What do you do and do you ever feel offended?

What do you do when someone or others who are not members ask for plant cuttings for postage?
I don't part with many white epi cuttings with 12 inch bloom for postage unless I offer it.

These have taken me a long time to find and grow. Also they are not inexpensive.

Sometimes it is just a bad day but do you ever feel offended?

I feel ashamed to admit I feel this way at times.

I don't trade.
I did send some daylilies for postage to a non-scriber and it took about 3 1/2 weeks to get the money. Am not going to do that again. I learned my lesson the hard way. If I do it again, I will make sure I get the postage first.
Just my 2 cents worth.
Carol

I used to offer lots of plants for postage, but it's a lot of work. And oddly enough, some traders are actually offended if you "overcharge" them by even a few cents. They don't feel they should pay for packing materials or even the gas (currently 2.60/gal) you use to get to the p.o. I've seen posts where traders are angered because they answered an offer for seeds for SASE and was told to send two 37-cent stamps. When they receive their SASE back, lo and behold it only took 60 cents to send and they want a refund of the difference--14 cents!!

Some traders generously send a little extra something along with postage, and those are the ones that I remember and later even privately offer them more for postage. But some are rather ungrateful and act entitled. I've had a few who got very hostile and angry when I told them no plants for postage. On another site, one guy wanted some of my cannas for postage. I said no. He emailed two more times demanding to know why I wouldn't "trade" with him, what my problem was, wasn't I here to share! No, I'm here to trade something I have for something I don't have. After all, it IS the plant EXCHANGE.

As a general rule, I state in my posts that I don't do plants for postage. If I see someone I want to share with, then I privately email the person. If someone emails me for plants for postage, I just tell them I don't do it. They are my plants, grown with my own love, sweat, labor, and I can be selfish if I want to. All of us here know that our plants are valuable. They are the equivalent of cash--you can trade them for something else you want or you can sell them and take the cash to buy something else you want.

Learn to say no. It gets easier with practice. But remember that a lot of folks want everything they see, and they aren't aware of the value of the plant. Or they aren't yet familiar with the practice of trading. So just politely say, "I don't mail plants for postage, but maybe one day you'll have something to entice me to a trade."

NancyAnn

I wouldnt be offended but I dont send anything for postage unless I offer.

There are too many folks out there who are ungrateful and complain about every little thing.

Personally...I think it is a little rude to ask for things for postage. Wrapping and gas to the P.O. are worth something.

There will always be folks out there who want something for nothing..dont let it offend you :)

I believe you all have covered it all. Yes I get upset and some of us are partially handicapped and it takes a great deal more effort to dig and package plants, then have to haul them 30 minutes to the PO and then stand in line for 30 minutes and then back home. I had removed my e-mail it had gotten so bad for me, people requesting brug cuttings when ever I would post a pic and now we have D-mail but have had little problem with it, guess they can't be anonamus that way lol. Got burned really bad a few times so now ask for postage up front. You would be surprised how many people don't respond back when they have to risk paying first

I always get postage up front unless it's someone I know. I prefer to send SASE packages to people I know pretty well and enjoy chatting with. And most of the time, when I do that, they pay me after they get the package and there's almost always a little something extra for me to show their appreciation. Luvsgrtdanes and Roblkey are great abuot that. They never forget anything you do for them and both have surprised me with unexpected gifts of thanks and friendship.

When it's just seeds, I usually don't ask for SASE. I just pack em up and send 'em IF I want to. I'm gathering some seeds for a surprise gift to one wonderfully friendly trader here who doesn't have much and loves everything out there. Many times this trader has tried to trade with me, offering everything but the kitchen sink. But sadly, I didn't need any of it. (I could use the kitchen sink tho! LOL) So soon I'll send this trader a bunch of different kinds of seeds for the real effort that was put into trying to find something that would interest me. Never once was I asked to send anything free. An offer to trade was always made by this trader. And that's worth a reward, don't ya think?

