My constant attempts to feel just "normal"

I am bipolar, but not severely so in that Wellbutrin and klonapin in small doses helps a great deal. I don't take any other meds but blood pressure meds.

The computer is both a curse and a incredible blessing to me. Without it I would not have become such a fanatic gardener or learned so much about every topic imaginable. My problem is just when I think I have found a new "solution," and have bought the supplement, I research further only to discover that the stuff is toxic. One example is cinnamon. I have been reading that it controls blood sugar and does all kinds of wonderful things. I began taking about a half teaspoonful a day.
After a couple of months a friend who must be a full time supplement researcher warned me that I must stop cinnamon because of the liver damage connection (Google it!) However, cinnamon from Ceylon does not have the toxic substance, and I have ordered it from the web. Then I learned that chocolate is so good for the heart and other things so I have been drinking home made cocoa frequently. THEN I leaned that the Dutch process or European process extracts the most potent chemicals and really is not that theraputic for antioxidents. More research. Pure organic cocoa is the answer with tons of antioxidents. Then after buying almond milk and pure organic cocoa to make the cocoa, I find that it can be dangerous too. I should only drink it now and then. (Google it) I drank my first cup last night and was up until 2:30 (I am allergic to caffine, and it is not supposed to have as much as Nestles or Hersheys.) I could go on and on about substances which were highly recommended and which subsequently were found to be dangerous. (Johns Hopkins study on the effective use of vitamins C and E in large doses to prevent alzheimers) This turned out to cause strokes. I consequently have small vessel echemia in my brain- not a good thing!

I have found my two cats, cooking, reading, napping, gardening, and a low level of social life are probably the most theraputic things which couldn't have a toxic effect. Each night I thank God that I have what I DO have and do not focus on the tremendous losses in my life. Meditation also is extraordinarily theraputic, and I have been doing that for five years. It has gotten me through the worst crises of my life, bringing peace when I thought I didn't want to live anymore. I just turned 65; years ago I never thought I would even reach this age. Now I am just an old, sad lady who gets confused easily.

I see familiar names on this forum. God bless you all. Struggling with the beast is never ending, and there is only one finish line.

My biggest problem is a feeling of lethargy and paralysis (not feeling that I can even move for the depression.) I just don't get things done, especially housework. Also, I do the things I love and not the things I should.

I know most of you have other health problems too, which complicates depression. We have to be so brave just to get through the next 16 hours each day.