About getting the house. I said something to DH last night, and was informed that he thinks its too small and needs too much work. I just cried. Not in front of him, but I went outside and bawled. Our credit is really bad :( and I cannot finance it without his help. We were gonna ask his mom to buy it and pay her back, you know, make the loan payments. I am so tempted to look online for someplace that will finance it for me, and do it on my own. I'm pretty upset that there wasn't really any discussion about it, just he decided. I told him over and over that we would make it work, the space thing. It is smaller than the house we have, but we are falling further and further behind.... its just too expensive for us. We were ok until my oldest moved back in with us, but now we are really struggling. If we bought the house, and borrowed enough to fix the immediate problems, our payment on it would be less than half of what we are paying here. And we would be closer to his work, and his grandmother is only a half a mile or so away. She is totally blind and lives alone, I would have been able to take some of the load off my MIL, cause she is the one that does everything for her mom. And I didn't mind that at all.... my MIL and I don't get along but I get along great with her mother.
The worst part is, even if I did talk him into it somehow, and we bought it, everytime something went wrong, or anything, he would omplain that he didnt' want it in the first place. My oldest DS last night said, it would be big enough if it was just us and the kids. Sad as it is, its true, and with DH drinking again, it would probably be a good idea. :((
Sorry to dump on you guys, I am just heart broken... I wanted this so badly.
Huggers to all
Janis
OT My hopes were dashed....
Oh, Janis, I am so sorry! *BIG HUGS* comin' at ya. I hope DH will reconsider, or at least sit down and have an actual discussion about it with you. This should be a family decision!
A smaller house that is all your own is better than anything you can rent, IMO. It's small, yes, and it needs work, yes, but that doesn't mean it wouldn't be better than continuing where you are, although I understand that change can be unappealing especially if you're feeling overwhelmed. With the money you'll save, hopefully you'd be able to add on to the living space later on.
The location also sounds really good, and I'm sure his grandmother would adore having you nearby and able to visit more often. I wonder if he's really thought this through or if he was just thinking he didn't want to deal with making a decision on it...
I hope you can find a time when he is in a less surly mood so you can talk this over.... don't give up just yet! I don't know either of you well enough to be giving advice, but oh, I wanted this for you too!
Janis, I am so sorry about your situation. A drinking spouse is one of the worst problems ever, and then to have that person making decisions on their own........I am so sorry. I would be afraid like you said of being blamed for every silly thing that ever happened, but it sounds like your kids are ready for it to be over. It's hard on them, too.
We can certainly cover this whole thing in prayer. God cares about the problems in our lives and sometimes he wants us to wait for what He would want us to have and it would be His best for us. I have a little saying pasted on the top edge of my computer that says, "God give His best to those who leave the choice up to Him."
Hang in there, Janis. You are a fine person with a lap full of problems.
Diane
Janis
I am not the one to give advise on marriage or credit- I have my own issues, but sounds like you may need to think of yourself and the kids 1st rather than your spouse and the marriage- if only because he is "drinking again." To me that suggests that there is a problem that has the potential for getting worse. If you had a place together and things work out that's fine, if you have a place together and things don't work out even better for you and the kids, especially if someone that you know and cares about you is holding the paper. I would hope that you find a way to sit down w/ him and talk through things, reminding him that in the long run a home that you own is a wonderful asset. I have taken the blame for so many things over the years that I'd be willing to push the situation and listen to the crap everytime something went wrong, because I'd know that in the long run I was repairing the bad credit and building equity in a home- that's like money in the bank!
Hoping you are able to work things out- there is another quote, "God helps those who help themselves."
Thanks so much Jill. He jas to work today and tomorrow, then Monday I have dentist and doctor appointments for the kids, he will p[robably do his overtime Tuesday, work Wednesday Thursday and then be off the weekend. So I really won't be able to talk to him until Friday :((
Just keep your fingers crossed for me.
Huggers,
Janis
Well, April and Diane both posted as I was responding to Jill :0
Thanks so much to both of you. DH and I have been together 6 years, 6 and a half now. We have split and gotten back together probably 5 times. The longest was for over a year. He is an alcoholic, and he quit once, totally, but then Tori got sick and had her surgery, and then meningitis, and then the stomach perforation, and the stress got to him, and he started again. I came to the conclusion the last time we were apart that I would have to either accept that he "won't" quit drinking totally, and if I wanted to be with him, it was something I had to accept. He drinks probably a 40 oz bottle a day when he gets off work, more than that is he is off work. I'm not afraid of being alone, I have been alone before, in worse circumstances, and I made it through. Sometimes I see myself growing old with him, and sometimes I realize that when I think about the future he isn't there with me.
I'm gonna do some searches, see if I can come up with the down payment, and then decide what to do. I hate being stuck in the middle of a rock and a hard place LOL
Huggers to you all
Janis
Huggers back to you.
Diane
(((((Janis))))) So sorry, but don't despair...
Thanks so much Don :)
Huggers
Janis
Sending love and care your way, Janis. Alcoholism is rampant in my family and my DH's. Luckily, many of us have gotten into recovery...it CAN happen! I found lots of help in a 12 step program...there is also Al-Anon for those whose life is affected by someone with the disease (whose isn't at some point!) Many times people try it and are put off by the group; but it's like any other grouping thing...sometimes it's a good fit and sometimes not. I always suggest that folks shop around for a meeting that feels good and don't lose hope.
Sending you the warmest wishes for peace and serenity in your day~
Jacki
Hi Janis,
Oh hon...I am so sorry that you had your heart set on it. I always say though when a door closes, a window opens, so there will be something come along that you will be much happier in.
When we were house hunting, we wanted a fence, a garage, a basement and guess what? Yep, the house that my hubby wanted and we got of course....had neither of them.
Yes I agree, whenever my hubby complains about something in this house I always say, well you wanted it. It is very cheaply built (it is a modular) and we had no experience at house shopping.
We had to have the sewer dug up and the roof replaced and then we got ripped off with the roof and it started leaking again about 3 years later. We have been in the house for ten years now.
So Janis maybe this is a good thing for you but you just don't know it yet.
I am sure something will come your way that you will both be happy with . I know the feeling of heartbreak.
Here is a hug,
Joanne
Janis, Hey there love, keeping things crossed that something good will come out of this...Call if ya need to talk. I'm off untill the 17th of this month...Hugs and Love Lauri
Thanks so much all of you. I am not sure what is going to happen next. I'm not sure what I want to happen next. I'm just fed up and disgusted, and sad all at the same time.
The house is smaller than where we are now, but we would have a huge backyard, away from the road (here we walk down the steps onto the road) and the screened in deck could be turned into a room, and the attic into probably 2 rooms.
We have to do something, the owners of the house we are renting want to sell, because they are moving to KY. They want this house and the one they are living in both sold before they go. I don't want to buy this house, it just has too much wrong with it. Wiring, plumbing, the basement floods, they ceiling leaks in a couple different spots, and the foundation is crumbling.
just please keep us in your T&P, and maybe it will all work out.
Huggers,
Janis