I received this in my inbox today:
Dear Dave, I'm really getting frustrated with your garden web site, It seems nobody ever responds, over half of the people all want something and have nothing to offer in exchange, only 2 people have emailed me back the rest have tottally ignored me. Please give me some pointers, I,m ready to move on to a new garden ,seed exchange if this keeps up,Why do they post the stuff and then not answer back, I think they should realize alot of us don't have the more exotic seeds etc. Anyhow, I dont mean to ramble on but its really frustrating,I see now why people pay to belong to seed exchanges,it's alot less hassle and they get results. Thanks
How would you respond?
Dave
Some thoughts...
I respond to people if I have something they are looking for, I have responded to newbies looking for any seeds for SASEs, and have responded when people post on my posts.
But if I dont have what they are looking for, there would be no point in responding.
I feel awful that this person has not had the response she was expecting.
I hope we can show this person that we are all in it to have fun and trade and share experiences etc.
Hmmmm... What can you think? I think in most cases when someone doesn't respond - they're not interested in what's offered to them. If a trader post she has clasping coneflowers seeds for trade and WANTS other native perennials .... then someone comes along and offers her pink petunia seeds..... there's a good chance that the poster may not respond. Especially if she has a large number of post to deal with. Maybe it's rude not to respond - but I've never been offended.
I've been on both ends - as the poster & the seeker. If people are looking for certain things they may not respond to offers they aren't interested in. Myself...I find it rather awkward to say no.... I feel like I have to give a big lengthy explanation why I don't want to trade for what they've offered. If I get bombarded with trade offers that I do want.... I may forget to respond all together. It's just part of the trading game. I really think some people get too upset & offended over trivial stuff. Everyone on DG has lives to lead ... as boring as some of them might be LOL!
I don't think the trading season for seeds is in full swing yet. I know most of my seeds are still in trays un-cleaned and I'm no where near ready for trading. Things will be picking up soon as the gardening season winds down and we're all stuck inside.
Dave, I kinda know how she/he might feel. But I would say that it all depends on the type of seeds they are posting about. Most of the older poster's seem to already have most of the common flowers and seeds, therefore they are more into the exotic type flowers. And for the newer member's that don't have anything to trade...well we all had to start somewhere didn't we?? Meaning that my first few months on here "I" didn't have anything to trade eaither but everyone here was more than happy to help me out by sending me tons of seeds in which I had nothing to give back to them. they done it to make me feel welcome. But with this being my 2nd season for trading, I have more than I did last season, so I am able to trade now. and I am able to send seeds out to the now newbie's and feel as though I am putting out the Welcome Mat for them just like everyone done for me.
I can understand someones initial dissapointment with lack of responce. It's happened to me on a couple of occations with plants I've offered for trade. At first it can feel like a real kick in the teeth, especially if your new here. But after a while you have to realise that not everyone here wants to trade and maybe not what you have to offer. Also when you email a member through DG, if I get no responce, I've learnt to accept it. Thats the great freedom DG offers everyone. It gives you the opportunity to respond or not respond, and I think (if i recall correctly) when you email it explains this. Just like life, you take the rough with the smooth, pick yourself up and have another go. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try, try again......
I have to say that I too know how this newbie feels. At first I was a little taken back when I got no answer. I even had one person who received my sase and after 2 months of emailing her I gave up on her and the seeds I wanted. I just make it a point not to trade with that person again. If I had decided in the beginning to stop with Dave's site I really would have missed out on some wonderful friendships I have made here. It is the greatest place on the web to me. I enjoy the freedom and all the caring and kindness shown here. Its like we are one big family spread all over the world. Newbie don't give up.
Stay a while and you will find it is worth a few disappointments. Most of the people here are the best in the world. I would not trade my friendships here for all the trading or responses in the world.
WELL SAID MY FRIENDS!!!!
"EYES"
It could also be that some of them that may not have responded are for other reasons... They may not have got the email some isp's are awful and you don't get all your emails or the person she wrote to crashed or had to reformat.Which in my case is exactly what happened I have been spending the last week and and a half trying to get my pc back together I lost all emails I had in my inbox and also my address book. So if anybody has written to me in the last 2 weeks and I haven't responded thats why so please write again. All my trades where out. But I had a trade request from somebody in Canada but lost that in in the reformat and don't know who it was I have been trying to check the post... but... thats my point sometimes things like that happen to keep people from replying and then some people don't check there email very often I know I have written people for a trade and it might be 2 weeks before I hear from them.So maybe she is not giving it enough time for a reply.But like others above said don't take it personal.Keep on trying to get what your looking for and somebody will come along that has is it and don't get offended when someone doesn't want what you have to trade for what they are offering. Most people when they trade plants especially need a plant in return to fill the gap they left by removing that plant and want something they don't already have.Trading aside you will find more friendships here then you will trades in the long run. Thats more important to me than all the trades in the world.This is one big happy family and I hope she hangs around long enough to find that out.:)
I still consider myself a very new person here but want to say that everyone has been so kind and helpful. I'm sorry the person is feeling upset and frustrated but maybe no one wanted what they had to trade. It's difficult to communicate with 3000 people and expect everyone to want all the same plants. Congratulations Dave, on your diplomacy and team approach in trying to solve this concern. I hope this person doesn't give up on Dave's Garden. I login to your site everyday and consider "Dave's people" very good friends. vic
And the solution... 'Plant and they will come'[remember 'Build & they will Come'?]...In other words ,I believe in giving and sharing among others and you yourself will have great abundance!I love to share w/the newbies as they are starting out.I, personally, do not like them to pay me for postage.And I love Dg's !...Jane
diddo, diddo, diddo, diddo.........
