January Seed Swap Event-A Closer Look

When I was a playground person at my DDs school, I had a bunch of boys who would go get the ones who flipped up the girls dresses. Then I would tell him the next time I had to go get him, the girls would pull his pants down. Only had to do that twice.

I think wearing your "hat" for crazy hat day would be a great idea! We have that today too. Playground trouble seems to go hand in hand with spring for some reason. We're struggling with issues here also. We talked about what it means to be a good citizen and why that's important (both at home and with the kids I tutor at school). Sort of "character counts" idea along with leadership. I tutor some difficult kids and they've taken the opportunity to step in and stop the meanness in the name of character, some I can't seem to reach. Hope it works out well for you and your kids.

Wear the hat! And good luck with your playground issues - never fun!

Playground issues - I'm so glad i grew up playing with boys & had brothers, because if i couldn't take care of an escalating situation, I knew my older brother & his friends would.
I also learned (at the tender age of 5) that a braided ponytail is a fabby weapon. Until somebody grabs it, at which point my foot engaged them. Then i learned how to spit.
Wow - what a tomboy! But I rarely got messed with...
Reflecting on those days - i had the good fortune to be raised by parents who taught me to believe in myself, and stand up for what is right. Many of my girlfriends were dependant on someone taking care of things for them...like me! These days, I am glad to see more girls being raised to not stand down, and i really appreciate the emphasis on sports & activities like martial arts as confidence builders.

All good ideas, experiences, and wisdom. Thanks guys! Today I put on a little puppet show featuring characters who had problems uncannily similar to the troubles manifesting in real life. I stopped the 'show' periodically so kids could give the characters advice about what they could do and say next that might be a better idea.

Tomorrow I'm going to take Kathy's idea and do some team building games. Rather than separate teams though, I think I'm going to have the whole class be a team together and try to beat our own best time on a few challenges, like getting the hula hoop around the circle without letting go hands. A mix-it-up relay could be good too, where everybody has to go twice, but you switch to the next line to have your second run.

April Fool's Day too. It's going to be an interesting day. Never a boring moment.

I like these:

http://wilderdom.com/games/InitiativeGames.html

They all involved the kids sharing goals and having to rely on one-another to reach those goals.

Great ideas! I love puppet shows. I'd love to have you for a teacher.

I've been thinking about this a lot, Holly, and I'm looking forward to hearing your observations about the kids and how these exercises have impacted them.

I want to send my 'hope it went well' MHF, but for some reason I think the hat alone would have straightened out the problems - who wouldn't come and talk to you when kitted out in a foil hat.

that just made me also think about the talking hat in Harry Potter - perhaps your hat could be donned as the problem sorting hat - the time children could come to you openly with playground problems and be 'sorted' into buddying up pairs/trios/cooperative clusters.

What a creative idea, Laurie!

Holly I did something like that at a mens drummer weekend about 25 years ago. I went out into the woods to do the male bonding thing and on the first night we were tied to a 100# log with 3 other men and blind folded. Our project was to capture the flag that had a sound system to Identify where the flag was. So in the dark, blind-folded we had to travel through a thick forest with logs on the ground tied to this log and race 4 other groups to the flag. Well this was a problem because none of us knew each other and what to do. This led to failing, helping, discussion, choosing a leader, and cooperation. I thought it went well and I "demanded to lead!" and asked that they all talk continually and we overcame the challenge. Of course it was to establish our "types" so we could work on our issues. I wont tell the rest of the night cause it was somewhat unusual.

Nooo, you can't just leave us hanging like that. Do tell.

ROFL - "somewhat unusual". Lemme see, a bunch of men alone in the woods together after having just successfully "bonded"? Hmmmmmm.

OK but this would take all night. I drove into this woodland on a rainy fall cold night. The man at the gate addressed me with "What the f... are you here for?". Somewhat surprised I answered and it just went down hill from there. After getting a boot camp lecture about my cigarettes on the dash and how none of that s/// is allowed here I drove on for about a mile before I found a camp. Being peed about the greeting, I stepped out of the car and several army guys had us stand in the down pour getting soaked for about a half hour. Well I pulled out a cigar and lit it to get even and after taking a few good puffs a group of the green jackets came over to me. Now all of the men there were wondering what the heck I would light up after being told not too and watched to see what would happen. With out anything being said I was pushed down in the mud and the boot of the guy behind me stepped on the cigar and my face and pushed my head in the water to put out the cigar. Well I knew this was going to be fun!

