Letter to my Tech Support, and His response

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower
and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NFL 5.0, NHL 4.3, MLB 3.0, and NBA 3.6. Conversation 8.0
no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can
I do?

Signed,
Desperate
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Dear Desperate:
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Opera ting System. Try to enter the command:
C:/ITHOUGHTYOULOVEDME" to download Tears 6.2, which should automatically
install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0
should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

Remember, though, that overuse of the above application can cause Husband
1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or Beer 6.1. Beer
6.1 is a very bad program that will create Snoring Loudly 10.8.

Whatever you do: DO NOT install Mother-in-law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have
limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support