I sure do hope you guys have some good advice. My DH and I lost our favorite aunt yesterday very suddenly to a heart attack. She was an avid gardener and also had beautilful houseplants. We went over there this evening, and her three daughters are trying to decide what to do about the african violets and other indoor plants. None of them live close so can't help. Uncle Raymond wants them to go ahead and take things, but he doesn't cope well by himself so they don't want to change things too much too soon. They are very concerned about the AVs; they are all noids, but very large and blooming. Aunt Elaine had them all sitting in bowls, so we could easily add gravel and wicks, but when I checked them this evening, it seemed they were in pretty much peat. None of us really live close enough to be able to check on things regularly. Any suggestions?
Sharon
emergency advice needed
Sharon, I am sorry for your loss. I am not sure what to do. I guess I would suggest taking them. But, maybe if you left them there, and took a leaf or two from each one and planted it, at least if one did not make it, you would have something that would carry on her plant. I wouldn't think taking some of the plants would be too noticeable. Maybe you could take some and leave some? Blessings, Pam
Well, I still think maybe your uncle is right and you should take as much as you can without leaving it too bare. Maybe you could rearrange the plants you leave so that they look nice? My heart goes out to you. My brother and father died late last year. Pam
Sharon sorry for you and hubby's favorite Aunts passing.
If there is no one there to take care of the plants properly I would take them home. You could grow some by leaf in the future to share with your family . He is probaly not going to be able to care for them or can he ?
And then also you can take some take leaves.
It's up to you but I would trans-plant into light soil-less mixture, isolate them a few months.
Let's us know please how everything works out.
Sharon, My heart goes out to you and your family. But especially to Uncle Raymond. The violets are a part of his wife and he may want to hold onto them as long as he can. The world won't end if the violets die. If you would like one of the plants as a memory of your husband's favorite aunt, tell Raymonds how you feel and see where the conversation leads. Remember he is the one to be concerned about. In the mean time ask if you can help by making it easier for him to take care of the plants by lightening the soil, adding wicks and gravel and putting a little note on the fridge as a reminder of when to water. Caring for those plants himself might be just what he needs right now.
May the Lord's comforting blessing with Raymond, DH, you, and the family.
Nanna your so right ! My husband would not get rid of my plants.
I am very sorry to hear about you husband's uncle.
Why don't you offer to take care fo the plants temporarily, until you uncle feels better and able to care for them? He may want them back later or he may decided that you are the best person to keep them.
I think that at the moment he may not be able to think straight.
my best wishes to all of you.
That's a good idea also Anna !
Along with everyone else I am so sorry to hear of your loss. It is so thoughtful of you to be so concerned for your Uncle. Have you considered that maybe there is a reason he wants the AVs gone that he hasn't told you? Maybe there's something he just doesn't want to discuss with everyone right now, and that is his option. Sometimes we don't understand our loved ones after such a tragic loss, and all we can do is be there for them and do the little things they ask us to. Sometimes what us "outsiders" see as lovely reminders of the person who just passed can be daily tormentors to someone like your Uncle. I guess it's all in how he perceives it in his heart. Or, on the other hand, the AVs may have meant the world to your Aunt and he may know that he can't possibly care for the properly, so he wants a great new home for them where they will continue to flourish and bring happiness.
I agree with what Nannanavaro said, but your Uncle may not want that. Perhaps you could gently ask him what his reasons are?
I know that if something happened to me my DH would not keep my flowers and plants, especially my houseplants. He wouldn't be able to keep up with them and has no idea how to care for them. Most of them he doesn't even know their names! It's my hobby, not his, and it wouldn't be a joy for him to tend to them...it would be a burden. In that situation I'd much rather that he gave my things away! Our "things" aren't what keeps our memory in someone's heart anyway, it's our love for one another...and I'm sure your Uncle knows that. :) I'd be willing to be he's got more precious things than plants to hold on to her memory with.