N.

My motto is if I cannot afford to part with it and possibly NOT get anything in return, I do NOT send it or offer it. There ARE a lot of totally insensitive, thoughtless, ungrateful people. But I deal with case by case. If it is an unsubscriber or ANYONE I have never traded with before I can decide to wait till I receive the money FIRST in the SASE situation. Most subscribers are honest but not all. It is a risk either way. I enjoy trading with some of the people here--enough to trade many times!! The ones who are not generous or stiff you or whatever, just make note to never trade again--depending on how bad it is you might even want to let Dave know. I am sure he wouldn't want anyone blatantly robbing anyone here!! I ask for things here which are not necessarily offered. I do not do so to offend anyone and understand completely if my request is denied. I think, if you don't ask you will never know if you could have gotten whatever it is and I HAVE acquired many things I have REALLY wanted simply by asking. And made some wonderful trades and friends via this method. There are also people here who will not simply say they are sorry, that is not available for trade or whatever but seem to think rudeness is the way to go?? Many simply do not reply to dmail requests for whatever reason. I actually prefer to get no answer than to receive a rude reply. Personally I am a generous person who enjoys to share what I have whenever possible and do not mind at all getting requests for things I have--or may have. Certainly I am not offended by someone simply asking if I have such and such for trade or SASE. Plants for postage IS a lot of work though I never thought to include the additional expense of gas, time, materials in the cost--it IS a legitimate thing to include in my opinion however!! Just never thought of it. When someone asks for something SASE you can tell them what you are willing to send the item for and they can decline--no problem, though some DO certainly think that for some reason they should not have to pay what it costs. I KNOW it costs considerably less whatever the SASE requested is than buying a plant via a nursery and paying their postage and handling on top of the cost of the plant so I think those people are really out of their MINDS to complain!! If I had to BUY everything I would have next to nothing in my "garden"--it would resemble an empty yard really!! I am grateful to all the generous gardeners here who lovingly share their plants for trade OR postage with those of us who cannot afford plants otherwise!! God Bless You!!

Bonnie

99, "give out of your abundance". That's what I try to do. I don't have a lot of abundance of plants/flowers, but what I do have a lot of, I'll give willingly. (giving hostas to neighbors tonight...they don't even know what they are!) If someone asks for something I have a little of (especially if it's an uninvited asking), I ask for them to trade me something of equal value. If they can't then I tell them I can't trade. If they offer something I don't want, I just tell them I don't want it...and why (it's an annual in my zone, wouldn't be "right" in my garden, etc). I just try to be politely honest and most people don't seem to have a problem w/ that. However, I don't have a lot of plants that people would fight tooth and nail for either!

I have Daylilies I just got to put in my memory garden for my little girl that we lost in Sept. 2001. DH and me had a long discussion about "what if someone wants a certain one" (loooong story). We decided if they want it because it's a pretty flower, we're not sharing. If they want it to remember our daughter, they can have some. But, like you, I don't want to say no to anyone, so I'm planning on getting another daylily that is similar to the "star" of the garden...growing it in another area and giving it away to those who just want a pretty flower.

I share when I can, which isn't real often. I've never done an sase, just cause I don't have the seeds to do so...yet. If I did one and someone later complained about how much postage I asked for!!! I would consider not even responding to them, because what would be the point? If they wanted to argue $0.14? Life is way too short!

You are all such great people, of course I didn't expect any less. I just feel bad for not wanting to send and I have been burnt also. But
being burnt is reason enough not to do SASE. I have been more than generously given to also (more than generously). I don't ask for things I know I don't have anything of equivilant value. Most of the time I will reply I have nothing they are asking for but sure wish I did,
only to find out I had something they would like or more than enough
times I have just been offered it for postage.

I did do an SASE with a non subscriber and she sent postage but with my back and this heat and no way to post office it took probably
2 months to get to her. I offered her her money back until such time I could send but she waited patiently. After I sent the plants she offered me seeds for plants I had never seen and she sells on ebay
not cheaply. I haven't recieved them yet but not worried if I don't.

