely add 2 and 2.

What I know for myself is that sometimes I'm quite smart and sometimes I'm really stupid. The thing is that I can never be sure when I am which. Kanowing this, I try to stay humble even though it is often difficult, being the superior being that I am.

I think I'm getting better. I thinnk of the AA people who considered themselves so much better than I and wish I could introduce them to Dana and Tom. They'd probably all get along fine, agreeing that I am stupid. Maybe, but I'm not stupid enoough to keep trying to get them to smarten up, even a little.

Tony will be here tomorrow and I hope we can get more presents ready for his family.

As I said to my neighbor Ron, after his third disparaging comment about my house, "You should realize that I serve the useful purpose of being a person to whom everyone else can feel superior." I think I need to have that on a T-shirt.

hugs, katie

Katie, that is a perfect answer. Show them their attitude isn't effective, that it's even amusing to you and they lose all power to hurt you.

This photo is from today. Hope it makes everyone feel just a little bit better.

Debra