Wow. Classic guy "fun". So basically one group abused you while you bonded with the others. Well, they say, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Give me a drink and a manicure while bonding with my girlfriends any day." :-)

Sounds wild Sofer!! There is no way, however, that I would tie children to a log in the woods no matter how much team building might come of it. I went with the far more tame hula hoop game and the stuffed animal toss, for today. I need some time to get materials together for a few other ideas. Kathy's website link above has some good ideas. I am going for no competition involved in the activity at all, only cooperation for a shared goal that includes the whole class.

Things are getting better, and recess is returning to relatively harmonious play rather than retaliatory plots being hatched and carried out. The kids liked my hat, though it is in need of some structural reinforcement. They were happy I was joining in the fun on the spirit day. Good idea on the problem-sorting hat, Laurie. This could become a tradition!

Can I just throw in a little support for some competition? Life IS competition and I think it's better to leave childhood having had some education in how to prepare for it. We all lose sometimes and win other times and we should know how to do both.

Kids are sophisticated enough that they pay more attention, I think, when there are some stakes. They key is for nobody to win all the time or lose all the time and for nobody to walk away a clear absolute winner or loser, of course. But I know that my friends and I didn't take things as seriously when we weren't challenged emotionally and physically a little bit. Some of that is good; the world is tough and it's best to get practice in a safe place and to learn the tools to cope early on.

Just my two cents worth. :-)

Well Holly another one we did is just as fun. Again cold almost snow night, Barefooted, soaked outside for over 3 hours, hypothermic, we were instructed that we will go for a walk in the creek and through the woods blindfolded again barefooted. Our only rule is that we MUST hold firmly on to the hand in front and behind you and if you let go that person will die. Now we had had a pretty tough night and it was only about midnight. We were kind of worried that they might actually do something weird if that should occur. So we were "locked" together tripping, falling, stumbling barefooted on rocks, logs, slippery stones etc. The blind folds prevented us from seeing where we were and where we were going. Also who was in front or behind us. Now you could hear screams of guys ahead falling down a bank or something into cold water, and the whole string of guys was pulled into this same river from the locked hands and weight of many falling. This concerned many and all started telling what we felt with our feet and how steep, where the logs were, how slippery was the bottom rocks etc. We learned to talk and pass information from the person in front to the people behind. And the worry lessened. Soon we were setting the pace as a group and cooperating with the person next to us to get over the logs etc. Hands locked even with cramps from hypothermia we came to our destination of a outdoor bonfire and were allowed to take off our blinders. We now had relationship with the person in front and behind and felt the bond of them caring enough to save our life by gripping strongly when we slipped or fell.

sheesh! remind me not to go on a walk with you....

I hear your point of view, Kathy, but for this particular purpose I want to emphasize that cooperation is equally important a concept in human interaction, and the challenges can be difficult even when there is a goal we all strive for together...not dropping the ball while it is passed back and forth...beating our own group time to complete a round...getting as many tennis balls as possible into the basket in 5 minutes of relay. There are plenty of places and times that they are in competitive situations. I'm just balancing it out a bit.

Yipes!! Sofer!! Well the hand holding walk sounds better to me than being tied to a log!!!

This message was edited Apr 1, 2010 10:42 PM

Next as we shivvered the only way of warming up was to strip naked and hang our clothes on the lines and get next to the fire. We were all kind of energised by the warmth and excited to see faces (and bodies) of the men we had been with all night. Talk started up and no supervision around we anxiously discussed the events so far that night. "How Weird this has been!" was the general synopsys. Laughter and pats on the back, happy exchange was the moment. Nakedness was suddenly natural. Now a group of men (green jackets) came in also naked with bags filled with something and we discovered drums and passing them out they just started beating on their drums. Everyone else started in and soon a rythym of joined percussion ensued. Maybe a leader started but the rythym caused more joy and dancing began. We pounded and danced smiled and became a tribal group united in song and dance. Some jumping boisterously some just drumming. All smiles with the warmth of the fire. Hoops and hollars continued for a long time. Note no food, water, or anything yet had been provided.