I do however try to offer or send what someone asks as when I give
I am always given back more. I also have plants I would not have had if not traded, SASE or just given. My neighbors yard is 75 %
what I have given her. She has a small banana tree I have wanted and she promised for around 10 years. I quit asking around 6 years ago as she would tell me she promised a baby to someone else.
Just this last 2 weeks badseed sent me one for my birthday. We had talked about it in the chat room and she ask if I wanted one for my birthday. I love my little nanana.

I don't think I have had anyone gripe because I did not spend it all on the stamp But I have seen it more than enough. I feel sorry for the people spit on because of 14 cents or even less as it is work.

I had a 2 level fusion of the lumbar that left me worse than before surgery. I have another test soon. It is not easy to take care of what I have. I love my flowers, but the weeds have gotten the best of me. This year so has the watering. My DH never seems to get around to helping me. I have 3 bags of mulch, but they are not helping the weeds piled it the garage. I will give anyone what ever I have enough of to share. It is sometimes it just seems like I am the little red hen. I do all the work and someone wants to eat from it.

I love all of you. I sure thought I would get one negative on how I felt.
I think I thought I deserved it. But instead you have all received me in love. This is the best life gets.

Be blessed abundantly,
Your friend forever,
Sandy

oh, 99, we love YOU without your seeds and plants!! :)

Sandy: I've read every bit of this thread and agree with all the replies. The people who are most annoying are the ones who feel you should be anxious to get out there in 90 or 100 degrees to dig, clean, bleach, package, go to the post office and send them a package while they sit back and put $3.00 in an envelope. It galls me.

I have to listen to NancyAnn, ButterflyChaser, and follow her advice. She's such a dear heart and so helpful to her friends. Yet she's strong and won't take nonsense and that's what I have to learn. Just to be able to say, "Sorry, not interested, maybe next time when you have something TO TRADE but I don't do it for postage". If I can say it 100 times maybe I'll be able to just write it and not feel guilty or selfish. Guess it's a throw back to how we were all raised. Nancy makes a living out of selling plants so she has to have the backbone to speak her mind or she wouldn't be able to feed herself and her pets!

Heatherjoy you gave me goose bumps. I am overwhelmed that people I have never met in person can love me so much. Most of my life I have been taken hurt by people who look me right in the eye.
My mom always said terrible things to me growing up and until she got sick with cancer in 1984 and passed away.

And here someone pops up I have never traded with or even e-mailed. People who read my posts then one day just pop up and say such wonderful things. I have been led to tears so many times
and touched so deeply.

Pirl you are right also, I need to learn no. I love to give things away
but I hate to say no. I have at times hated if someone said trade or SASE to offer just SASE if I have nothing they want. I told someone that once and they told me they wouldn't offer both ways if it was not ok.

Sometimes I send for postage because I don't have the money to trade. That gets expensive after awhile. Once I figure out how to list what I have I will be happy also. It is probably easy but I haven't tried.
Too busy flapping my jaws on the forums.

I have some trades to get out as soon as it cools and a co-op that I will be receiving the plants to get out. I feel sad I ended up the last
one as that was a really good thing. But when winter comes trades come to a close. I will have white brug cuttings I am sure I will offer for SASE around dec after they stop blooming or there is a theaet of a freeze. They only bloom here when it cools off.

This year has been a bad one for being so dry. I am tired of trying to keep things alive.

Thanks again all for loving me like you do.

Blessings,
Sandy ^8^

99, you are so sweet and honest, and that's just a few reasons why we love you. When you posted the other week about having some big news to share, I just couldn't wait to hear what it was, I was sooo excited for you. I had to make sure I was in chat to hear it. When I got into chat my first question was if you were there and if you had told your big secret yet! :)

I haven't been around DG for very long at all, but I've been welcomed by everyone. I've just jumped right in and feel like I've been here for years. This is a tight-knit community, but it doesn't keep out newcomers. How refreshing!! :) 99, you are one of the people, specifically, who has made me feel very welcomed here...and why I have chosen to stay. Pirl and ButterflyChaser are among others who have made me feel welcome.

