Apropos of Nothing v.16

Oh, no, Kathy, I'm so very sorry, it doesn't get much harder, and all at once, too. :(

Katie, (((hugs))).

Oh Katie, my heart goes out to you. Remember that you have your DG friends here for you.

Ditto what everyone else said, and more hugs coming your way. So much grief all at once must just be hurting soooo bad. Through it all remember you are loved, by your furries, your family, and many people all around whose lives you have touched.

Kathy, my heart just hurts for you for all you are going through right now. It does certainly seem that circumstances are really prone to hit you again and again when you are down. I sincerely hope that soon things will mellow out for you. Hugs, too. Sharon

Kathy, You have more on your plate than anyone should have to deal with at one time. Sending not only more hugs your way, but wishes of support for your inner strength as well.....

Kathy,
Sorry, too much all at once. Thinking of you!

Hoping for a peaceful final journey for your mom. Warm thoughts.

Thank you guys so much for all your kind thoughts. Knowing that you're all there means the world to me.

Today's a good day and I'll muddle through like others do - hopefully coming out on the other side stronger and wiser.

:-)

{{{{{HUGS}}}}} Kathy.

I admire your ability to keep a positive attitude, Kathy. I need to learn to do the same.

A new flowerbed is in the works- I'm picking up a bunch of broken concrete this evening. I'm going to add to the incomplete ring around the Japanese maple tree in the front yard. I really want to get that whole thing finished this summer.

Goals are good.

So sorry to hear what you are going through Katie. My heart aches for you and yours. Hang in there.

Glad to hear Vana is doing better.

Warm thoughts and good vibrations heading your way, Kathy. It's definitely your turn for some good days. I hope Vana is continuing to do well. And it sounds like you're doing the kind thing for Nick, too, even though it's hard for you.

Thanks again, you guys. I agree that goals are good. I'm going to start thinking about a memorial garden for Nick. I've had some vague ideas, but haven't decided on an area, so I guess it's time for that.

Pony, you can do so much with broken concrete. That'll be a great project. I'm glad your truck is back.

I just got back from lunch with coworkers in downtown Seattle. It's pretty warm, but really tolerable and there are tons of people on the street. I'm guessing that more than a few people will be playing hookey from work this afternoon.

A memorial garden is a lovely idea. My little frog pond/garden is a memorial to my dear friend Ivy, and it's very comforting to me.

That's right. I remember that. I haven't ever had a spot for a memorial garden for one of my dogs, so this will be a nice place to go talk to them.

Great idea, Kathy. A memorial garden has so many possibilities. I like Sofer's idea with heart-shaped things fot his garden.

Me too! And who would have thought he could ever have found so many rocks like that? I have a friend who just lost her Bloodhound (outtamygourd on here). She found some really need designs in rock and ironwork. I may also add a thing like that.

Memory gardens are wonderful places to spend time with those who have left us. I was also very fond of Steve's garden for Sophie, and have been keeping my eyes out for nature's hearts to add to Dad's garden and our pet cemetary.

This message was edited Jul 9, 2010 3:30 PM

Nature's hearts. I like that.

My MIL finds lots of heart-shaped rocks up at Hood Canal.

Katie I was trying to look up something Mia Farrow said many years ago about grief and sorrow. It was so true and I cannot begin to say it in the way that she said it. She had her mother die shortly after that awful mess with Woody and her adopted daughter. It was something about grieving with your whole heart when you need to but living your life fully in between the tragidy and grief that life gives you. That is when you make the memories that become a happy life. I am not saying it right, but when I tried to find it on the internet I discovered her daughter died of cancer and her brother, who was an artist, commited suicide after her nephew was killed in Iraq. I decided to quit looking as this woman has not lead a very happy life. Way too much tragidy.

I am so sorry for your troubles. I think a memory garden is a great idea, and it gets your mind on something else. Sometimes any distraction is appreciated and I cannot think of a better on than designing a new garden.

rebeccanne, thank you. I find it very comforting that you were reminded of that nice saying to pass on to me. I'll be on the lookout for it. Yes, there is plenty of pain to go around, isn't there? But it's definitely about learning to appreciate life in between.

Is it this one?

"I get it now; I didn't get it then. That life is about losing and about doing it as gracefully as possible...and enjoying everything in between."

