I Love IOWA!!

I Love Iowa!

1. That slope-shouldered farm boy you are snickering at did more work before breakfast than you will do all week at the gym. How'd you like to go home and tell your momma you got your butt kicked by a big guy in bib overalls?

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your BMW. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Now drive or get it out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your butt kicked...by our women.

5. Pull your pants up, and turn your hat around. You look like an idiot.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

8. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes unsweetened in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon on the side.

9. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

10. So you have a sixty-thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter-million dollar combines that we use two weeks a year.

11. Let's get this straight. We may have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

12. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

13. Yeah, we eat catfish. If you really want sushi and caviar, it's available at the bait shop.

14. They are pigs and cows. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstates 80 and 35 go two ways....get on one of them.

15. The "Opener" refers to the first days of dove and deer season. They are religious holidays. You can get breakfast at the church.