When someone reaches out to you like that, when you're in a new place, internet new place or any new place, you're thankful and you feel appreciative for their friendship. I know everyone could have easily overlooked me, you already have lots of friends here.

When someone treats one of my friends badly, or when one of my friends is hurting, it hurts me. There's not a lot anyone can do about something like that except offer kind words to the one who is hurting, and of course, pray.

Before this gets too long, let me say that I understand some of what you're saying about people looking you straight in the eye and then stabbing you in the back...including your own mother. Been there, done that. That can be a horrific pain, BUT, I really believe in my heart that is one reason the Lord gives us places like DG and the friends we have here. I believe it's why we have our gardens too...for me anyway, it's an escape from daily hassles. I can go into my garden and lose track of time in it's beauty...or even in it's weeds! :) All the stress just melts away, even if the garden is a mess.

The folks here do value you for you. Take that to heart.

Ok, I think I'm going to go change my name to "SheTalksALot" now....sorry :-p

If you change yours I will have to add to mine "ilovejesus99rattlesonalot" everyone would really have to call me Sandy as that would be alot to type to address me in chat.

heatherjoy one can never have enough friends. Chat room tonight?

Thanks again ;O)

Blessings,
Sandy ^8^

you ladies made my lunchtime!!! I guess I'd have to change mine too... but I owe this place an extra half hr since I took a long lunch, so don't have time to think of what to change it to, LOL... Later, Suzi :)

i hope to chat tonight! we just got mulch for my memory garden and are going back for stone in a little bit, so if I don't make it it'll be because I'm out working in the memory garden!! I do hope I make it tho!

Hmm - I had my only 'burn' recently though I'm still holding out that I will hear at least a thank you. It was a flat rate box too - $7.70..

I don't mind doing the postage thing but get it up front if I don't know the person. If it's one of those 'blanket' e-mails from a non-suscriber I ignore them which may be rude but I don't know what to say to them. To get a message - I see you have so and so, tell me your address so I can mail you postage to me is rude to begin with.

Trading is so much fun though!!! I was up at 4 this morning digging EE's for a trade - I am such a procrastinator!!

PS - I will ALWAYS send out crabgrass for postage! My address is in the exchange! LOL!!

Nicole

I posted a similar question some time ago. I was a new member and had listed some two year old Clematis plants (not cuttings!) for trade, and i received a "demand" note from someone i had never "spoken" to before. The note gave me their address to ship the plants to and "offered" to reimburse me for shipping. The note was very short and curt with no niceties whatsoever.

My jaw about dropped. I didn't know what to do, eventually i wrote a polite note telling the person that the plants had already been traded. I kind of wish i would have had the nerve to say a little something about decorum, but i am so silly, not wanting to hurt anyone's feelings... even rude people i've never met before. LOL

So, you are certainly not alone. It is an unnerving feeling! Especially, in a group so nice, getting treated like that really takes you off guard.

Melissa

Well said Melissa!

I have an opposite situation (Hoping one particular person doesn't read this). Someone was offering something. Didn't say a word in the thread about trade or SASE or anything, so I d-mailed saying I was interested and asked what she needed. She responded by asking if I had anything to trade. I told her I didn't, that we got wiped out by a tornado last year and were starting from scratch. Told her someone at work gave me iris rhizomes, but that they weren't even started yet and asked if she'd like some. Not only did she refuse, she sent me a box of all kinds of goodies to help get us started! I just got it yesterday, and couldn't believe it. I'd like to reimburse her for postage, and perhaps even "pad" the postage a little. It was a priority mail box full, for heaven's sakes! Do you think she would be offended? I don't know who to ask. I can't repay the gesture in any way, but I hate for her to be out $7.70 just because she's so kind and generous.

