Muahahaha ok, this is totally tasteless, but such is the way.
Anyone who can tell me a blonde joke I HAVE NOT heard wins a few cuttings of my chocolate mint! Postage free, will be sent in a wet paper towel in a plastic baggie inside a small cardboard box, to preserve it til it gets to you.
Only works if I haven't heard your joke, you can try as many times as you like. I'll let you know whether I've heard them or not.
Jokes which are _truly_ tasteless probably shouldn't go on the thread. You can D-mail them to me, though. I've heard some that are worse, I'm sure. >:)
*laugh*
-Sev
CLOSED: Quick... contest...like...thing. Chocolate mint.
Oh, this is so fun, but then, I'm not a blonde! Alas, I already have the mint....But I'm eagerly awaiting the jokes. Anyone?
There was this blonde who had too much chocolate mint and decided to do a contest to get rid of it; the idiots all fell for it.
LOL
Here is my joke
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said.
After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Funny funny, but I've heard em. I heard the bowling version of 'golf balls' too, but don't remember it well enough to tell it yet.
-sev
suffering from blonde memory
Oh c'mon....I KNOW you haven't heard the one about the blonde who had too much chocolate mint......!
why did the blonde get fired from the m&m factory? she threw away all the w's!
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and
help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to
get it started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when
it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's
a tiger."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets
him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to
her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be
able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a
nice cup of tea, and then ..." He sighed........
"Let's put all the Frosted Flakes back in the box.......
My husband's latest...
Blonde goes to Target and sees shiny thing looking like overgrown bullet. Says to store manager, "That object is lovely, but what's it for?"
Store Manager says, "That's a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
Blonde is amazed, purchases Thermos and takes it to work with her. Co-worker sees it on her desk and says, "Whatcha got there?"
Blonde says, "It's my new Thermos. It keeps hot stuff hot and cold things cold."
Co-workers says, "I can see that, but what do you have in it?"
Blonde replies, "My coffee and a couple of popsicles."
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!
March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!
December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!
What a year!!
A blond and her corvette are broke down by the side of the road. A man stops to help and opens the hood. He tells her to try to start it while he fiddles with the carburator. The car fires right up. The bond asks, "what was wrong?" The man answers, "Krap in the carburator".
The blond blushes and thinks about this for a while and asks, "How many times a day?"
This message was edited Nov 27, 2007 12:26 PM
My favorite…
Blonde man, dark-haired man, and blonde woman stand at the edge of a river trying to figure out how to get across. The river is very wide, very deep, and very fast, and they must make it to the other side in spite of the danger.
The blonde man says, “I’m big and strong. I see no other way. I’m going to swim,” and he jumps in the water. He does just fine until about halfway across and the fast current gets him, he’s pulled under and drowns.
The brunette man says, “There’s got to be a better way.” He eyes the trees near the riverbank. “I’m big and strong. I bet I could make a boat,” he says. It was hard work, but after several hours he believes he has a worthy craft. He makes himself a couple of oars, waves good-bye to the blonde woman and heads out across the river, rowing for all he’s worth. Unfortunately, mid-steam the boat capsizes and he meets the same fate as the blonde man.
The blonde woman, seeing the demise of her partners, says, “There’s got to be a better way. “I’m big and strong. I bet I can make it.” And she crosses the bridge.
Sev, I have choc mint but my favorite blond joke (brings back good memories) is:
What's the mating call of a blond?
I am soooooo drunk. (you have to use your best 'valley girl' accent on this line')
A very blond friend of mine told this one at a bar once and the bartender shot soda out his nose.
Ok. Here's my attempt. Hoping for some Chocolate Mint to come my way.
Carol
What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes.
What is it when a blonde blows into another blondes ear? Data transfer
Why did the blonde ask her friends to save their burned-out light bulbs?
She needed them for the darkroom she was building.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
Change.
How do you confuse a blonde?
You don't. They're born that way.
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
ROFL Okay, you win the prize! Gardening AND blonde joke all wrapped into one!
And I haven't heard it before. :)
Will send your mint out tomorrow, when hubby can take the box to the mail (I can't due to illness right now).
-Sev
Feel free to keep the jokes coming, though - they're fun!
I am LOVING this tread! so glad I came upon it. I know I've heard some, but I never remember jokes. Keep it going!
... oh, and... are you kidding?! I got four or five VERSIONS of the chocolate mint one when hubby found out about the experiment the boys and I did on another thread lol
I'll still send mint to those who are willing to send stamps enough to get it. 3 for an envelope, 5 for a little box to get it through the post. If you want to toss in an extra to help me pay for the packaging bits, it's appreciated but not necessary.
-Sev
Woohoo! Doing the plant dance. Thank you for all the fun. It sure brightened my day. :)
Carol
Quoting:
Gardening AND blonde joke all wrapped into one!
That's exactly what I thought! LOL!! Good jokes here. ;-)
Three blondes (natural) died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom, they had to tell him what Easter was.
The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."
St. Peter said, "Blondes," and he banished her to hell.
The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."
St. Peter said, "Booboo," and he banished her to hell.
The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said, "So, tell me."
She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.
St. Peter said, Verrrrry good."
Then the blonde continued, "Now every year the Jews roll away the boulder, and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."
St Peter fainted.
An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop, and stay overnight. The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her. She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can't get out of the room!" "You can't get out of your room?"; the captain asked. "Why not?" She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"