After about 40 or so minutes we were led into a room that was heated and quite warm. Now the green coats divided us up and told us that no noise of any kind would be allowed but their own until dawn. We were ordered to face the man they teamed you up with and told only to blink but to look each other eye to eye without moving. This is weird I thought to have someone I don't know to stare at. Now ordered to stand nose to nose to continue. This was a long silent hour (probably only 5 minutes) of staring. Corrections were hollered if anyone smiled or coughed. Next we were told to tell the person in your face with out speaking to express anger. Then after a time, hatred, then passive expression, then joy, then peace, then concern, then acceptance etc. This lasted for about an hour and we were instructed to sit down. Ahhh that felt good because we had been standing since arriving about 6 pm and it was who knows what time. I was starting to become tired. We were instructed to remain in our silence and continue our looking at the face across from us.

This time is fuzzy but I remember the room was lit only by candles and it made it quite difficult to stay awake. We were give a set of questions to determine why we had come and what our purpose here was. It had a lot of soul searching questions to fill in the blanks and anyone dozing was slapped with a fly swatter to keep awake and continue working on the questionaire. Sometime during the night we were allowed to return to our rooms for 10 minutes to change into our other clothes and return to the lodge for more "work".

So what was this thing you were at?

Starting to get a little worried about the June RU.....

The work continued in a competition of all there (30) to be with 15 counselors who joined in with the events. We chose names of a kind of a person who we most respected and were known only with that name all weekend so anonimity could be preserved. Tests of Speed, stamina, determination, willingness, trust, courage etc were all determined with one person ending up as the top of each class of competition. This was not physical but emotional issues we had brought with us to overcome. We were getting to know each other and the rest of the night was mind blowing. Morning came and we continued without food or water and rest. The rest truely cannot be told because personal issues were identified and through continual cooperation we helped each man there deal with what he wanted to change in his life, become, set goals, and we bonded with and eternally accepted his limitations, successes, emotions (or lack thereof), to at the end of 42 hours of no sleep. We sat in a hot house at the end and connected to the "one who gives power" and released to God (in my case) our weakness, worries, fears, and anything inpeding our growth to become the man we chose. This weekend was followed by meeting with 8 men in the greater Seattle area who met and worked together to build on the lessons of that weekend. This lasted for me two and a half years.

Steve, needless to say, that's pretty powerful.

Gwen, you're killing me. :-) Hahahahahahahah.

I forget the name. It was a men beating on drums sort of thing that was centered around the books "Fire in the belly" and another that was all the thing at that time in America. You don't need to worry about anything because that was the beginning of my growth as a Man that you have all enjoyed (or not) here on DG. No nakedness with any of the Rendezvous events in Montana. Though lots of gardens, Glacier Park, fireside chats each night and hikes around Flathead valley.

Sofer, all I can say is Wow. What an experience. Good for you.

Intense, Sofer!!!

Thanks, Gwen, I was drinking coffee and now I have a mess to clean up.

Holly, have the kids form a tight circle, then turn to the right, then start to sit down. Everyone will be sitting on the knees of the person behind them and no one will fall down. It looks pretty cool.

Well, Sofer, what an experience. It sounds like a very deep emotional thing. I do remember going skinny dipping in college with a bunch of friends - in some natural hot springs in the Eastern Sierras. But we had drink, plenty of drink. And I recall something to smoke that was not a cigar.

wow - and you endured. Must be a guy thing - I would never subject myself to any of it. No time & what would the intended purpose be? I hope it was worth all the hassle. Ah, but lest i forget, women endure childbirth, and that requires years of enduring the outcome!

I have decided to set my cup down whiling reading this thread - I really didn't want to end up like katie, snorting it all out! MHF and Gwen, I loved your quiet repostes to Sofer. Sofer - you do make me wonder - I hope I get to meet you someday. The bunch of you, well - I am sitting here enjoying and smiling. Thank you. xo

Well thank God I don't have to worry about bringing my saggy baggy, stretched -out birthday suit to Montana.