How sweet!!!! That's DG for you!!!

Isn't it just incredible?

I think that is more consistent with the type of people you will meet here, rather than the other types.

You may not have any plant material to send her, but what about a nice card, a few stamps and a pair of gardening gloves, or send her some brownies, a candle, or a gardening book you are done with. I think a little gesture (doesn't even have to cost you anything) would be so appreciated.

I thought about brownies, then worried about what if she's diabetic. Those are great ideas though, and I'll do that! Garden gloves are an awesome idea. She referred to her package as a CARE package; I'll send her a CARE package too! Thank you for such a great idea. Obviously I'm new here.

I am new too. It is a fun place with a LOT of nice people!

I'm kind of new to DG also....just a few months. Please don't let one or two obnoxious peoplke ruin this for you. You know the saying "there's one in every crowd." Why should we expect it not to be here ?
All of my encounters have been wonderful. I have been on the receiving end for several "daylilies and irises" for postage. Wow, what beautiful boxes I have gotten. Packed full of the most delightful plants. I have met the nicest people through these GIFTS. I have tried to show my appreciation with small tokens gifts when I send the money order.
Enjoy the forums and all of our friends and forget the odd, less fortunates who waste your time and sap your energy :))
God Bless,
Margo

I simply ignore the dmail if I'm not interested.. Not trying to be rude, but I think it clearly sends the message..No one's feelings have to get hurt..

Larkie

Oh my, I sure hope I haven't hurt anyone's feelings! I have asked people in private D-mails if they would be willing to part with something for postage. I just figured if they weren't, they weren't, and that was fine, too. I've certainly never demanded anything or asked rudely. I'm a new gardener and I just don't have much to trade yet. I've only had wonderful experiences here so far, though, and I have traded when I've had something available. But today I just spent the afternoon collecting seeds. I think now that I'm getting more established I'll be able to give back. :)

In Zen teachings, balance in all things, I have had both types of experiences a few bad,but most great. I learn to ignore the people that promise things,and even after two years of promises they have NO intention of sending their trade plants,even after recieving mine a long time before.Some people find telling the truth impossible,after reaping freebies they find still another forum to pillage. then move on to another. nuff said. :-)

Danak you can ask me anytime. There has only been 2 times it bothered me and both time were my epis that I would like to get something in trade for. They are 6 to 8 dollars a 4-6 inch cutting and then years to bloom. Someone out of the blue doesn't spend 15.00 to join us in here want to spend zero zilch for it just made my skin crawl. veryone in here at Daves always gives their time to speak, help, give advice on plants and give such a big piece of themselves it is not hard to share. This person won't be here for anyone. maybe that is what sets wrong. Atleast I know with all of you if I need to talk your here. I have recieved so many emails in the almost 2 years here just from members saying anytime I needed to talk feel free to dmail them.

I have sent out probably 30 cuttings of it for just postage. They are starting to bloom now and I guess I have just cut alot off and want to give them a chance to grow out some more. I have babied these for 13 years
and they are in my top favorites and took 6 or 7 years to bloom so I could see what they even looked like.

Eclipse I saw that witha person in the last church I attended. A person just moved from new person to new person used them up and moved on. I was so naive??
can't spell took me 2 years before before I caught on.
Didn't know who I was madded at. Her for using me or me for being so naive. Learned alot since then.
My son sent me to the school of don't trust or believe everything you see or here.

I still am trusting, just get the money up front on postage
as I was only burnt 2 times before I learned and one kept saying she would send. But that was on another web site. And if I don't recieve the trade well I haven't experienced that yet I don't think. If I have I did great and just forgot it.

Love to all,
Sandy

Isn't it too bad that we have to learn not to trust people? And it's a hard thing to learn, because you want to believe that people are good and trustworthy. Luckily most are, though.

We are very lucky most are. It is really bad when you can't trust your own family.