Overwhelming Guilt

I'm writing this with tears and a heavy heart. I just took a litter of 4.5 month old feral kittens in to be spayed and neutered yesterday. We just got a call from the clinic, telling use that one of the kittens' abdomen was full of fluid, and she was diagnosed with FIP. They went on to tell my husband that since the rest of the kittens had been exposed, it would be best to put them to sleep, so they wouldn't spread it throughout the colony, and eventually, our own pet cats. We told them not to do anything until we talked to our regular vet, so we called him, and after explaining the disease to us, and confirming that it did, indeed sound like FIP, we had no choice but to call them back and tell them to go ahead and euthanize the kittens.

Now, I'm left with a feeling of overwhelming guilt. He explained to us that there was no garantee that the others had the disease, unless they began to show symptoms, and by then, all of our cats could be at risk. He also said that fluid in the abdomen was the wet form, which is the most contageous, and fatal. My logical mind tells me that we made the right choice, in the interest of all our other cats, but the compassionate part of me, who has been working with them, and making sure they are wormed, and de-fleaed, fed, and happy, keeps haunting me. I mean, what if that was the only kitten that was sick, and we just put four healthy kittens to sleep? I just can't stand these thoughts, and for some reason, I can't keep them from coming. but we had to protect the others,,,right?

I just am so heart broken, I don't know if I'll ever feel better.

Please keep us in your prayers.

This message was edited Aug 23, 2006 4:17 PM