I don't think I could add anything else to all the wonderful comments about DG's traders or the reasons why some emails are not returned.
You guys said it all and very well!
Brenda
:o)
Keep smilin'
PS... Mystic it was me that email you from Canada for a trade and I have emailed you when I saw your comment on one of my threads. Computers can be a headache sometimes :o) Thanks for trying to find me.
I am almost one month old in DG and I have to say that I was very welcome from all of you.For every question I had answers and I learned more here than anywhere.
The trades were always honored and I really met very very nice people.
Thank you again Judith and Tim for bringing me here.
Dont go away.
Stay with us
Hmmm....well, I think part of the problem is that Dave's just isn't that big yet, although it's growing by leaps and bounds. I posted larkspur and ammi majus for SASE the other day and only had one response compared to 51 from the "other site". I suspect that is because of the size of the membership. However, I still prefer Dave's because it's much less restricted and any sort of thread might spring up. I traded a lot last year, my first year, and received so many seeds I still have not planted them all. I had to stop until I get all of those planted. But an SASE is a free giveaway and when I have more seeds than I can possibly use or give to friends, then I offer them here. I suppose this person already has these, is not interested in them or wants something more "exotic". Or else, isn't taking time to explore the Seed Exchange thoroughly.
People not responding is something that goes on everywhere. Speak to any nursery who send out catalogues and they will say the same, this is why so many smaller nurseries ask for a small fee or postage for their lists. Recently I spoke to a local nurseryman who said he expects only about 25% of the catalogues sent out to yield customers. The internet is infinitly cheaper to list your goodies and state what you want (if anything) in return.
I'm sure all gardeners will understand that not everyone has exotic or hard to find seed, especially if they are new. Please remember that exotics and unusual plants are exactly that because they don't produce much seed or are very hard to grow in the first place. If you have a small amount of unusual seed its a useful tool to trade for something you really want. If the trader has plenty of something, then the majority will send a few seeds of it out for SASE or a more usual trade, but often they don't have masses of seed to give out.
While we may post our lists, this isn't a binding agreement to trade with absolutely everyone who sends a request. The trader may not have enough to share out. Sending an email even just to regret that you cannot trade is polite but again you can't force them to answer. I'm sure most traders have missed a couple of emails at sometime purely by accident.
To take the other view point, its very frustrating when you post a trade only for some particular species, to be bombarded with emails and requests for SASE or something you already have. If I can spare some seeds then I will but if I can't then I have to say no. This often leaves both parties feeling bad and sometimes having to set up seperate email addresses just for trading. I've not found this at Dave's so far, but I have from other web sites with larger memberships. I lost almost the whole of one Genus of a collection over the winter and posted a request for this particular genus only. Out of 70+ replies, only 2 yielded something I wanted, only to find I had nothing the other traders wanted. I can't say I wasn't disappointed, but I was more disappointed from the occasional bad reaction when I had to refuse a trade, but I wasn't put off.
If you are really looking for something but no one is answering then keep trying from time to time, it may be that someone is waiting for the plant to flower and set seed or aquires the plant later in the year and then has the seed to trade. There is nothing to stop anyone using a variety of web sites for trading but you cannot jugde the level of interest or content of postings anywhere.
i have only been here a little bit, and the seeds i have to trade are pretty common, but i have had several trades. and i have had a couple of people just offer me what i was asking about. Out of the goodness of their hearts. I hope to oneday get into more of the exotic seeds, but i realize it will take time. Meanwhile i do enjoy it here, it is a very friendly site. and hopefully after awhile i will figure out more of the real names to the plants, I did just buy 2 new books with pictures that goes into all that stuff.When you quit learning, you may as well quit living! So Give me time and i will learn what a Brug is, how to get seeds from all the flowers i have, and all the other stuff. *****Thank you Dave for a Wonderful site, and thanks to all the people I have traded with!(if my packaging skills weren't so hot to begin with, sorry, I have learned from the excellent examples you have set. ) And What have you got to trade ? To all the ones i haven't met yet!
I always try to acknowledge any request made to me, BUT..There are a lot of forums and threads here and I cannot possibly read them all on a regular basis. I do answer E=mails and have not felt ignored here. Sometimes I post and there is no response, That is because no one had anything to say to or about my post or felt that saying nothing was the better choice. This is fine!
Trades and SASE are just one aspect of DG and since the site offers so much more than that I would keep coming back even if I never exchanged or recieved a single plant or seed! I hope this person will stay around and get to know how wonderful the folks here are! Many of us have only limited plants and seeds to trade and what we have may not be of interest to long time gardeners but believe me I always feel great when I can share with someone.
Very well said one and all. i think all of the bases have been covered, but wanted to take the time to thank Dave for this site, and all the other members for their caring personalities. I have learned so much from you all.
trailingon