Trespassers... ugh

Does anyone here have problems with trespassers? I'm so fed up with "them" that I would LOVE to get a gun and shoot out their tires when they come up our driveway! Please take note that we do NOT own a gun and I do NOT want any firearms in my house, but I'm to the point where if I could see just one of the [deleted] their pants I'd laugh with glee for a week! We've even put a chain across our driveway, but that doesn't stop them. We've posted no trespassing signs, private drive signs, and beware of dog signs, but that doesn't stop them. Our driveway is steep and long and the house sits on a bluff out of view from the road or our neighbors (absolute privacy). As a matter of fact I grew up in this area and had no idea this house was even here. That's how well hidden away we are, and that's one of the big reasons we fell in love with the place at first sight. I suppose some of the blame is our own as we did have a cat come in and widen the driveway which made it MUCH more obvious from the road, but was necessary as even a 4x4 needs to take a run just to make it up in the winter. I'm sure that most of the people SNOOPING are thinking to themselves "now I wonder just what could be up there?", but this is our little piece of sanctuary and the invasions into that have been too many. One of the first things I said when we laid eyes on this house was "I could walk around in my underwear and not worry about anyone!", but because of people that have no da**ed business being up here that hasn't proven true. Do any of you have advice as to what else we could do to discourage the curious? We have discussed getting a big territorial dog, but would have to start with a pup and train him and that would take too long since we need an effective deterrant NOW. We have debated on spikes/nails in the driveway, but our unsuspecting friends and family wouldn't be too happy with flat tires. We have even considered putting in a security camera, but the cost, maintenance, and running the wire for hundreds of feet just doesn't seem logical. Thanks for letting me vent and any ideas (even the absurd and farfetched) are appreciated!
Autumn