Warning to all that come to my house!

I have this posted on the front door of our home.

Rules for visiting this house.

1.) Yes we have a dog here. He is our official greeter. You don't like wet hellos then don't knock on the door.

2.) Yes he will sniff your crouch. You don't like that then go away. Otherwise feel free to sniff his.

3.) Yes the dog is allowed on the couch. He lives here. You don't. You don't like sitting where he lays then we suggest you stand up during your visit.

4.) Yes we feed our dog from the table. So please excuse the fact that he is not sitting in a chair using tableware, but eating from the floor. If his eating Etiquette is not to your standard there is a fast food joint a couple of the miles up the road.

5.) If you have come to stay the night, uninvited, you will need to ask the dog if he will share his bedding with you. It's his bed. Otherwise don't ask to stay.

6.) If he humps your leg or looks up your dress he is hoping you will ask to stay the night. Feel impressed. Give him a break and refer back to item #5.

(At times we have had folks turn around and leave after reading this! Strangers for sure-LOL!)