It has been 11 weeks, since he died. It has been, and still is very hard for me, and my DH, who I underestimated, how much he loved the Horsie. We had a friend come to visit, for a few days...and this man is obtuse, I get that...but he never asked about Horsie...(I find myself, liking this man, just a little less, than before)
There is a short list of things that are better, since Horsie has left.
1. sleep. I am able to sleep for more than an hour or two, at a time...Horsie did rounds, all night, and he was like the town crier. "2am, and all is well!" and he did that every two hours..And he always felt the need, to come into my room, to announce the 'all is well' DH told me, that was why I couldn't sleep, and since I was unaware of what was waking me, I didn't believe him...
and
2. There are no more presents and/or, gut piles, on the door mat...there was a need, to always check, before stepping outside, to check the mail. Now there are gifts of dead leaves, courtesy of Corky..and that brings me to
3. Corky. He wouldn't be here, if Horsie was...and that has been a blessing at times, and also a curse.
I am fortunate to have him, and he, me...he would have been put to sleep by now, if I had not found him...I wonder about his sisters...
I never want to forget Horsie...and I feel a little guilty, loving another cat...I remember when my cat Meg, died..Horsie was a kitten, and I told him, "I will love you, but NEVER as much as I loved Meg:
and we all know, how that worked out. I got up, during the night, and Corky was sleeping so soundly he didn't stir...and my heart, just froze....'what if he leaves me too?' He finally woke up, and like a kitten, he wanted to play...at 3am?? He is a real snuggler and he always lays his head, on my shoulder and purrs into my ear, then he raises his head, gazes adoringly into my eyes, and bites my nose!
When I am working outside, where I am going in just a few minutes..I catch glimpes of a cat, out of the corner of my eye...I find comfort, in thinking it is the Horsie, and he is still being the Supervisor. Corky comes to check on me,like the Horsie, did...but Corky, being a kitten, and over stimulated by everything outside, won't let me pet him, out there...when he does things the Horsie did..I ask him, if a big grey and white cat, has been whispering. in his ear...and I tell him not to listen to him, when he tells him, that brushing, is a bad thing...(Horsie hated to be brushed)
There are days when I think I am better..no tears, when I think of him...and I take joy in Corky...and then there are days when I feel like all my nerves are exposed, and I cry, all the time...Yesterday, was one of those days...today, is not going to be.