I'm sorry if I upset you, I certainly didn't mean to. This is just my view of things, having lost folks that I love. I pray everything works out for the best for everyone involved. God bless you for taking the time, and caring so much for your Uncle, he's blessed to have a niece like you.
Heather
Sharon, I am so sorry for your loss. Your Uncle Raymond and all your family are in my prayers, and I hope the myriad of decisions to be made will go as smoothly as possible.
There are a lot of good thoughts that have already been posted! I would at least take a few leaves from each AV so you can propagate them... sharing her plants around later this year might be a joyful remembrance of your aunt. If you have time to repot them, lightening the soil with half perlite and also adding a sprinkle of polymer moisture crystals ("Soil Moist" is one brand name) will help to guard against both underwatering and overwatering.
If your aunt has them in bowls now, I suspect she probably bottom watered them, and continuing to do so might be easier on the plants than switching to wicking... but you could always add a wick when you repot so he has the option. You could determine how much water should be added to each bowl with a measuring cup (gravy separators have nice long spouts)... Once a week watering seems to be fine for my plants in larger pots, and it would probably be easier to do than to remember to fill reservoirs every few weeks and to let the reservoir go dry every so often for a few days.
It sounds like her collection of houseplants is pretty large, and it might be overwhelming for your uncle to try to keep up with all of them, especially right now. Maybe you could "tour" the collection with him (a great way to share some stories about which were her favorites or where they came from) and choose some favorites that will stay. Plants that go to other homes can always be returned later or shared via cuttings etc with him, so these decisions aren't completely final.
If you're repotting while you're there, I'd like to make one more suggestion... Put down a leaf or two in a pot for your uncle, maybe of one of the AVs that's not staying. By the time it roots & makes babies, he may be ready to "fool with" the plants.
I don't have anything else to add, but wanted you to know that you & your family are in my thoughts this weekend. (((Sharon)))
Thank you all so much for your comforting words. I talked with Uncle Raymond's three daughters during the last few days. His concern is keeping "Elaine's" pretty flowers going. The girls (LOL - we're all over 50) will be coming and going for the next few weeks as he adjusts, and they think they can cope with the plants for a while. I will probably go over in the next week or so and repot the plants into lighter soil (and take a few leaves just in case) and wick them. If I write the instructions down, Uncle Raymond will do fine. He is one of those brilliant, clueless people, if you know what I mean.
We were at the house yesterday after her services and were admiring her stunning white wisteria, and he said if it would quit raining he'd dig it all up and give it to us! Apparently he was in charge of keeping it pruned, and it is monstrous. The AVs are just so much a part of the sunroom.
Heather, you didn't offend at all. I know exactly what you were talking about - some reminders are bittersweet and some are painful. It will just take time, and I think his daughters are right about taking it slow.
There was a bit of excitement/concern: Uncle Raymond gave Aunt Elaine a gorgeous diamond ring for their 55th anniversary about four years ago, and he wanted her to have it on. One of the nieces knew she had had it on at church on Sunday, but it was nowhere to be found. A granddaughter was disposing of the immediate reminders such as cosmetics, and found a basket of combs and brushes. Fortunately she went through them, and tucked in a corner, wrapped in a kleenex, was the ring!!
I truly appreciate everyone's concern.
Sharon
happy everything is and will work out in time. And you can help him keep the pretty cheerful plants at home with him !
Bless you and your family, Allison
Sharon,
I'm glad that I didn't offend, and that you understood just what I meant.
I'm also so glad things are working out and you have such a caring family...and that you all found that diamond ring!! That would have been horrible to never know what happened to it.
It's such a wonderful thing that all of you are doing, gathering together to help your Uncle and preserve your Aunt's memory. I hope when it comes my time someone thinks enough of me to do that. God bless you all.
Hugs to all of you,
Heather
Most things work out if given enough time.
Thank you all for your concern and your prayers :-)
Sharon
Your welcome Shron your still in my prayers and your family. Bless you, Hugs, Allison