I like that one a lot. The old "Better to have loved and lost..." seems trite, but when I was so torn up about losing my Dad I had a friend who lost a father at the same time. I was appalled when I asked how he was doing and he said "Oh, just fine. I hadn't talked to him in a few years anyway". I guess you will only experience true grief if you have first enjoyed true love. As I would never trade a day of the love, relatively speaking the grief is a small price to pay. My thoughts are with you tonight Kathy...

Julie, I couldn't have said it better myself.

My SIL always said that she would give anything for a few more minutes with her parents and that she hoped I appreciated all the time I got to have with mine. But, really, no matter how much you have, you can't appreciate fully until it's gone. And what you did have, no matter how much, will never be enough.

There's the pain and the beauty in it. To have enough love that you will miss it forever. What a gift.

That last line was beautifully put. Need to write that down and look at it once in awhile.

Yes. :-) All these thoughts. I'm grateful to be surrounded by such rich and wise women . . .

I have always considered myself lucky when my marriage ended. I didn't love him, probably never did, was too young to marry anyway. But losing him did not hurt at all, was very liberating. I see people who really love their spouse and then lose them and they hurt so badly, either lose them to death or they get left, the pain is just awful. Because they had the joy of loving them before the loss. However I lost my aunt 11 years ago and I still reach for the phone when something really good happens to me, she was the only one that I could really talk to and I have found I cannot replace her so I have this loss that won't go away. Its a price you pay for the joy of loving and being loved. I will never be over losing each and every one of my dogs, I still have dogs and know that around the corner is some pain coming my way.

George Carlin said that when you buy a pet, you buy a tragidy. Because you will out live the pet. He said you should wait till you are 80 then get a turtle and you have a chance. I told this to my vet when I lost one of my dogs and he said, turtles don't have the same eyes.

Katie that was part of what she said. I do remember how much it touched me at the time as I was one to take a perfectly good day and not enjoy it because of worry. I decided to quit doing that and look at life differently.

Kathy, our thoughts are with you. Times seem especially tough right now for you, please let me know if there is anything I can do to help out.

Katie, what i have found is that it is never enough at the time you lose them, but as time passes it becomes enough. somehow the physical loss of my mother seems to have gone, and a psychical, or spiritual, presence replaces it. I still miss her, but there seems a closeness that is just her and me.

Ohhhh, hurrah for that - for those of us with siblings, does that mean I finally get to have my mother to myself!! Every middle child's dream.

I am very touched by what you all are saying. I always agonize about what to say. You are truly a band of sisters. Thank you.

You guys are great. I'll just share this with you and then stop usurping Pony's thread, so we can get back to celebrating our lives and gardens.

My mom died this morning. I have had, for the past year, some feeling that her fate was intertwined with Nick's. It's not a stretch to think of them going so closely together as just a coincidence. But I so feel so strongly that the Universe put him here to meet her when she passed. It's comforting to think of them together.

I'm headed out to enjoy the garden and the sunshine today and celebrate two wonderful people. I hope your days are full of sunshine, as well. And thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and supportive thoughts.

Oh, Sweety... I'm so sorry. I'm at a loss for words... *huge hugs* You gonna be okay?

I don't wanna hear about "usurping Pony's thread"... remember the opening line is "This thread can't be derailed because there's no topic." What you're going through is important. You're important to all of us.

I'm so sorry to dampen this thread. I echo Jan's sentiments completely. It is so difficult to know what to say to someone when they have had a loss. You all have been so emotionally generous with me. That doesn't come easy with topics like this, I know, and I'm honored to be part of such a brave group.

I am doing fine and happy to have the garden to distract me (although I wish it was a bit cooler!).

So . . . I saw a friend's garden last weekend and she had a combo of Coltsfoot-type Petasites, with tall Hosta in front, and then a "skirt" of chartreuse Hakenochloa grass. The Petasites was probably about 18 inches high, maybe 24. Is there a variety, does anybody know, that is this size? The combination was stunning and my neighbors and I would love to try to recreate it. I hope to be able to go back and take some pictures. She's going to be on the Woodinville garden tour next weekend, but I'll be out of town.

Pony, we cross posted. Thank you so much. I just don't want anyone to think that they can't chat or be irreverent because I'm sad. Although, I could go without talking about killing slugs . . . (you know me - I'm mad at them, but I can't kill them) LOL

I've never even heard of any of those plants except the hosta. heh.

{{{{{HUGE HUGS}}}}} here, too, Kathy.

I'm so sorry Kathy. There has been plenty of wisdom from the wonderful people of this forum already, so all I can do is add my voice to the chorus and let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts. I hope your garden, and all of our virtual gardens, can bring you some measure of peace.