The Stress Diet (We all need a laugh!)

The Stress Diet

This is a specially formulated diet, designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day;

BREAKFAST
1 Grapefruit
1 Slice Whole Wheat Toast
1 Cup Skim Milk

LUNCH
Small Portion Lean, Steamed Chicken with a Cup of Spinach
1 Cup Watkins Green Theratea
1 Tim Tam

AFTERNOON TEA
The rest of the Tim Tams in the packet
1 Tub of Rocky Road Ice Cream with Choc-Ice Topping
1 Jar Nutella

DINNER
4 Bottles of Red Wine
2 Loaves Garlic Bread
1 Family Size Supreme Pizza
3 Snickers Bars

LATE NIGHT SNACK
Whole Frozen Sarah Lee Cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

DIET RULES
1. If no one sees you eat something, it has no calories;

2. When drinking a Diet Coke with a chocolate bar, the Diet Coke cancels out the fat in the chocolate bar;

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do not eat more than they do;

4. Food used for medical purposes does NOT count (for example: hot chocolate, toast, cheesecake and vodka);

5. If you fatten up the people around you, you will look thinner;

6. Cinema related foods have a zero calorie count as they are part of the entertainment package and not counted as food intake (this includes: popcorn, mints, Maltezers, Jaffas and frozen Cokes).

7. Biscuit pieces have no calories because breaking the biscuits up cause calorie leakage;

8. Foods licked from knives and spoons have no fat if you are in the process of cooking something;

9. Foods that are the same colour have the same amount of fat. Examples are: spinach and peppermint ice cream; apples and red jelly snakes.

10. Chocolate is like a food-color wildcard and may be substituted for any other color.

11. Anything eaten while standing has no calories due to gravity and the density of the calorie mass;

12. Food consumed from someone else's plate has no fat as it rightfully belongs to the other person and will cling to his / her plate (oh, how fat likes to cling!)

And remember: STRESSED SPELT BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.