Sofer, what a great opportunity to learn about oneself and your companions. A tad bit more physical than I'd welcome. I fear that 48 hours without sleep would make me less that fun to be with on so many levels. Sounds like the adventure of a lifetime.

I've been thinking about Sofer's adventure, and trying to imagine going through the water barefoot, in cold damp weather, blindfolded. I don't think I would have made it.

I personally don't even want to start wondering about why Sofer did such a thing . . . but if it made him a better man, well . . . who am I to question. Or did it just make him different from what he used to be?

MHF, how did it go? I think the children in your class are so fortunate to have you for their teacher.

Sofer, you are either one heck of a man, or a very good BS'er. We all know what a great story teller you are! I cannot even imagine that kind of nakedness, not even on the Discovery or Sundance channels. All I can picture is that terrifying scene in Deliverance.

I did this after my divorce when I hated women. Really hated! I looked for insight on how to overcome my anger. The group I started met weekly and discussed the books "Fire in the Belly" and "Iron John" these were very popular books with men in the 80's in trying to find out who they are, how to fit into a world that was demanding men NOT be men but rather soft, submissive,demure bodies. A very confusing time for men and these books gave us a grip on who men are and how they can rise above the chaos of women's empowerment to survive the new order. There were 2 men in this class who went to the weekend described and returned the next week changed men. I wanted part of that. I was not aware of any of what went on because it was strictly prohibited to tell anyone. So off I went to the next session. The whole thing was 2 men to one counselor who over saw all that we didn't (while blind) and worked with us in group and alone to focus the growth of the people there. There were men there who admitted to rape, abuse to women, alcohol abuse, and many other less dramatic events. Many were sent by their wives because they saw the "man" that came home from other wives discussions with them. Every man went home better some stayed with it as I did and it changed their lives. I met with the same men every tuesday evening for over 3 hours in a shed out in a swamp near Woodinville. We smudged and challenged each other to areas that no growth was happening. It was wonderful. By the way I left the weekend with my goal to enhance the power of women and accept their differences. But I also left defending the character of the Male Archetypes to remain viable in a changing world. Much better than Hating all women and responding with anger to their differences.

Hey, whatever works for you to find your direction in life at a time when you had been dealing with big changes and strong emotions. More power to you to stay with it all the way and form a group to support each other in your transformation.

Murmer, I had a good time with the kids today. As always, I learn as I go what works and how to explain the goal more clearly (when somebody does not quite get it). Whenever I try anything new, I have a couple of kids who get overly excited. I am utterly exhausted after a couple of weeks that felt like they stretched on forever with all the meetings, stuffing report cards in envelopes, and phone calls to parents. I had bus duty too, and ended my week helping a little guy in a bus line whose thermos had leaked all over his backpack, ruining his picture he was taking home to his mom. Then there was the snack time on Tuesday where one of my more lively fellows decided to see what would happen if he twisted his go-gurt package in the middle. I heard a small explosion, and a pink blob of goo was sailing through the air splattering all the children in its wake. And on Thursday, somebody dropped their lunchbox in the hall and there was rice pudding all over the place, and at the same time another student was throwing a fit because he had forgotten his lunch altogether and had to have the school lunch (tuna salad) which he did not like. I have to admit I was not very sympathetic about that one having grown up eating what was put before me. And today everybody came in all muddy and wet from recess, but at least, thank God, my kids were being decent to each other and the festering meanness of earlier in the week seems mostly resolved. I have not gone through freezing water blindfolded like Sofer, but I am nonetheless ready for a breather.

This message was edited Apr 2, 2010 11:07 PM

Gosh, Steve. This is your book - not that namby pamby descriptive 'life is beautiful' stuff. This is the most compelling thing I've seen you write - it's easy to get caught up in your passion. You were quite eloquent about what you were looking for. I must confess that I remember the books and all the talk about them, but didn't ever try to read them. I love the phrase "chaos of women's empowerment". It's quite visual, any release of something artificially fettered (for whatever reason) springs with huge momentum in the other direction and if that momentum isn't guided, it can lose balance. Then everything around it needs to settle into the new dynamic. Good stuff for thought.

Holly, your week sounds a little like freezing water to me. So many things you can only help with because you can't completely fix them FOR the kids. What a challenge, assisting new people on their journeys to independent problem-solving and adulthood.