Are you a "mean" parent?

Could put this thread in parenting forum but seems a bit more traffic here and want to include parents of adult kids to. :)

Have you seen this article? What's the meanest thing you've done?

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080109/ap_on_fe_st/odd_car_ad

Hip hip HURRAY for a parent actually enforcing said punishment for broken rules. And to have "rules"....is it just me or do many of today's households not have rules? I was lucky....so were my parents LOL, I was pretty much a good enough kid I didn't have to be governed much.

Well...I guess my daughter thought I was pretty mean. Her first vehicle was taken back from her because she wasn't paying us back (just small payments), even though she had a part-time job (that was our deal). She was put on restriction quite a bit, too. That old story...."not mine, one of my friends must have left it there". Guess it could be true, once in a while. BTW, my daughter now has two teenagers. Deja vu. She knows now that being a parent is unbelievably hard...more so now, I think, than it was before.

I was a strict parent! My daughter let me know the other day that she had shared one of my warnings with her now 13 yr old and almost 12 yr old......It goes something like this:

"If you EVER take my car, I will call the police and have you arrested." I WILL PROSECUTE! You are not autherized to use my vehicle, and therefore it will be THEFT!" You will sit in jail. I will NOT bail you out! Don't even think about it! This is a promise!"

The reason behind the "Promise" was that some of my co-workers' children had taken their parents car out on a JOY RIDE, and had an accident, unlicensed, uninsured. I was a single parent, my only car, my only way to work. I could not have afforded such a traumatic situation. Due to the high cost of car insurance in Texas, my children did not get their licenses until they were much older, and could pay for it themselves. I am proud to say, they never did take my car without permission!

We had a few ups and downs, but they were both basicly good kids! I believe that you do have to have "Rules" for every age! Once they are able to understand yes and no....you better let them know their boundaries. It is for their safety as well as being respectfull.

There were some teens here not long ago that stole an SUV, and then hit a parked train, and some of them were killed!!!! Rules are meant so that they can grow up to be adults.

Once when my son was about ten yrs. old, I asked him, "Do you want to live to see tomorrow???" Being raised in Christian School, he replied, "The Bible says that thou shall not kill!" I had to keep a straight face and say, firmly, "Yes, so that children can grow up to be adults!!! I quoted the scripture about honoring your parents....."that ye shall live LONG upon the earth....and that means past tomorrow!!!"

I usually tried to explain why I wanted them to behave a certain way, not just because "I told you so!" My stepfather was a Marine. We were marched around like little Marines. Even tho, I love and respected him very much (he's deceased)
I wanted to rule with "tough love", not just because I was the boss!

I do believe you have to start early and be consistant. It pays off in the end. You not only get great kids, but great grandchildren as well! Good luck!

Nice point Texasgal77! Oh yes, I live for the day of my reward, the grandkids!

Reminds me of a short blurb in my Parents magazine, a father was trying to get his 4-year-old boy to behave in church. At wit's end he told the boy, "This is the last time or I'm taking you out of here and you will be in big trouble." Well, the boy couldn't resist and acted out again. The father scooped him up and headed for the exit. Upon reachin the door the boy looked towards the congregation and yelled, "PLEASE PRAY FOR ME!"

We are the parents of 2 daughters. They are 13 and 15. It is so hard!!!! Ok, Mom, I admit it, "It is HARD!" Now that I have that out of the way, yes, we are probably the strictest (or most strict?) parents out of our group of friends. We feel that it is our responsiblilty to raise these girls with their virture intact! I tell the girls all the time that I will answer to God one day for how I raised them! Enough said! I would rather the girls be mad at me! I find myself saying what my Mom said to me - If you are mad at me, then I am doing my job well!

Necia

HA, good one! If you're mad at me then my jobs done. :)

I figure I'll be one of the most conservative and strict parents around when my kids hit the ages of accountability. I plan to homeschool so that right that will minimize their exposure to the kids who "have it all". I do not believe in allowing video gaming into the house. And yes, technology is great but my goodness I've seen 6 graders with cell phones at their ear walking out of the school....quite strange to me. I made it just fine without all that and so will my kids.

Talk about MEAN!!!!!!!!!!

Being a grandmother is also hard. When your child has problems with her/his children and doesn't want your input, you have to keep quiet. And pray that it all works out in the end. With my grandson it took a lot of counseling and time, but it looks like he is on the right path again.

We do homeschool! Almost every one of my DDs' friends have a cell phone (most are homeschooled, also!) That and not having cable tv is what the girls complain about the most. It doesn't make sense to DH and I that if the girls are either at home (where we have a land line) or with me (I have a cell phone) that they would need their own! My 15 y.o. is thinking about getting a job soon, so she will be allowed to get her own phone at the time that she is able to pay for it. At that point, she will actually be in need of one as she would have to walk to and from work.

Also, as far as cars go, we have told both girls that we will match what they have saved (up to a certain amount!) when they are ready to buy a car. It will have to be paid for in full. No payments! We are also only going to 'help' with college. From personnel experience, I know that one is not motivated to make good grades when they have a free ride.

I sound really mean, don't I? LOL

Necia

No you sound great, keep up the good work.
Josephine.

Linda: yes from that perspective it is hard also. I don't know how I'd manage to see my grandkids going awry and no one wanting my advice!

Earthtiller: you sould like my bosom buddy! I agree, if they want "things" then they can earn and buy them. NO CABLE here either, LOL!!! I was weird growing up, still am I guess, I never had a phone glued to my ear. My friends just came over or I went over there, lol. Can you believe, I had to WALK home from school! That's my only exception (but won't need that because we'll be homeschooling) but in this day it is rather unsafe to have kids walk home unattended.

The car idea, going halves, is genius, and what Dave Ramsey radio financial expert also does for his kids. I wouldn't pay for college 100% but you know I went on pell grants and not sure that's the same as parents paying the bill as far as outlook on it but I sure worked hard. I went to extra tutoring for harder classes and did everything I could to be an A/B student.

My DH has mean parents by these standards. They both made good livings but neither chipped in a dime for college and he didn't qualify for aid. They didn't help him buy cars and never co-signed. He's turned out rather amazing though!